I Propose a Toast… with Pepsi
Bear with me on this one.
Now, there is less than 0% chance that this scenario would ever play out in today’s WWE, but I’d like to share a solution to a number of problems that have been bugging me since, well, 2006. The problems namely being the brand extension, the diminished value of WWE championships, and any frustration built up inside of me that have stemmed directly from WWE creative blowing the numerous potentially great storylines over the years.
CM Punk is red hot right now, and WWE would be absolutely foolish not to capitalize on this situation. Everything that the internet world has been clamoring for, and on the flip side complaining about, was brought to light over the past few weeks; we will soon find out if this was a strategic move by Vincent Kennedy McMahon et. al to strengthen his product, or if this storyline is doomed (circa Nexus, 2010).
Regardless of whether WWE ice cream bars are brought back or not, I do in fact feel the winds of change blowing. Again, this could just be a dream that I wake up from this Sunday night, but if there ever was a time for a major shake-up, it’s now. Without further ado…
CM Punk def. John Cena @MITB
Original, right? Maybe in the eyes of the creative team, but not to us. The arena would literally blow up that night in Chicago: imagine the children crying and throwing their trash at the ring… But there’s no way that Vince would let someone walk away with HIS company’s belt!
Vince sends Raw MITB winner down to the ring to face CM Punk; CM Punk retains WWE Championship
Punk celebrates in the ring and Cena sits in the corner, pouting and looking dumb, just waiting to be fired. No chance!! Out comes Vince to save his company though- there’s no way he is going to allow his company’s cornerstone to be fired without a fight. He’s Vince McMahon, dammit! His backup plan is revealed: he orders the winner of the Raw MITB match down to the ring (most likely The Miz or Del Rio), and out he comes to a chorus of boos. Vince reveals that he has offered the same type of incentives to Miz/Del Rio that he had offered Punk on Raw last week should Punk lose this match.
CM Punk defeats Raw MITB Match Winner; retains WWE Championship
With Cena standing idly by at ringside, Punk catches Del Rio/Miz into the Anaconda Vise while he slides into the ring. Punk/Del Rio immediately taps out, Chicago sets the house on fire again, and Vince, who stood atop the ramp throughout the entire 10-second match, looks exasperatingly around the arena. Meanwhile, Cena begins crying at ringside. Punk is really over with the “WWE Universe” right now… Cue Vince McMahon on the mic: Vince is the smartest man in the world, because he had a 2nd backup plan. Sheamus’ music hits, and out comes the big fella to break CM Punk in half. Vince wishes Punk good luck, and the bell rings as Sheamus cashes in his brief case as well.
CM Punk vs Sheamus, for the WWE Championship; McMahon at ramptop and Cena at ringside
The arena is full of deafening “CM Punk!” chants, and the two lock up. Sheamus is clearly more rested at this point, and it shows as he overpowers Punk. Punk is the true underdog: the crowd is still going nuts for him while Sheamus beats the living hell out of him. The beatdown continues, as does the support from the crowd, and Vince begins yelling at the audience for supporting someone who is going to leave his company. Meanwhile, Cena notices just how much the crowd supports Punk…
Sheamus waits for Punk to get to his feet, stalking him, and with a big scream he runs at Punk and unleashes a Brogue Kick, which Punk ducks out of the way from and ends up connecting with referee Mike Chioda’s face. Down goes Chioda, but Sheamus recovers and nails and oncoming Punk in the face with the second attempt at his kick. Punk is out cold, but Sheamus wants to put Punk away. McMahon screams for Sheamus to finish him, and Sheamus pulls Punk into the High Cross. This one looks about over as Sheamus sets Punk up in the air, and as McMahon yells for a new referee to get his ass down to the ring…
John Cena slides into the ring and shoulder blocks Sheamus in the stomach, dropping punk (who’s still out cold). Cena picks up Sheamus into an FU, stares Vince down, and drops Sheamus! The crowd is roaring, and Cena drags the KO’d Punk over Sheamus as the new ref runs down the ramp. The ref slides into the ring and counts 1… 2… McMahon slides the ref out of the ring and knocks him out with a big right hand! Cena and McMahon come face to face in the ring and share a few words as Sheamus and CM Punk come to. Vince is about to fire Cena, but Cena lifts McMahon up and delivers and FU to him as well! Cena rolls McMahon out of the ring, then Sheamus sneaks up from behind and clotheslines Cena over the top rope…
Sheamus turns around and there’s CM Punk, who lifts him up on his shoulders to the delight of the crowd, and drops him into a GTS! Nexus runs to ringside and roll Mike Chioda back into the ring as Punk covers Sheamus—1—2—3!
CM Punk defeats Sheamus to once again retain the WWE Championship
After the match ends, Cena grabs Vince’s mic and walks into the ring to confront Punk. Cena tells Punk he helped him because he respects him. It’s time that someone took responsibility in this company, and that he was tired of being just another McMahon yes man. Cena says that even though they’re both leaving, he’s sure that they will meet again in the ring. Cena offers his hand and the two shake. Cena leaves the ring as Punk’s music hits again and he celebrates to the crowd. Vince McMahon sits at ringside, shocked, as MITB goes off the air.
CM Punk is nowhere to be found for the next 6 months (wrestling the indy circuits, defending the WWE Championship), John Cena is fired by Vince McMahon the next night on Raw, and Vince announces that the WWE is about to change. Vince declares that there are too many difficult egos to deal with in his company, and that it’s time to downsize. Thus, Vince officially calls an end to the brand extension so that he can oversee all company operations in one brand, as opposed to traveling back and forth from Raw to Smackdown, and visa versa. Vince is glad that he is taking control back of the WWE, and that Cena and Punk are both gone.
In addition, he emphasizes that since the brands are under one entity now, there is only room for one World Championship. Vince announces that since CM Punk is in possession of the WWE Championship, it is now retired, and the World Heavyweight Championship is now renamed the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Vince also announces that #1 contender Alberto Del Rio will face Randy Orton in the main event at Summer Slam for the title. Vince relieves Teddy Long of his duties, as there is only room for one GM now, and that is the Raw GM.
Over the next few months until Survivor Series, the tag team division is brought back to focus, as new teams are formed from the lower and mid card superstars due to the rosters merging; John Cena takes time off and recovers from his injuries as new stars are pushed in US, Intercontinental, and World title matches during his absence (this would be a much-anticipated opportunity for rising stars who’ve been waiting in line).
The anonymous GM announces that the second Raw of November, right before Survivor Series, will feature a “Night of Champions,” at which all of the WWE titles will be on the line. This Raw, which takes place in his hometown of Boston, MA, would be a perfect time for Cena to make his return. During the World title match, in fact, it would be cool if a “The champ… is here!” voiceover came on the ‘tron, and out came Cena to a roar! The champ is here—night of champions? Get it? Cool? Alright…
Anyway, as for Punk, it doesn’t matter when he’s brought back in my opinion. He will be so over that he’s going to command a top spot when his time comes. And let’s be honest, WWE I guarantee WILL bring him back after some vacation time. How about next year’s rumble? Then after he wins he can challenge Cena to a feud at Elimination Chamber before they face their respective opponents at Wrestlemania. Or something like that. The night after the Rumble, in fact, Vince could storm out and explain that CM Punk isn’t a WWE employee, saying that Punk is not the rightful winner of the match… until the Raw GM reveals him/herself to be (Gillberg!) someone important, and that he/she rehired Punk, and that Punk did in fact win the match legally. Then Punk comes down and toasts Vince with Pepsi. GTS, anyone?