It’s that time of year again. It’s time for the Greatest Spectacle in Sports Entertainment, the Granddaddy of Them All, the Showcase of the Immortals. It’s time for WrestleMania!
I’ve had the opportunity to attend seven WrestleMania’s in my lifetime, one (WrestleMania 9) as a fan and six (WrestleMania’s, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, and 26) as a member of the WWE Creative Team.
WrestleMania truly is one of the greatest entertainment events on the planet. And since this year makes the 30th edition and this is my first column on PWMania, I decided that I would make 30 BIG preDICKtions about WrestleMania 30.
* The Hall of Fame lasts 5 Hours.
– I’m not joking. This event traditionally runs long. With no deadline from another network. It’s going to be a long night. Make extra popcorn.
* We will NOT hear from Vince McMahon on WrestleMania.
– This is a 30 year anniversary. I expect Kevin Dunn and the TV Studio to put over Vince and his vision in some form or fashion. But I expect the torch to be passed to fully storyline wise to Stephanie and Triple H.
* The Usos retain the WWE Tag Team Championships.
– I get the feeling that the Usos are favorites among the agents/producers. Their title reign just started, I expect it to continue and get the crowd hyped and happy with the opening match.
* The First Match on the actual Pay-Per-View will be The Andre the Giant Battle Royal.
– A Giant way to start the show.
* The remaining order will be: Cena vs. Wyatt, 6 Man Tag, Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan, Hall of Famers, Taker vs. Brock, Divas, and finally the Triple Threat.
– Peaks and Death Valleys
* Rey Mysterio will be one of the final 2 in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal.
– Rey comes up short in this one.
* Alberto Del Rio wins the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
– A Heel will win this match. ADR is due for a big win and would be a great heel to carry this trophy and brag about it.
* The Three Surprise Entrants in the Battle Royal will be…Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jerry the King Lawler, and Roddy Piper.
– Sorry to disappoint you. At least it’s better than the Royal Rumble.
* Natalya wins the Divas Championship.
– The pride of Calgary walks out with the Butterfly Belt.
* There will be a backstage dancing scene.
– It’s WrestleMania and of course there will be a bad dance scene.
* We won’t see Papa Shango. My WrestleMania will be ruined.
– Ever since I saw them at SummerSlam, I have been my friends on the creative team to for a Papa Shango cameo. But it won’t happen. Instead we will get the Godfather. My night will be ruined, hexed by Creative Team Voodoo.
* Bad News Barrett gets Stunned.
– Wade, I have some bad news for you. You are going to be on the receiving end of a Stone Cold Stunner.
* Hulk, Hogan Hulks up!
– Whatcha Gonna Do when this happens? Love every second of it. The Not sure who will be on the receiving end. But brother is in for a bruising.
* Hornswoggle eats Mr. T cereal.
– I once produced the séance with Miz, Morrison and Mike Adamle on the Dirt Sheet. Since then I have had the psychic ability to predict strange things just like this. I pity the fool.
* WrestleMania will set a NEW Superdome attendance record.
* Drew Brees will be shown on camera and wave to the crowd.
– Everyone who came in from around the world will wonder why he or she should care. The only Drew they came to see has the last name McIntyre.
* The Undertaker will go 22-0.
– Like anyone believes a part time guy like Brock is going to get that kind of rub. Rest in Peace.
* The Wyatt Family gets one kick ass special entrance in the Superdome.
– WrestleMania is known for it’s special entrances and the Wyatts will be cool. Hopefully when they turn out the lights in the Superdome, they can turn them back on.
* John Cena defeats Bray Wyatt.
– The crowd will be a flock of buzzards picking at Cena’s bones. And won’t be happy when Cena overcomes the odds yet again.
* The Shield defeat Kane and the Outlaws.
– I believe in the Shield.
* Daniel Bryan gets a bigger pop than Stone Cold Steve Austin.
– Bryan and Austin will get the two loudest of the pops of the night. The third loudest will be for the Shield.
* Daniel Bryan defeats Triple H
– Triple H gets heat on Bryan after the match. Stacking the odds against the hero.
* CM Punk will NOT appear at WrestleMania.
– Although he may appear off camera.
* The WWE Network will for the most part have zero issues broadcasting WrestleMania.
– Fingers crossed. All of them.
* This will be the most intoxicated WrestleMania crowd ever.
– Bourbon Street is right outside the gates. Almost wish I were there to witness the debauchery.
* WWE Universe will see at least one set of PUPPIES in the crowd.
– Best part is you only had to pay $9.99 to see the show.
* Scott Hall, I mean Razor Ramon throws a toothpick at someone.
– One more for the Bad Guy.
* We get a cameo from the Kliq
– I know it’s a bold prediction. It might be too sweet to be true.
* This will be the better than at least the last 5 WrestleManias.
– It can’t be any worse.
* Daniel Bryan controversially wins the WWE World Championship, so he can be stripped of it the next night on RAW.
– YES! YES! YES!
Not sure if I’ll be right about any of these. But thought I’d throw them out their for your enjoyment.
Oh I almost forgot…
* Big Dick Johnson will not be appearing at WrestleMania 30.
– Meaning you’ll be able to watch the entire program without covering your eyes.
Have fun. Be safe. And enjoy the show!
Chris DeJoseph (@chrisdejoseph)
About Chris DeJoseph: DeJoseph is a former WWE creative writer who is better known as Big Dick Johnson on WWE TV. He is also a TV producer, writer and entertainer.