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Mike Shannon's Raw Review (Oct. 19, 2009)
Written by Mike Shannon on 10/19/2009
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WWE RAW (October 19, 2009)
-LIVE from Jacksonville, FL (home of the city with downright EMBARRASSING NFL attendance figures)
5,000 people in attendance = stunned
-Guest host Snoop Dogg kicks us off with his pink Cadillac and hos...whoops, I mean the Bella twins and Eve. What exactly is their job again? He announces HHH vs. Cena, DiBiase vs. Orton, and Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels. The crowd is definitely into Snoop as he brings out DX...
-DX does a dorky white boy routine and then runs down Team Smackdown and actually drop a KATIE VICK REFERENCE~! I am stunned.
Yes, that's HHH dressed as Kane. Yes, he's about to f*** a "dead girl". Yes, it was supposed to be funny. Are we sure we want WWE to go back to TV-14?
Does it really benefit the young workers to have DX come out and pretend they don't know who they are? More "inside" references are dropped before bringing out Team Raw. DX puts them all over before Cody causes the team to start arguing. Kofi tries to play peacemaker (sans accent) and HHH questions him about that very thing. DX gets sick of it, so they book a 5 vs. 5 match where, if any member of Team Raw loses, they are replaced by who beats them. OK then...
Team Raw Replacement Match
MVP, Chavo Guerrero, Evan Bourne, Chris Masters, and Primo vs. Kofi Kingston, Big Show, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, and Cody Rhodes
We cut to commercial first but come back with Chavo controlling on Kofi but misses a charge to the corner and takes a jumping clothesline. Show and Henry argue over the tag, so Cody jumps in the ring and gets his ass kicked by MVP. Cody thinks about tagging but changes his mind and gets tossed by MVP and Evan Bourne adds a high cross body for two. Primo comes in some clotheslines and a russian leg sweep, but misses a dropkick and takes Cross Rhodes. Cody is about to get the glory but Swagger, because he's a dick and all, tags himself in and gets the pin.
Winners: Team Raw
-Post-match, Team Raw brawls with each other while DX looks on. OH HOW WILL THEY EVER COEXIST??! Match didn't even involve everyone in the match **.
-Backstage, DiBiase claims he was just doing what Orton would do, but Randy is still pissed and orders Ted not to throw a punch in their match or he'll throw him out of Legacy.
Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Orton
Orton treats DiBiase likes he's the new guy in prison before he pushes DiBiase a little too hard and causes him to shove Orton to the ground. Ted's got really good facial expressions going for him here. He thinks about going after Orton but accepts his fate and Randy RKOs him for the win.
Winner: Randy Orton
-Not a match at all DUD. However, the seeds are definitely planted and the crowd definitely reacted positively to Ted so, if the turn is done right (a la Batista from Evolution), they might be able to pull it off.
-Tribute video for the late Captain Lou Albano, I'm always a sucker for these...
RIP big guy
-The Jacksonville Jaguars are ringside....surprisingly they only managed to fumble twice during the first hour of the show.
-Snoop plugs his CD before meeting Chavo and Jillian Hall. Our token comedy relief, Santino, comes in dressed as Charlie Brown in a very unfunny moment. Snoop gets sick of it all and throws them out so he can "light one up". But the joke's on you because they are candles....get it?
-Promo for the Batista DVD....wait, what? He has a DVD? Are you serious? Don't you actually have to have more than 2 good matches before getting a DVD?
-DID YOU KNOW? Millions of people have looked at Diva pictures. No shit. They put supermodels in lingerie and then advertise that people click on them alot. This is shocking to someone?
John Cena vs. HHH
Michael Cole claims this could be a WrestleMania main event. Well no shit Sherlock, it already HAS BEEN. God, he's dumb. Wrestling sequence and Cena tries for the AA early, but Trips avoids it and Cena gets two off a hiptoss. He works a top wristlock but HHH breaks it and clotheslines him down for two. HHH works the back with two hard whips to the corner and gets two off of it. More back work and he tries a Pedigree but gets send to the corner and he takes his trademark bump to the floor to send us to commercial....
Do it.
We're back with HHH punishing Cena with a backbreaker for two, then pounds away in the corner. They have a slugfest, won by Cena, but HHH ducks out of the way of a shoulder tackle to stay in control and chops Cena's knee down. HHH goes back to the well one too many times and Cena traps him in an STF, but Hunter makes the ropes. Cena stays in command with a suplex, but Hunter counters a bulldog. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into the STF in the middle of the ring. HHH fights towards the ropes and Cena has to release the hold so Hunter catches him with a Pedigree out of nowhere, but it only gets two and we....TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK?!?
Once you see it, you'll shit bricks
We're back from a terribly timed commercial break with HHH in control and locking on the Sharpshooter (called the "figure four" by Michael Cole...he's drunk). Cena fights to the ropes and comes back with the usual stuff leading to the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment is countered and HHH uses a facebuster to set up a spinebuster. 5384th Pedigree attempt hits but Cena kicks out at two. Hunter tries another but gets caught with an Attitude Adjustment and this time it's Hunter's turn to kick out at two. Cena tries his top rope legdrop but only hits mat and they counter each other's finishers before a final Pedigree hits for the win.
Winner: HHH
-An excellent TV match, but it was hurt by a bizarre commercial break and a little too much finish reversing for my liking. However, you can't ask for much else from a Raw match so it gets ***3/4 with bonus points thrown in for a clean finish. They do the "slow exit for standing ovation" thing while Lawler acts all somber.
-Recap of Miz mocking Marty Jannetty
The Miz vs. Jobby McJobberson
Before Miz can destroy him, Snoop interrupts with a new opponent......
The Miz vs. Marty Jannetty
Guess Marty gets another chance after screwing up during the Rocker Reunion tour a few years ago. Marty gets a quick rollup for two, but Miz comes back with a clothesline that lets Marty work in the 360 SELL that makes me feel like I'm 8 years old again. Jannetty gets a backdrop and shows some pretty good quickness before hitting a BAAAAAAAACK body drop and a fist drop from the top for two. Marty tries for the Rocker Dropper but gets caught and dumped on the top rope, which allows Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
Winner: The Miz
-You didn't really think Marty had a chance, did you? Of course not. Still, the guy must have had his Wheaties this morning. **
Divas Championship
Jillian Hall vs. Melina
Jillian gets the "All American Wrestling jobber" entrance...
Melina's entrance is less enthralling when she's wearing pants. Jillian hits a Samoan drop for two but Melina counters a handspring elbow in the corner. Chavo tries to interfere but is thwarted by Hornswoggle (dressed like a rapper) and Melina hits the Primal Scream for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Melina
-DUD of course. Jillian should be in the new Twilight movie because then she would actually get PAID to suck. Chavo gets in Hornswoggle's face afterwards, so Snoop runs in and shoves him over before hitting a spear. Bye bye Chavo's career....look, there it goes...fare thee well....
-Cole and King do the hard sell for Bragging Rights. Unfortunately, the 85 year old Giant Eagle cashier working the Ticketmaster computer f***ed up during my transaction, so I will not be attending. I refuse to pay over a hundred dollars to sit 30 rows back...I'll just stay home, order it, and get drunk.
-2 redneck NASCAR drivers are the hosts next week. I really couldn't give a shit less.
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho calls out Team Smackdown to gain an advantage, but apparently HHH has rallied Team Raw and they join Shawn in the ring to face off with the other show. Vickie Guerrero makes her return to Raw to rousing boos and wants to pull Smackdown out of the arena before something happens. HHH informs Smackdown that they don't work for him and a big brawl sends us off the air.
No Contest
Final Word
A good build to a PPV this weekend and a great TV match to boot. This week was a definite keeper and Snoop Dogg was pretty good as a guest host. I would still fire the midget and never put Jillian on TV again but, come on, you can't get everything you want. Good show tonight.
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