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Mike Shannon's Raw Review (Oct. 26, 2009)
Written by Mike Shannon on 10/26/2009
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WWE RAW (October 26, 2009)
-I did catch Bragging Rights last night and thought it was a pretty good show. All the matches were technically sign, but there was nothing about the event that made me think it was great. The Cena-Orton main event (which has been called a "classic" on some sites...these people are obviously drunk) was VERY slow in the middle portion and didn't suck me in until the last couple minutes. However, it did have one thing going for it and that was that it hailed from PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA~!
#38 = Stunned
-LIVE from Buffalo, NY (home of the biggest waste of money for a WR in years)
-FINALLY, at least so we've been told, there will be no more Orton-Cena crap in the main event. I fear, however, that this means HHH is waiting in the wings because he hasn't had the title in awhile.....
-Jerishow kick us off with Jericho proudly displaying the trophy that will no doubt be destroyed very soon. Y2J praises Big Show repeatedly, but the big guy has a secret. He reveals that the reason for his betrayal last night was because he struck a deal to challenge the Undertaker for the WWE Title. Great...Show vs. Taker? I'd rather watch someone take a shit. Thankfully, the NASCAR rednecks (named Kyle and Joey apparently) interrupt with their cars and are the WORST ACTORS EVER!!!!
-This Joey kid is about 126 lbs. soaking wet and Kyle Busch delivers...his lines...just like...this....man. He runs down Buffalo by making fun of the Bills and saying we might be singing "Oh, Canada" soon (Jericho: "There's nothing wrong with that!"). The NASCAR guys book Big Show vs. HHH and then makes Chis Jericho vs. Kofi Johnson, whoever that is. Oh, he means Kofi Kingston. What a car wreck that was...pun intended.
Kofi Johnson vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho stalls outside the ring but then lands a cheapshot to take over but he still misses a blind charge and takes a dropkick for two. Kofi works the arm but Jericho gets another cheap shot and chokes Kingston out on the ropes. To the headlock we go but Kofi breaks and hits an elbow off the ropes to set up a dive to the outside. Back in, Kofi tries his punches in the corner but Jericho powerbombs out of it for the double KO. Springboard dropkick puts Kofi to the floor and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
Army's version of HHH
We're back with Jericho using the guillotine on the bottom rope and them going to his sleeper. Kofi makes the comeback with a rollup, but that just pisses Jericho off and he clotheslines him down for two. Kofi wins a slugfest and counters a bulldog to trigger his comeback with lots of jumping. Jamacian-No-Just-Kidding-Ghana Legdrop is countered to a Walls of Jericho attempt and, when Kofi blocks it, Jericho hits him with an enzugiri for two. Kofi counters another blind charge and hits a high cross body, but Jericho rolls through for two.
Ghana legsweep sets up Trouble in Paradise, but Jericho catches him and tries another Walls but Kofi rolls him up for two. Kofi tries to press but Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker out of nowhere, but he's too hurt to cover and when he does it only gets two. Y2J argues his point to the referee which allows Kofi to recover and nail him with Trouble in Paradise for the win.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
-I tell you what, I was FEELIN' this one. See how much better this show instantly gets when you throw two great WRESTLERS out there instead of talking for the first half hour? Great TV match and very nice to see Kofi's upper card push starting. On cue, Randy Orton appears and tosses him off the stage. Call me crazy, but I'm actually interested to see the matches between these two. *** for real good stuff.
-Recap of the Batista turn. I REALLY like this turn because Batista can be a monster heel that can get the heat so long as his character stays strong and he beats the holy piss out of alot of people who are smaller than him.
It's still funny
-Backstage, Orton calls his attack on Kofi "justice". Rhodes and DiBiase chase Josh out in order to give Randy a gift of a racecar with his likeness on it. After all, Ted's dad IS the Million Dollar Man (they need to tap into that more often). They promise the world title will be back soon.
-Still backstage, the WORST ACTORS EVER argue over who is going to win the next race driving WWE's cars while Eve stands nearby. Jack Swagger interrupts and wants a match with Cena tonight. Miz, the only winner on Raw's side last night, wants the Cena match because is...awesome. And yes, the catchphrase is getting over.
-Seamus is coming to Raw...tonight. In case you couldn't tell by my name, I'm more Irish than a case of beer so I'll be unfairly biased towards him. Just fair warning.
Santino Marella and Melina vs. Chavo Guerrero and Jillian Hall
Marella dominates Chavo with basic stuff but misses his saluting splash and gets booted down in the corner. Santino handsprings out of a Hispanic whip and does his own version of the flip, flop n fly. Jillian tags in so Melina comes in and they f*** up a reversal spot. Hornswoggle (still pretending to be HBK) comes out on the apron and Jillian manages to f*** up another rollup spot. Melina hits the Primal Scream for the win.
Winners: Melina and Santino Marella
-Why are these women still employed? DUD. Post-match, DX serves Hornswoggle with a cease-and-desist order for gimmick infringement. Serves him right that copyright violating little shitball.
-Rhodes and DiBiase hit the ring to stop Cena's celebration before it begins and announce their intentions to challenge him to a match tonight....and then of course at Survivor Series for the title. Cena joins them and makes the most unintentionally true statement ever when he says people are going to think Raw is going into reruns by having the same people wrestling all the time. NOOOOOOOO, never heard that before, no sir. He says you have to work to be at the top of WWE (or you just bang the boss's daughter). He announces he talked to the NASCAR people and made a match tonight...
Legacy vs. MVP and Mark Henry
When we come back from commercial, Cody is pounding away on MVP and works a chinlock. MVP comes back with a clothesline and gets the lukewarm tag to Henry, who uses his fat to take control but a well-timed knee clip by DiBiase turns the tide. The heels work him over in their corner and employ the usual "distract the ref and double team the face" stuff. Henry is extremely obese, he should try non-fat dressing on his salads. I heard that saves 200 calories a month or something. Henry slams Cody to get the hot tag to MVP who uses his usual stuff to set up the Baller Elbow on DiBiase for two, save by Cody. MVP struggles getting DiBiase over on a sunset flip, so Henry uses a cheapshot clothesline to assist and it gets the pin.
Winners: MVP and Mark Henry
-I really don't understand that booking at all. DiBiase and Rhodes are the future of the show and MVP/Henry are NEVER going to get over, no matter how much they smile and dress like "before" and "after" Slim-Fast ads. *1/2
-Randy Orton hits the ring to bitch about losing his title and demands his rematch as a former champion. Kofi Johnson interrupts on the Titantron so Orton wants him to say it to his face.
Very poor choice of words
-Kofi is, of course, standing on top of Orton's brand new racecar and destroys it with various objects before dumping a bucket of paint on it. I can dig it.
-The Buffalo Bills are here...they are so bad that I can't even make a joke because I don't like making fun of the handicapped.
Evan Bourne vs. The Miz
Eve Torres is the special guest ring announcer, if you care. Miz takes control early with some hard kicks and a back suplex for two. Miz goes to a sitting surfboard and Bourne eventually fights out, leading to a pretty cool wrestling sequence that results in Bourne landing some STIFF kicks and flying head scissors into a sitting clothesline for two. Miz recovers and hammers away in the corner while Jack Swagger makes his way to ringside and cuts a promo to hit on Eve. Miz hits his clothesline in the corner but gets distracted by Swagger on the floor, allowing Bourne to hit a plancha on both men and beat the count to win the match.
Winner: Evan Bourne
-Will anything come of Bourne winning this match? Probably not, but I'm a big Bourne supporter so I'll take what I can get **1/4.
-Recap of Orton trying to blow up Cena like some sort of Bond supervillain.
-Next week: Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne will host.
Jamie Noble vs. Seamus
Noble gets the All-American Wrestling entrance so he can get destroyed. The paleness of Seamus is actually causing my TV to threaten suicide. He sends Noble to the floor with a shoulderblock and sends him into the ring steps before bringing Jamie back inside and drops elbows for two. Standing backbreaker hurts Noble but he still tries a rollup and even that doesn't work. Knees in the corner set up the Brock Lesnar trademarked repeating backbreakers, then hits a jumping big boot for the win.
Winner: Seamus
-I actually thought Noble got too much offense in, but that's just nit-picking. It was a squash so that gets *.
-Note to the tool behind Lawler and Cole on the cell phone making faces: I hope you die.
HHH vs. Big Show
Show tries to attack but HHH lets him know that this is now a Lumberjack match, with the guys surrounding the ring all being members of the Raw roster. Well, that sucks to be the Big Show. Jericho quietly making his escape through the crowd while nervously looking over his shoulder is worth the price of admission alone. HBK also reminds everyone that this is a no-DQ match and the special guest referee is none other than John Cena.
No-DQ Lumberjack Match
Big Show vs. HHH
We come back from commercial with Hunter locking on a sleeperhold to try and wear him down. So if it's no-DQ and there's no referee, why doesn't the whole roster just bring a buncha chairs into the ring and beat the living piss out of him until they get tired of doing it? It's not like there are any rules to follow or authority figures to be afraid of.
Show misses a charge but Hunter stupidly tries to slam him and gets squashed for two. Show catches him with a spear (sold well by HHH) and badmouths HBK while stepping on Hunter's chest. Chops in the corner lead to a Flair Flop and HHH's comeback is stopped by a sideslam for two. Show hits the neck massage (otherwise known as a vise grip) and puts Hunter down with a series of headbutts. Chris Masters tries to interject himself and gets knocked out by Show.
By the way, I have to mention the fact that the one side of the ring is only populated by the three black wrestlers. I know it's unintentional, but it's still funny. HHH comes back with a facebuster but it's no sold and he catches Hunter in a chokeslam, but that's turned into a DDT for two. He tries the Pedigree but Show slams him down and hits a Vader Bomb but Cena forgets what comes after 2.
FINALLY the Raw roster attacks, with little success, before Mark Henry and MVP put him down and Bourne hits Air Bourne. SANTINO even gets involved, but takes a little too much time setting up and gets chokeslammed. Kofi makes up for it with Trouble in Paradise, Cena follows with the Attitude Adjustment, and HHH throws a Smackdown shirt on Big Show before DX put him out of his misery with their finishers and HHH gets the win.
Winners: HHH
-I actually really liked the booking of this match, with Show made to look like an unstoppable giant while still popping the crowd for the finish.
-The NASCAR guys come out to announce Cena's opponent for Survivor Series with help from Hornswoggle. They book John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. HHH for the world title. Uh oh, I smell another DX break-up angle....
Final Word
An extremely good opening match and good angles on the Kofi-Orton storyline and World title situation. I could have done without the mixed tag or Legacy booking, but I guess you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes....
Good show tonight, easy enough.
GO STEELERS!!
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