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Mike Shannon's TNA Impact LIVE Review (March 8, 2010)
Written by Mike Shannon on 03/08/2010
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TNA Impact! (March 8, 2010)
-Check out the "ASK MIKE ANYTHING" mailbag in my Raw review and be part of it by sending a message to dlman91@hotmail.com
-The Raw review also features my encounter with "Michelle McCool". Her profile has since been shutdown, but here is a group of the ridiculousness: http://tinyurl.com/fakedivas
-LIVE! from Orlando, FL.
-I will actually be attending the TNA event in Pittsburgh on Saturday, so hopefully this show gets me all excited and junk.
Who wouldn't be excited for an event in THIS classic venue?
Hulk Hogan and Abyss vs. Ric Flair and AJ Styles
Interesting choice to snag viewers early and hell, why not? Abyss and Hulk kick us off and Hogan has switched back to the red and yellow, but has stuck with the nWo rip-off theme. Flair goes with his IC title robe as I get annoyed that Flair has canceled out that AWESOME send-off WWE gave him.
Abyss overpowers Styles and AJ heads for the hills, tagging in Flair who chops away in the corner and officially is unretired. Ric goes low behind the ref's back and the heels proceed to cheat until Hogan comes in a takes an enzuigiri from AJ. Pier-6 brawl breaks out and the heels have the upper hand until...the lights go out.
Using the old ECW trick, the lights come back on and STING is in the middle of the ring with his baseball bat. But, since it's Vince Russo, he immediately turns on Hulk Hogan and Abyss, blasting them both with the bat and allowing the heels to use a chair. Both faces get busted open until security breaks it up.
No Contest
-Nothing match until the Sting angle. 1/4* Hogan announces this is not over and they will finish it tonight in a no-DQ match. No one loves Hogan more than me, but they really should have had the X-Division put on a high-flying spotfest to stand out from Raw's slow mat-based style.
-Backstage, Sting grabs the MILF Dixie Carter and tells him he owes her nothing.
45 years old and WOOOOOOO a-OK with me
-Flair promises blood and guts and Abyss flips out.
-Brooke Hogan is upset and Hogan's girlfriend comforts her and shows off her cleavage.
-Kaz is in the ring and promises to carry the torch of the X-Division into the Monday Night Skirmish, but Christopher Daniels takes offense to that and spouts off. BUT WAIT, Doug Williams also wants to brag a bit, giving us a three-way argument that draws out Uncle Eric. Bischoff books them all for the title RIGHT NOW!!
X-Division Title
Kazarian vs. Daniels vs. Doug Williams
Everyone gets quick pinfalls and we get some creative three-way spots with Daniels taking control. Kaz comes back and hits a Northern Lights suplex on Williams while rolling up Daniels in a cool spot. Kaz clears the ring and follows with a somersault dive to the outside to a nice pop.
Kazarian misses his slingshot legdrop back inside and Doug Williams takes control with a high knee for a near fall. Daniels returns and dominates both men, hitting a Lionsault on Kaz for two. He follows with a Death Valley Drives on Kazarian for another two. Williams and Daniels screw something up on the top rope, allowing Kaz to hit a double missile dropkick for the triple KO.
Kaz makes the babyface comeback and hits a springboard legdrop for two. Daniels tries Angel Wings, but Williams returns and they all roll each other up for two. Swinging neckbreaker gets two for Kaz but Daniels comes back and tries the BME. Kaz rolls out of the way, but Williams catches Daniels, drives him into Kaz, and hits the Chaos Theory to keep the title.
Winner and STILL Champion: Doug Williams
-A couple blown spots hurt it, but still a really good TV match that should have kicked off the show ***1/4. Shannon Moore makes his return and kicks Doug's ass, causing Uncle Eric to announce the match between the two at Destination X.
-Backstage, Dixie Carter is a MILF GONE WILD and books Sting against a mystery opponent.
Knockouts Tag Title
Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People vs. Angelina Love & Tara
Awesome Kong quit after beating up Bubba the Fat Ass, so we get this for the vacant titles. The heels run away so Tara starts with Taylor, who hits a leg lariat for two. Tara comes back and slams Wilde, but Sarita comes in with a springboard stunner and Velvet tags herself in for two.
Tara gets trapped in the heel corner and Madison pounds away, but Sarita and Taylor make the save. Lacey helps to get rid of them, but Angelina makes the IMPLANTS OUTTA CONTROL comeback to clear the ring. Tara tries to finish with the Widow's Peak, but Daffney runs-in, smacks her with the belt and the Beautiful People get the pin.
Winners and NEW Champions: The Beautiful People
-Predictable but somewhat decent. A little too messy and disjointed for my liking though *3/4.
-Backstage, The Pope tries to give an interview but Desmond Wolfe attacks and injures the ankle further with a chain.
-After a break, The Beautiful People have a champagne bath with JB...that lucky bastard.
JB...JB...JB...
Sting vs. Rob Van D Moam
MR. MONDAY NIGHT makes his return. Mark out city, baby. A kick from a top rope and Rolling Thunder quickly ends it.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
-DUD, but that's not the point. Sting beats him down with the bat afterwards to set up their upcoming feud. Good knee selling from RVD and good to see him back. Crowd is nuts for RVD even as he's getting his ass kicked. Hogan tries to make the save but security holds him off.
Fonzie = Ratings
-Sting blasts Hogan in the ribs with the bat as he is being held by security. Honestly, they should have had Rob Van Dam make a big superman comeback to really pop the crowd.
-Nash and Young hit the ring...
This is just begging to be photoshopped
Anyways, they call out Waltman and Hall and the Band really take their timeetting to the ring *cough*COORSLIGHT*cough* (Crowd: "Hall is missing!" clap clap clapclapclap). Hall wants a big TNA contract (is Turner back in charge?) but Uncle Eric appears and says if they beat Nash & Young they will get TNA contracts or they are banned from TNA.
Sean Waltman smacks the hell out of Eric Young and triggers a brawl, which pisses off Bischoff, so we get...
Eric Young vs. Sean Waltman
Young attacks but Waltman hits his kicks in the corner. EY comes back with a back body drop but Waltman hits a STIFF spinning heel kick. Waltman misses the Bronco Buster, allowing Young to hit the piledriver for the win.
Winner: Eric Young
-Just an angle *.
-Speaking of angles, the US Army helps bring out Kurt Angle (see what I did there?) to cut a promo on Mr. Anderson. USA promo follows as the camera focuses in on all the passed-out Army signs. You didn't really think people brought those to Universal Studios, did you?
Mr. Anderson gets the Burn of the Week, saying it's not about Kurt and all those "high school dropouts" out there. That REALLY angers Mr. Angle, so he attacks Anderson at the interview segment. Ken manages to get the upper hand but the Army troops block his exit and Kurt kicks his ass while the Army guys gets some weak shots as well.
-After a break, Bubba the Fat Ass tries to talk Hogan out of more wrestling. Earl Hebner takes the opportunity to ask for his job back and Bubba peels himself off the couch to beg for Earl's job as well. Hulk relents and hires Earl back on the condition that he stops the match if it gets out of control. Since Vince Russo is involved, this will not end well for Mr. Hogan.
-Backstage, Beer Money beats down Jeff Jarrett after Double J demands to know why they volunteered to face him in a handicap match.
Jeff Jarret vs. Beer Money
We join in progress as Mick Foley is the special guest referee, which was not announced, much like this match. Beer Money double teams Jarrett, who makes a brief comeback, but a spinebuster ends that quickly. James Storm hits the Eye of the Storm and soaks up the boos just one week after acting like total babyfaces. I hate this kind of booking.
Storm accidentally spits beer in his partner's face and Jarrett makes the comeback and gets rid of both guys to the outside. Jeff does well on the side, but Jarrett eventually hits the security railing. Mick has seen enough and passes Jarrett the barbwire baseball bat. Double J swings but referee Slick Johnson grabs the bat and Beer Money hits the DWI for the win.
Winners: Beer Money
-OK I understand the whole "Jarrett vs. the World" thing but Beer Money going mega-heel one week after playing the "guys who don't get a chance" team against Morgan & Hernandez doesn't make sense **.
-Backstage, we see a depressing, ugly, and hard-to-watch scene...BROOKE HOGAN ACTING!! She makes Hulk promise this is his last match.....OOOOOOOOOOOK.
I'll give you a last match, honey
No-DQ Match
AJ Styles & Ric Flair vs. Abyss & Hulk Hogan
Flair chops away on Hogan but Hulk back drops him and forces Flair to the outside. The team's corners are different than they usually are, meaning something fishy is going on. Flair and Hogan brawl around the ring and Ric is busted open already. Ric tries chopping again but Hulk no-sells and goes to the eyes for fun.
Hulk continues hammering away while Brooke bounces away and Ric bleeds away. Flair Flop on the entrance ramp allows Abyss to get in his shots. Back in, Hulk whips Flair with his belt but Ric goes low to turn the tide and tags in AJ. Styles brawls to the outside with Hulk and beats him up in front of his daughter. Now, it's Hogan's turn to be busted open again, which is not too difficult.
Flair comes back in and goes low as he is just bleeding EVERYWHERE. Kinda uncomfortable to watch, actually. Ric makes the mistake of going up top for the Double Axe That Never Hits Anyone and gets tossed off like he has for 30 years. Hot tag to Abyss and he kicks everyone's ass and you can actually see Earl Hebner listening to his earpiece and yelling about something.
Chokeslam for AJ and then one more for Ric Flair has Abyss FEELING THE POWER OF HULKAMANIA, BROTHER! Flair and Hogan brawl on the outside, while AJ hits his springboard flying forearm for two. Now Abyss HULKS UP to a very minimal reaction but Hogan returns to deliver a double big boot. Flair is floored and Hogan whips AJ into a Black Hole Slam for the win.
Winners: Abyss & Hulk Hogan
-Post-match, Desmond Wolfe runs down and takes out Abyss with a chair. Another heel beatdown results, but the Pope tries to make the save until AJ clips his ankle. Finally, Jeff Hardy makes his return (again) and clears the ring as we go off the air. Call the whole thing **3/4.
Final Word
This was the very definition of "Crash TV" as TNA threw as much as they could against the wall, hoping that they would catch some Raw viewers flipping back and forth.
The good: I marked out for RVD's return, Jeff Hardy should definitely be in the main event picture (he was freaking WWE Champion a few months ago), and there was a really good X-Division match.
The bad: Ric Flair shouldn't be blading like that anymore, especially in a match like that. Crash TV is really tough to watch when you want storylines to make sense. There really wasn't any build/reason for people to watch next week or buy the PPV.
The ugly: The thought of Scott Hall wrestling a full match.
Call it a toss-up this week, with it leaning ever-so-slightly to TNA because I'm really bored with the WWE product at the moment.
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