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Mike Shannon's Money in the Bank 2010 Review
Written by Mike Shannon on 07/19/2010
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Mike Shannon's Money in the Bank 2010 Review
-So I actually ordered this PPV due to my interest in the event...will my $45 be well-spent or would I have been better off lighting the cash on fire and dancing around it?
Smackdown Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Matt Hardy vs. Christian vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Big Show
The big guys clear the ring and Show makes an attempt at the climb but his beluga whale waistline is just too much and the ladder breaks. Kane takes a ladder IN THE FACE and everyone teams up to run Show into the ring steps. McIntyre catapults Christian into a ladder but Hardy stops his climb with a Greco-Roman Ladder to the Back.
All the little guys make climbing attempts until Dolph gets tossed off the top. Hardy shoves Christian off a ladder but it looks odd because Christian aborts the spot halfway through...probably because Show was out of position to catch him. Kane gets sandwiched by the cold, unforgiving steel and Christian flapjacks Hardy onto a ladder. Captain Charisma climbs again but gets dumped and THIS time Big Show is there to catch him outside the ring.
Kane gets taken out with a Trouble in Paradise/Twist of Fate combo but McIntyre returns and runs everyone into the ring posts. Kane realizes he is now pissed off and lays out McIntyre on the Spanish announce table. Kofi (playing Shelton Benjamin) lays out Kane and hits the big spot of the match, a huge Boom Drop through the table...McIntyre is dead.
Ziggler tries to sneak in the back door but Big Show is there to chokeslam him back to JobberLand. Ladder to the back pisses him off more and Show splash a ladder onto Christian and Hardy at the same time. Show (slowly) gets his reinforced special ladder from under the ring but Cody goes to the injured ankle to end that attempt. Dolph makes an climb but Show recovers and takes everyone out until Kofi hits a DDT. Rhodes returns with a dropkick and delivers Cross Rhodes on a ladder, which the camera misses.
Dolph Zig-Zags Cody into the ladder (looking awkward) but Show ends him. Kane dumps Show to the outside and everyone buries him under 7 ladders to kill him dead. Big brawl breaks out but Kane dominates and dumps Dolph on top of the sea of ladders. Kofi soon follows with another chokeslam and, wisely, Cody tries to run away. Kane catches up and lawn-darts him into an armored truck around the entrance ramp...I give it a 0.5 Mysterio.
Hardy and Christian team up to take out Kane but they both go tumbling from the ladder, leaving the ring empty. Drew McIntyre peels himself off the ring floor and makes a climb but Kane recovers and a chokeslam sends Drew to hell. Kane claims the briefcase to become the surprise winner and get a decent pop.
Winner: Kane
-LONG match but definitely a really good one with non-stop action and not a whole lot of that "slow climb" shit that annoys me. However, what was up with the announcers calling Big Show "The Giant" the whole match? Is it 1995 and no one told me? **** for really good stuff and a great opener.
-Backstage, Sheamus thinks he gets no respect and promises to make Cena pay for his stupid jokes.
Divas Title
Alicia Fox vs. Eve
For those new to the game, let me summarize both competitors: Eve is hot but sucks. Alicia is somewhat hot (although still looks strangely Asian) and sucks more.
Something resembling a wrestling sequence starts us off until Eve throws her awful dropkick and hits a clothesline in the corner. The crowd could not care any less about this match after that opener.
To the outside, Eve hits the apron resulting in a near fall and Alicia works the back. A nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two but Eve comes back with a cross body for two. More terrible dropkicks by Eve but the back is too injured for a suplex so she hits a standing moonsault for two. Eve then becomes a complete moron and tries a senton which only hits knees and an axe kick gets the pin.
Winner and STILL Champion: Alicia Fox
-Surprise, surprise...this didn't suck. Negative: The crowd was completely silent, positive: Eve is still really hot **1/2.
-Recap of Kane chokeslamming Swagger's dad (aka Jimmy Golden aka Bunkhouse Buck) and Jack yells at his mom on the phone...what a nice guy.
Unified Tag Titles
Hart Dynasty vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso
Said it once, I'll say it again: Natalya is EXTREMELY underrated. Smith hits Jey with a powerslam and Tyson tags in with a hurricanrana for two. Back to David, who gets trapped in the heel corner and takes a BIG running ass-to-the-face for two.
Smith hits a backdrop but the tag attempt gets cut off by Jimmy and a splash gets two...crowd is scarily dead for a world tag title match. Belly to belly allows for a lukewarm tag to Kidd, who cleans house and stomps a mudhole but neglects to walk it dry. Blind tag to Jimmy allows a double team alley-oop Samoan drop for two but a Superfly Splash only hits knees. Hot tag to David and Natalya gets rid of Tamina, allowing Smith to lock on the Sharpshooter and get the submission win.
Winners and STILL Champions: The Hart Dynasty
-Match was good enough but the crowd ignored it and they jobbed the Usos clean in the ring, which I don't understand **3/4.
"Don't job my family tree, brudda brudda"
World Heavyweight Title
Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger
One thought: "Mr. Swagger, I know Kurt Angle...Kurt Angle went to my university and is from my hometown. Mr. Swagger, you are no Kurt Angle."
Swagger immediately goes to the injured knee and tries for the ankle lock early but Rey Rey breaks and teases a 619. Asai moonsault is caught by Swagger and he hangs Rey in the Tree of Woe but misses his blind charge to the corner and Mysterio hits a seated senton to the outside, further injuring the knee. Back in, Rey heads up top but Swagger pops up with the Kurt Angle Belly to Belly...come on dude, get your own damn spots.
Swagger goes to the leg again and Rey tries to escape to the outside but Jack introduces him to the announce table. Back in, Swagger gets two before locking on a knee bar and wrenching the leg. Rey kicks out of it and tries whatever because Swagger REALLY botches something looking like a powerslam for two. Running Vader Bomb hits nothing and a kick to the face sets up another seated senton. Flying headscissors sets up a split-legged moonsault for two.
Swagger recovers with a wheelbarrow suplex for two and follows with the gutwrench suplex but Rey is in the ropes. Swagger fights for the leg again in an awesome bit of psychology but Rey sends him into the ring post with a twisting hurricanrana. Both men head to the top and Swagger tries a powerslam but Mysterio counters with a BIG tornado DDT but it only gets two.
Rey Rey hits the 619 but when he tries to drop the dime, Swagger catches him in the ankle lock. A pair of running Vader Bombs hit and Swagger goes for the ankle lock but Rey has loosened the boot a la Eddie Guerrero and the boot flies off. Swagger is temporarily stunned and Mysterio hits a hurricanrana to get the pin.
Winner and STILL Champion: Rey Mysterio
-So not only does Swagger steal Angle's spots and finisher, but they also swipe the finish from the Angle-Eddie match at WrestleMania. Annoyance aside, this was a REALLY good match for the time given ***3/4.
-Swagger attacks after the match with the ankle lock, but Kane makes the save. Mysterio finally enjoys his win until Kane returns with a briefcase...
World Heavyweight Title
Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
Rey Rey tries to head for the hills but is quickly caught and Kane punishes the knee. A chokeslam to hell followed by a Tombstone is all that is needed for a new champion.
Winner and NEW Champion: Kane
-DUD of course but interesting trivia: Kane is the only person to hold the WWE title, ECW title, and World Heavyweight title...you're welcome.
Strangely enough, none of them were as Isaac Yankem, DDS (get it? "I. Yankem"? BWAAAHAHAHAHA)
Or Fake Diesel...oh, memories.
Women's Title
Layla vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly is ANGRY and uses SLAPS to PUNISH Layla...WOW! Handspring elbow misses but Kelly comes back with a victory roll for two. To the outside, Layla yanks the apron to trip up Kelly in a stupid spot and gets two. Baseball slide sends Kelly to the outside, where she takes out her frustrations on Michelle McCool and her manly voice. Back in, Kelly hits the K2 (God awful Rocker Dropper) but McCool can't even put someone's foot on the ropes properly so Layla does it herself to break at two. Kelly tries a rollup but Layla sits down and gets the pin...thank God.
Winner and STILL Champion: Layla
-Sloppy, bad, and stupid *.
Above: Better use of Kelly Kelly's talents
Raw Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison vs. Mark Henry vs. Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne vs. Ted DiBiase
Edge bails to start so everyone teams up against Mark Henry with Miz hitting a corner clothesline and Bourne following with a dropkick. Edge makes a backdoor attempt but Orton stops him and slugs away on the outside. Morrison dodges a DiBiase ladder show but Ted clotheslines him onto the steel equalizer. Bourne takes out Ted Jr. but gets dumped by Miz, who squares off with Jericho (called the "thrillseeker" by Striker, who apparently has been watching his SMW tapes his week).
Old-school, baby
Henry returns with a ladder shot and crushes Miz's head like a grape, sending him to the floor. Jericho is quick to smack Henry down with a ladder but Bourne takes him out with a dropkick. Edge tries to stop the climb but gets caught with a hurricanrana. Orton does a better job, using the ladder rungs for the Hangman's DDT. Morrison returns with a kick to the face but DiBiase and Miz beat him down.
Morrison comes back with a flapjack on Miz into a ladder and DiBiase eats ladder off a drop toe hold. Morrison, Orton, Jericho, and Edge all head up the ladders but Mark Henry appears and pushes both ladders over like Hercules in a nice spot. Bourne returns with a double knee press on Henry but hurts himself on the move. Everyone is out so Maryse decides she is going to climb the ladder while everyone is dead.
No bitching, there's a ladder in the picture
Morrison greets Maryse but this is the PG-era so there is no violence against women so she just gets neatly deposited on the apron. DiBiase uses the distraction to pound Morrison but he misses a splash in the corner and tumbles to the outside. Miz hammers away on Morrison, slingshotting him into a ladder just to be a dick. However Morrison climbs the ladder and uses it to stop Edge, who was climbing in the middle of the ring.
Edge gets pissed and threads Morrison through the two sides of the ladder and Miz helps Edge bash a ladder against Morrison's midsection. If that's not bad enough, Edge shoves the ladder over in a really good OUCH moment. DiBiase takes out Edge and sets up a ladder upside down next to another ladder. Another ladders gets set up next to the upside down one and Henry stops a DiBiase climb with the World's Fattest Slam.
Henry dominates for a bit but gets stopped by Edge and Orton. Bourne makes a briefcase attempt but he gets dumped into the waiting arms of Mark Henry on the outside, where the World's Fattest Slam kills him. Henry quickly eats a Codebreaker and a spear from Edge to effectively take him out of the match as well.
All remaining workers head up the extremely unstable ladder construction as DiBiase scaffolds a ladder perpendicular to the ropes. Rated RKO reunites to dump Teddy Jr. to the outside and Orton delivers an RKO to Edge. Jericho and Morrison fight for the case and Chris hangs upside down but Orton RKOs Morrison to stop him then, in an AWESOME spot, as soon as Orton lands the RKO he is immediately hit with a Air Bourne by the returning Evan.
Bourne makes...the...slow...climb but Jericho sucks it up and uprights himself to stop the THISCLOSE finish and send Bourne falling to earth. Jericho gets frustrated at the swinging briefcase, which allows Edge to recover and climb the other side. Jericho tumbles off the ladder and gets caught with an RKO on the way down...damn. Orton shoves Edge on top of the upside down ladder in a "HOLY SHIT that hurt" moment. Orton makes his climb but Miz returns from nowhere to shove the ladder over and claim the briefcase for the upset win.
Winner: The Miz
-Wow, another GREAT ladder match and a surprise ending. Cole puts over the win HUGE and Miz is almost in tears as he gets the biggest moment of his career so far. Great match ****1/2.
Cage Match for the WWE Title
Sheamus vs. John Cena
Let's be honest here, everyone is just waiting to see how Nexus will be involved. By the way...
Sheamus will be revealed as the Nexus mastermind...just a guess.
Slow start until Sheamus gains control and forces Cena into the corner with shoulderblocks. Cena comes back with a clothesline but Sheamus is able to send him into the cage for the first time. If this were 1988, that would have had Cena blade like a stuck pig. Sheamus uses his uses punchy-kicky stuff to stay on top until Cena comes out of nowhere and slugs away. Sheamus fends it off with a running knee lift and uses the cage like a cheese grater...only CENA'S FACE IS THE MOZZARELLA!!! See kiddies, don't become a hardcore smark or you'll become a cynical, sarcastic, pain in the ass like me.
Knee drop hits for the Irishman but Cena comes back with a suplex for two. Slugfest, won by Cena, leads to a shoulderblock but a second attempt sends Cena flying into the cage. Sheamus hits a reverse backbreaker for two and tries the first escape attempt but is quickly stopped. They fight on the top turnbuckle and Cena brings him off with a big superplex for two in a nice little spot.
Attitude Adjustment is countered with a DDT for two and Sheamus hits an Irish Hammer for another near fall. Second Irish Hammer hits but he goes back to the well once too often and Cena ducks but Sheamus gets a sleeper anyways. Cena powers to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle, which doesn't lead to anything except Cena getting crotched after Sheamus breaks the hold.
Sheamus makes another escape attempt but Cena sends him face-first into the turnbuckle and goes into his usual comeback offense. I think the moves are called Yawn, Gag, Snore, and Who Cares...but that could be just me. Attitude Adjustment is stopped when Sheamus grabs the cage and climbs up before being sent back to the mat. Cena follows with a top rope Five Knuckle Shuffle but it only hits mat and Cena injures him arm.
Sheamus ties Cena up in the ropes but instead of, you know, actually WINNING THE MATCH, he uses the opportunity to taunt and punch. Sheamus finally uses Cena as a step stool to climb but Cena breaks free and uses a top rope bulldog to put Sheamus down for two. Attitude Adjustment is broken again and Sheamus hit the Irish Curse for a brief double KO. Pump kick hits out of nowhere but it only gets two to the dismay, DISMAY I SAY, of Sheamus.
Sheamus looks to finish but gets hit with a surprise Attitude Adjustment for two, which is the cue for Nexus to arrive. Michael Tarver tries to use bolt cutters to get in the cage, but a referee grabs them and runs away. Nexus corners referee Jack Doan for the keys to the cage but he tosses them into the crowd. Meanwhile, Cena shoves Sheamus into the referee inside the ring and locks on the STF, earning a tapout and nothing else since he knocked out the referee like a goof.
Cena attempts an escape attempt but Justin Gabriel stops him, earning himself a trip to the mat...the hard way. The rest of Nexus runs interference while Heath Slater only makes a half-hearted attempt to stop Sheamus escaping the other side. Sheamus hits the floor and escapes takes off through the crowd.
Winner and STILL Champion: Sheamus
-Post-match, Cena gets pissed and beats down Darren Young and Michael Tarver. Tarver gets hit with the ring steps as the roid rage is out of the control. The announcers come off as really stupid saying what a force Nexus is while three of them are KO'ed at ringside. Call the whole thing *** but don't blame the workers because they were given way too much time for their abilities.
Final Word
OK, women's wrestling aside, this was an AWESOME show that was well worth the $45 to see live. Both ladder matches delivered and the main event was good enough for what it was. I'm starting to lose faith in the Nexus storyline but we'll see what happens on Raw.
See you in about 7 hours, minions. |
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