FATP: 3 “Mark Out” Opponents for CM Punk

Look at your screen, what do ya see? It’s this week’s F-A-T-P! Yup, you guessed it, I’m still in a good mood and back with my thoughts on the wrestling world as we all know and love it! For the second week in a row, I’m in a terrific mood, which is becoming a concern! Haha..

Thanks for all the amazing feedback that I got last week about my “30 Most Entertaining WWE superstars of All-Time” column. I put a lot of hard work into it and had a lot of fun writing it, so cheers to everyone that got involved! If you didn’t catch it, check it out here. I also wrote a discussion-type column with Ray at Wrestling Rambles over the weekend about CM Punk’s title reign, which is available to read here. Finally, after the news about Kelly Kelly leaving the WWE last week, I wrote a blog naming the 10 women who I’d choose to spearhead a Divas revolution. It was just something quick, but it’s online at this link. Now that the shameless plugs are out of the way, it’s time to delve into the world of sports-entertainment and since I’m in the mood for list columns right now, I thought I’d choose 3 “mark out” opponents for CM Punk.

Punker’s title reign has seen him defend the belt against the likes of Alberto del Rio, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Chris Jericho, Mark Henry (I think), Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show and John Cena. That’s a pretty long list of challengers and Punk’s still wearing the WWE Title proudly on his shoulder. Punk’s alignment with Paul Heyman is moving him closer towards heel status, but to be fair, he still gets cheered by sections of the crowd. It’s because some fans, not all but some, think he’s got a point about searching for respect, especially in terms of the way the WWE Title has been showcased in 2012.

With rumours doing the rounds today about John Cena possibly taking some more time off after Hell in a Cell, WWE are pretty much screwed in terms of future opponents for Punk. Nobody else on the current roster apart from Randy Orton, is established enough as a main-eventer to be seen as a credible threat to the man who’s held the WWE Title for the last 317 days (as of today, Tuesday 2nd October).

I wouldn’t take this list of “mark-out” opponents for Punk seriously, because in all honesty, they’re not likely to happen, especially in the near future. Think of it almost like a “fantasy opponent” kind of deal. These are the guys who I’d mark the fuck out for if I heard their music interrupt a CM Punk/Paul Heyman in-ring promo. Hopefully that’s explained it a bit, so before I go off on a major tangent here, let’s get crack-a-lackin’!

Jeff Hardy

Jeff’s TNA contract is rumoured to be expiring pretty soon and I reckon he’ll want at least one more run in the WWE before he calls it quits altogether. Despite the problems that Jeff’s had in recent years, one thing’s remained the same: he’s ridiculously over with the crowd. Jeff is pretty much smaller (in terms of his weight) than everyone else he wrestles, Jeff sells moves like a motherfucker ( making his opponent look like a million bucks) and more importantly, his comebacks are BELIEVABLE. Not like other babyfaces who get their asses handed to them, then forget which body part they’re supposed to sell as they make their comeback.

In terms of coming back against Punk, Hardy is one of the few fresh, established main-event calibre superstars in TNA who could make the transition to WWE again. Why? Because most of the crowd still know who he is, even though he’s been gone for 3 years now. The crowd would go batshit crazy if Jeff turned up on Raw to “disrespect” the WWE Champion. The storyline pretty much writes itself too. Punk beat Jeff to make him “leave the WWE”. Hardy gets re-signed by the Raw GM to get revenge on Punk and we get yet another series of classic Hardy/Punk contests. Everybody wins!

Kurt Angle

Again, without being disrespectful to TNA, the Olympic gold medallist Kurt Angle is another wrestler who the WWE Universe still knows enough about to make sure he’d get a thunderous ovation if he ever returned to WWE. I was talking about this on Twitter the other day and I said that if I heard Kurt Angle’s WWE theme blasting out over the PA again, I’d probably have some form of trouser accident. Yup. You read that right. A trouser accident. As Kurt would say, it would be amazeballs to see him back in the WWE.

In all honesty, I don’t think Kurt has got long left as a pro-wrestler. He’s dedicated his life to wrestling, first as an amateur and for the last 13 years as a professional wrestler. He’s banged up and has to be in severe pain almost every time he gets between the ropes for a match. The man is truly a wrestling machine and to see Angle take on Punk for the title of “Best in the World” is a truly mouth-watering prospect. To my knowledge, they’ve never wrestled each other before and it would be a clinic between two of the best in-ring performers of the last decade.

Stone Cold Steve Austin

I genuinely thought we’d see Austin on Raw last night. When JR was walking back up the ramp after being berated by CM Punk and we saw the Titantron, I honestly believed we’d hear the glass smashing! I’m telling ya, that crowd in Oklahoma would have exploded if Austin was there. Austin’s accomplishments in wrestling speak for themselves, so you don’t need me to ramble on about them. Simply put, he’s the most intense and popular WWE superstar of all-time. Without him, the WWE probably wouldn’t be in business today.

Since Punk came to prominence, fans around the world have been dreaming about seeing the finger-raising, beer-swilling, foul-mouthed Texas Rattlesnake take on the straight-edge Voice of the Voiceless. I suspect Austin probably wants one more match, at the biggest stage of them all, against the best opponent he can find. That opponent isn’t John Cena. It’s not Sheamus or Randy Orton. It’s CM Punk. Punk is the only man on the current roster who could hang with Austin in terms of promos and intensity and I don’t mean this in a bad way, but Punk’s the only man on the roster who could give Steve Austin the send-off he wants and deserves. For what it’s worth, I reckon that an Austin/Punk confrontation would deliver more than the Rock/Cena ever did. Whether it’ll happen or not is anyone’s guess.

Well, there we have it. Sorry this was a little shorter today, but I’m still shattered after the 6,000 word effort last week! Who would you mark out most for if they interrupted and, or, feuded with CM Punk? As usual, get in touch with me on Twitter @george_sltd or leave a comment below. That’ll just about wrap things up from me this week. I’ll be back same time, same place next Tuesday with a TNA themed edition of FATP. Until then, thanks for reading.

Peace out,


  • http://www.facebook.com/LitoDLC Carlos Aristy

    Punk vs Austin would be awesome. I do not want Cena Vs Rock Headlining wrestlemania again. It wasn’t that good the first time.