After sitting watching Raw earlier today, I just had to sit down and write about something. It’s not anything ground-breaking. In fact, it’s familiar territory to me and long-term readers will probably know what the topic is. For anyone who missed Raw, or who hasn’t seen it yet, let me fill you in on something.
Last night on Raw, Vickie Guerrero announced that a former WWE and World Champion would be making his return at WWE’s next PPV (which is 2 weeks on Sunday), Hell in a Cell. Is it The Undertaker I hear you ask? No. It isn’t.
It’s a man who’s been missing for just about 7 weeks now. It’s a man who said he’d be out for over 6 months when he cut his last promo on Raw. Yup. You’ve guessed it. It’s John Cena. No. I’m not foolin’. John Cena will make his return to the WWE at the Hell in a Cell PPV to challenge one of my other favourite wrestlers, Juan Bland Latino (ADR), for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Sigh… I don’t even know where to begin with this.
Raw has felt like a completely different show without Cena’s cartoonish face all over it these last few weeks. Other superstars have had the chance to shine without WWE’s omnipresent harbinger of doom smirking his way through promos and stumbling awkwardly through matches. The Daniel Bryan/Shield/Randy Orton dynamic has been great to watch and, for the first time in recent memory, a feud over the WWE Championship has been interesting – for two reasons:
- There’s a clear definition in terms of who is the babyface and who is the heel
- The feud/storyline has continued through both Raw and SmackDown – something that’s not happened for years as far as the WWE Championship is concerned
It might not seem like it from the tweets I throw out or my general demeanour on the podcasts I do, but I’ve actually been (more or less) enjoying Raw since SummerSlam because, like I said, it’s felt fresh without him there. His miraculous recovery from a torn tricep (well ahead of schedule by the way. Wonder if he had any “prescribed” help…) puts a whole shadow over EVERYTHING WWE have tried to do since he thankfully disappeared from our screens in mid-August.
First off, let’s address the elephant in the room. Cast your minds back to January. Hell, even July 2012 if you want to be picky about it. Which I do.
On the 1000th edition of Monday Night Raw, The Rock came out and announced that he’d be challenging for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble. And mostly every single bright t-shirt wearing, Fruity Pebble eating child (as well as the 35 year old virgins who fall for Cena’s own particularly potent brand of horseshit) went apoplectic with rage at the fact Rock was getting a title shot.
“How can Rock get a title shot?” “What has he done to earn it?” “He doesn’t deserve a WWE Title match”. You get the drift.
Those same people won’t say a fucking word now that WWE’s cash cow has returned, ahead of schedule, and been granted a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship at Hell in a Cell. Don’t get me wrong my hard-rocking amigos. I am, by no means, a fan of my good friend Latino Sheeeeet, but I think everyone and his dog knows that when Cena returns in just under 3 weeks. He’s winning. And he’ll win convincingly. When that happens, it’ll achieve 2 things:
- It will completely undermine all the good work WWE have done in trying to convince us that ADR is this vicious, take no prisoners, sadistic champion who stops at nothing to win
- It will also inevitably lead to Cena being WWE’s all-conquering hero. It’s almost a cast-iron guarantee, a nailed-on certainty, that Cena will be the one to vanquish the evil HHH and Stephanie, and restore WWE to the place it was before he left.
Go on. Tell me that won’t happen. And for those of who you say it won’t, you’re lying. Or kidding yourselves, one of the two.
So, if Rock didn’t “earn” his WWE Championship shot at Royal Rumble, just how in the name of Christ has Cena earned his shot at ADR? Explain that to me. Seriously. It’s EXACTLY the same situation. People bitch at the Rock for not earning a title shot, but they’ll gladly crawl up John Cena’s ass without saying a word about it. Hypocrites.
I was talking about Cena on a podcast the other week and one of the listeners tweeted in, calling me “a broken fanboy”. I’m not going to, and didn’t, dispute that. You know why I’m broken? Because we’ve not had a break from Cena in 11 goddamn years. Sure, a month or two here or there, but it’s been 11 years of having his smirking face shoved down our throats. I’ve had enough. And I know there are a lot of people out there who feel the same as me. Brace yourselves here. Controversial statement coming.
For someone like me, a fan of WRESTLING, John Cena is a cancer on this business that I once loved with all my heart, and it’s because of him that I don’t love it as much anymore.
Daniel Bryan’s rise to the top came at EXACTLY the right time. For the WWE. For fans of WRESTLING. And for the business. We needed change. Things had become stale. As great as it’s been to see what’s been happening with CM Punk and The Shield, change will never TRULY come until that smirking, goofy-faced cancer of WWE’s main-event scene goes away. For good.
We don’t need John Cena anymore. Ratings/buyrates stay the same pretty much regardless, whether he’s there or not. So what else does he do? Frustrates the life out of WRESTLING fans, that’s what he does.
So go on CeNation. Come at me with your usual “he’s such a good guy”, “he does all this charity work for Be-A-Star and Make-A-Wish”. OK, but what the hell does that have to do with WRESTLING? The one that really gets me is “he’s so brave and he’s a hero”. He’s not by the way. The men and women fighting in wars all across the world for their countries are. They’re what TRUE heroes are.
You were all keyboard warriors bitching when the Rock got a title shot that he “didn’t deserve”. Well what about John Cena? Does he deserve it cos he’s been brave and had an ouchie on his elbow? Please… Do yourselves a favour. Take a long, hard look in the mirror if you think Cena deserves it. He doesn’t. And more importantly, we don’t.