Tomorrow night, WWE brings us the first No Way Out PPV since 2009. Have I missed it? I’ve not really had the chance to, especially at the rate that WWE has been churning out PPV’s. To say that I’m disillusioned with WWE right now is a massive understatement. The quality of the shows are so poor and the storylines/outcomes are so predictable that it’s boring me now.
In Monday’s FATP, I said how pissed off I was with WWE and to prove my point, the ending to Raw was EXACTLY what I predicted it would be. Big Show knocking out Vince before he could fire Big Johnny. I’m not an expert, I’m just a fan, but I’m sick to the back teeth of watching predictable storylines and boring characters. Then, to top it all off, the Chairman of the Board, Vince McMahon, does an impression of an announcer who has a severe medical affliction, Bell’s Palsy. If he had just done the voice, then that’s OK, but no, he had to mimic the facial paralysis of Jim Ross. Classy move Vince.
He wasn’t the only one though. John Cena, who lives by the motto “Hustle, Loyalty and Respect”, as well as being one of the faces of the “Make-A-Wish Foundation” and the “Be A Star” campaign, comes out and makes fat jokes at the expense of Big Show. Now, I understand that “it’s just a storyline”, but try telling that to overweight kids that get bullied at school. Do they think it’s just a story? No, they see their hero make fun of someone who’s bigger, but at the same time, he’s telling them to “Show Tolerance and Respect”. Hyprocites, both of them.
Anyway, let’s get to previewing No Way Out before I end up ranting for the rest of the day.
Brodus Clay vs David Otunga
I don’t see why we need to review this match as it’s not on the PPV, but since I’m forced to go over it, then let’s look at it. Brodus is a beast and there’s no way that Mr Baby Oil (David Otunga) should get the pinfall. WWE made a big deal out of Brodus’ undefeated streak before his match with Big Show the other week, so when he does lose, it’ll be to a top star, not to Otunga.
Winner: Brodus Clay
Intercontinental Championship Match: Christian (c) vs Cody Rhodes
Ordinarily, this would be a candidate for match of the night, but with the other matches that are advertised, it might get overshadowed. Christian’s a solid upper card guy and Cody is on his way to the main-event, there’s no doubt about it. Smackdown has a whole raft of young superstars that Christian can work with at IC Title level, but once he’s finished working with Cody.
If WWE gives this feud some legs, maybe til Summerslam, then Christian will do what he always does: put on a series of stellar matches with a guy who the WWE views as the star of the future. Neither man needs the title, but my guess is that after a highly competitive match, Captain Charisma will get the win over Cody.
Divas Championship Match: Layla (c) vs Beth Phoenix
Layla is hot. Not just normal hot, but smoking hot. She’s probably the most attractive diva on the roster in my opinion. Does that mean she’s the best wrestler in the world? No, but she’s a hell of a lot better than most of the other women on the roster, except for Kharma, Natalya and her opponent Beth Phoenix.
My guess is that this match came about as a result of the mixed tag-team match we saw this past Monday on Raw, which pitted Santino & Layla against Ricardo Rodriguez & Beth Phoenix. Apart from that, the only Divas we’ve seen regularly on TV are Eve Torres and AJ, neither of whom are wrestling right now.
Logic would dictate that Beth should beat Layla because she’s a lot stronger and more experienced than Layla, but I don’t see WWE derailing Layla’s momentum right now. She’s only just returned from a long-term injury, so she’ll keep the belt for a while yet.
World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs Dolph Ziggler
Big Sheamo finally knows who his opponent is going to be at No Way Out. For anyone who believes that del Rio was “concussed” by two chops from Khali, then I feel sorry for you. Alberto was injured when Sheamus rattled his head off the metal sign on the stage at last week’s Smackdown taping.
For far too long, Ziggler has been overlooked by WWE. He consistently puts other talent over, despite the fact it’s hurting him in the eyes of the fans. More often than not, Ziggler has one of the best matches of the night, regardless of who it’s against and it’s time he was given a prolonged main-event run by WWE.
As far as the big Irishman is concerned, it seems like WWE is grooming him as the franchise player on Smackdown. His interaction with Vince and Big Johnny on Raw was tremendous and he even managed to get a decent match out of Tensai. This is a tough call for me. Although I’d love to see my boy Dolph pick up the win, I can see Sheamus winning, but only just.
WWE Championship Match: CM Punk (c) vs Daniel Bryan vs Kane
I love the intrigue heading into this match. It’s clear that little AJ, the tiny girl with the crazy eyes, is going to decide the fate of the WWE Title.When I heard that Kane was going to be introduced into this feud, I shuddered with despair, but he’s had some of the best matches since his return with Punk and Bryan, so it doesn’t bother me anymore.
Punk and Bryan’s in-ring promo was tremendous this week. From Question & Answer time with Daniel Bryan, to Punk calling him goat-face and saying that he loves crazy chicks, it was tremendously entertaining. Then, the star of this entire feud, AJ came out and played her part extremely well. She had this cutesy look on her face when she looked at Punk, but behind those eyes lies a witchy woman who knows where the title will end up.
My guess is that AJ will get on the apron and distract Punk. Kane will go to kick him, but Punk will duck, knocking AJ to the outside. Punk will go out to check on her, as Daniel Bryan rolls Kane up for the win.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Tuxedo Match: Santino Marella vs Ricardo Rodriguez
I really don’t care who wins this match. This shouldn’t be on PPV, at a stretch, it should be on Raw or Smackdown, but not part of an event that WWE expects thousands of fans worldwide to shell out their hard earned cash on what effectively is a vehicle to transition from the title matches to John Cena’s match.
Winner: Ricardo Rodriguez, but nobody really wins with this match
Steel Cage Match: John Cena vs Big Show
For the seventh PPV out of eight, the main-event once again features John Cena. Wow, what a surprise! I understand that he’s the face of the company, but he’s not the champion. The reason the ratings and buyrates are awful is because WWE builds no other superstar like him. Put it this way, if it was CM Punk vs Big Show, would it be the main event? No, of course it wouldn’t.
This match is a 3-for-1. WWE have given us a gimmick of a steel cage match, as well as two stipulations. If Cena loses, he gets fired. If Big Show loses, Big Johnny gets fired. Of those two stipulations, which do you think is going to happen? Me too, Cena is winning this one. The whole feud up til now has been so predictable that it’s just got to the point now where I don’t enjoy watching WWE. I’ll enjoy it even less when Cena beats Big Show.
Winner: John Cena
Just to get it out in the open, my picks for No Way Out are: <b>Brodus Clay, Christian, Layla, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, Ricardo Rodriguez and John Cena</b>. Incase you missed it, they’re looking for new columnists over on NoDQ.com. Check out this link if you’re interested. I’ll be back on Monday with the latest FATP, filled with plugs, cynicism and everything in between. Until then, thanks for reading.