It’s WrestleMania week! Is everyone excited? It’s the time of year where we’re supposed to be excited about the showcase of the immortals, but I’m just not feeling it this year. Is it just me? I dunno. Thanks to those of you who read last week’s FATP comeback column about the state of WWE’s mid-card scene. I appreciate the feedback, good and bad! But that was last week. This week, I’m going to dish out my predictions for WWE’s showpiece PPV. I know I don’t normally post these, but it’s a big week in the wrestling world so I figured why not? Without any further ado, let’s get to it.
Pre-show WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Wade Barrett (c) vs The Miz
Love the work of these guys, but can’t figure out why this has been pushed to the pre-show instead of the Clay-Train/Rhodes Scholars match. Barrett and Miz are so far above the IC title it’s not true. They’re upper mid-card at worst and shouldn’t be wasting their time on this pre-show nonsense IMO. Regardless of who wins, I’ll be happy ‘cos like I said I’m a fan of both guys, but I’ll go with Wade Barrett to retain.
My Pick: Wade Barrett
Brodus Clay, Tensai, Cameron and Naomi vs. Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow and The Bella Twins
I literally have no interest in Brodus Clay, Tensai, Cameron or Naomi. Seriously. They need to get the funk off this card. It’s meant to be WrestleMania for funk’s sake. Cody and Damien had me literally howling with laughter the other week when they parodied the New Age Outlaws. That’s what they should be doing. Not working with these 2 jokers. As for the Bellas? They’re nice to look at. They can’t pull Twin Magic any more. One of them is slightly more developed in the chest than the other! Rhodes Scholars & The Bellas have to win this. For my sanity if nothing else.
My Pick: Rhodes Scholars & The Bellas
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kane/Daniel Bryan (c) vs Dolph Ziggler/Big E Langston
For me, the World Heavyweight Championship match at Mania should be Ziggler defending against Bryan. They’re two of the top three full-time performers in WWE. Period. They’d put on one hell of a match too! But this is WWE. Anyway, I don’t see any value in Dolph Ziggler holding the Tag-Team Championships with Big E – a man who looks like Carlton Banks from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on ‘roids. Ziggler and Bryan are better than this. Hopefully Kane and Daniel Bryan retain.
My Pick: Kane and Daniel Bryan
Sheamus, Big Show and Randy Orton vs The Shield
Loving the work of The Shield. The hounds of justice. The way they’ve been introduced has been excellent. I just hope it continues. I genuinely couldn’t care less about Sheamus, Big Show or Randy Orton. Orton hasn’t been relevant for 18 months now. When was the last time he had an amazing match? Nope. Didn’t think you could answer that. For the future of the WWE, The Shield need to win this one.
My Pick: The Shield
Ryback vs Mark Henry
As much as I said I didn’t care about the 8-person tag-match, I care even less about this. Ryback makes me snore, and Mark Henry should just be destroying folk whenever the hell he wants. The only thing that I’m happy about here is that we’ll get a longer burst of big Miz-ark’s theme tune. It’s the best one in WWE. Somebody ‘gon get they ass kicked… Somebody ‘gon get they wig split. Just awesome. WWE will probably put Ryback over here, so I’ll pick him.
My Pick: Ryback
Fandango vs Chris Jericho
Yet again, when WWE need someone to put over a younger star, they turn to Chris Jericho. They’d be f**ked without him. You know why I care more about this match than about 80% of the card? Because of Chris Jericho. He makes you care about it. It’ll be a great wrestling match. One side note – all the morons chanting “you can’t wrestle” at Fahn… Dahn… Gho need to get a grip. Yes the gimmick is shit, but the dude – Johnny Curtis – can wrestle. Let’s see some of those fans chanting that get up off their fat arses and try to do it. Some fans are just morons. Honestly. On a wee side note, I’ll be severely disappointed if the Scottish fans don’t take the chance to chant “You’re a Fan-Dan” at Curtis when he comes to Glasgow on the WrestleMania revenge tour in a couple of weeks! Haha… Anyway, I’d be very surprised if Jericho wins this one. Fahn… Dahn… Gho… for the win!
My Pick: Fandango
World Heavyweight Championship Match: Alberto del Rio (c) vs Jack Swagger
There’s no way this should be the World Title match. Del Rio’s gimmick is no better than Fandango’s, yet Berty is World Champion?! Go figure! The heat that Swagger and Zeb Coulter are drawing is tremendous. It’s cheap, but it’s tremendous. This could honestly go either way, but I’ll go with Alberto del Rio retaining.
My Pick: Alberto del Rio
The Undertaker vs CM Punk
This will be match of the night. By far. Taker only wrestles once a year and he brings it. Punk brings it 365 days a year! Even the genius of CM Punk can’t persuade me to buy WrestleMania. It’ll be the first time in 15 years I’ve not bought it. I’ve loved the build to the match and I can’t wait to find out what happens. If, and this is a big if, Undertaker wants the streak to end, there’s no better man to end it than Punk. He’s the present, and future, of the company, and the only one who could handle having that hang over him for the rest of his career. If WWE management truly believe in Punk, and Undertaker wants it to happen, they should have him end the streak. Otherwise, it’s the worst business decision they could ever make.
My Pick: CM Punk
No Holds Barred Match with Triple H’s Career on the Line: Brock Lesnar vs Triple H (Shawn Michaels will be in Triple H’s corner)
This match was butt-f**k ugly at SummerSlam and the only reason this will be any better is because Shawn Michaels is involved. Remember last year’s Mania? Shawn sold the Hell in a Cell match just as much with his facial expressions as Taker and HHH did with their physicality. It’ll be the same here. If anyone thinks HHH is retiring, you’re a moron. It’s obvious HHH is winning this, even though it’s completely the wrong decision. As soon as Paul Heyman announced the stipulation, I knew HHH would win.
My Pick: HHH
WWE Championship Match: John Cena vs The Rock
Are you a Cena-Crat or a Rock-Publican? How about option C? I’m in the %age of the crowd who couldn’t give a f**k. Let’s get this straight right now. Cena ain’t turning heel. It’s never going to happen. Mainly cos there’s not another full-time babyface on his level to go up against him. As for The Rock? Don’t get me wrong. I’m one of the millions… AND MILLIONS… but he shouldn’t be champ. No way a part-timer should be champion, regardless of who it is. As for the outcome, I’d actually prefer it if Rock won, but I can see Cena “getting redemption” and subjecting us to at least 6 months of shitty promos and matches. Yawn…
My Pick: John Cena
There we have it. My picks for WrestleMania 29 are Wade Barrett, Rhodes Scholars & The Bellas, Kane & Daniel Bryan, The Shield, Ryback, Fandango, Alberto del Rio, CM Punk, HHH and John Cena. What about you guys? As usual, comment below and feel free to tweet me @george_sltd with any comments, feedback or ideas for future columns. Thanks for reading.