Geddy Cahoon – WWE WrestleMania 29 Predictions w/ Friends



wrestlemania29

Hey everybody, what’s up? Geddy Cahoon here with a requisite WrestleMania 29 article. With the show quickly approaching, earlier this week I reached out to some of my colleagues from WrestlingRegime.com and we teamed up to bring you our predictions for the WrestleMania 29 card.

In this article you’ll hear predictions from 5 distinct voices – Myself, and WrestlingRegime.com’s Adam Behan, Tom Cuthbertson, The Big Dangerous and resident snark Artful Dodger. Each one of us will be offering our own unique take on who’s going over on the grandest stage of them all. So sit back, relax and take a gander at WrestlingRegime.com’s WrestleMania 29 predictions!


Pre-Show: Wade Barrett (c) vs. Miz for the INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Geddy: I can’t believe that this match has been relegated to the pre-show when Rhodes Scholars vs. Tons of Funk is going to be on the actual WrestleMania card. That’s appalling. This pre-show is going to be about an hour long, but I still predict this match only getting about 10 minutes MAX, which is a bummer because these are two talented guys that deserve to be on the actual card in lengthier matches. Wade Barrett looked like a fucking idiot the only other time he ever appeared at ‘Mania. While his showing here is sure to be better, it’s still not what the big British Brawler deserves.

I predict that the match will be okay, and I’m totally not pulling for a Barrett victory. He’s an awful IC champ through no fault of his own, and I think the title is more of a detriment than an asset at this point. I’d rather have shitty ass terrible good guy Miz be saddled with the white-leather-ed irrelevance machine, and let Barrett move back into the limelight where he belongs. Plus as much as I hate Miz’s current character, I’d like his not-often brought up WrestleMania undefeated streak to continue.
Geddy’s Pick: The Miz

The Big Dangerous: WWE likes to do title changes on preshows, likely to fire up the audience for the rest of the show. I don’t see this being much different. The Miz has been hyping this match quite a bit, he has all but come right out and said “Tune in, as there will be a title change.” WWE has been pushing his (Inverted most of the time) figure four quite a bit. Hopefully, assuming Barrett drops the title, he will move onward and upward, but that may be wishful thinking.
TBD’s Pick: The Miz

Adam: Don’t really even want to talk about this, so Miz to win the Intercontinental Championship with a Figure 4 because the IC title means something….
Adam’s Pick: The Miz

Artful Dodger: Dead Man Down was a better movie….. So Barrett.
Dodger’s Pick: Wade Barrett

Tom: I’m a huge fan of Barrett’s, with him representing the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and all, but I’m going with the Miz on three counts. Firstly, aside from ‘being in’ a movie and having a fun Triple Threat title defense on Raw, he hasn’t done so much with the title that he absolutely has to keep it. Secondly, not counting the pre-show of Wrestlemania XXV, Miz has a nice little Wrestlemania streak developing, and that’s something they might want to keep going. Thirdly, and this is probably entirely too hopeful, but perhaps dropping the Intercontinental Championship will free Barrett up to move onto bigger and better things, perhaps a MITB briefcase or a feud with an unoccupied main-eventer.
Tom’s Pick: The Miz


Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins vs. Tons of Funk

Geddy: I assume this match will open the show and that hurts me. The match is already enough of a bummer with mah boys Cody Rhodes and Sandow being forced to do the job on the grandest stage of them all to two men in their 30′s who dance around. BUT HEY THE LITTLE KIDS LIKE THEM SO FUCK YOU, DAMIEN SANDOW FANS. This match is rumored to be getting a laughably small amount of time, but don’t worry. It’ll still be enough time for my two favorite wrestlers to look like complete and utter jackasses while little kids cheer and everyone wonders why the Rhodes Scholars aren’t facing Team Hell No. Cody Rhodes gets fucked in the ass year after year by management and it’s maddening. These two should both be holding midcard belts or AT LEAST the tag belts. Not getting flattened by a dancing Dinosaur and his faux-asian partner in crime.
Geddy’s Pick: Tons of Funk

The Big Dangerous: The logical pick here is the returning Bellas to pull some Twin Magic for the cheap win to gain extra heat and for Team Rhodes Scholars to gain some much needed momentum. That’s why my pick will be Brodus Clay, Iced T, & The Funkadactyls to win and have a dancy dance after the match. Hell, we may even see Iced T’s grandmother this year.
TBD’s Pick: Tons of Funk

Adam: Appalling match to put on at Wrestlemania. Clay’s team wins with Naomi probably getting the fall.
Adam’s Pick: Tons of Funk

Artful Dodger: I’m more attracted to the Funkadactyls, and I’m still holding out hope for Brodus to become the monster he’s meant to be. A win for them can be the first step in my master plan
Dodger’s Pick: Tons of Funk

Tom: I think I speak for everyone when I nominate this match for the one I care least about. Which is a shame, because the fantastic Damien Sandow is in it. There’s nothing really at stake here – it’s the guys who shuck and jive vs the guys with potential – so I’m just going to be hopeful and go with Team Rhodes Scholars.
Tom’s Pick: Team Rhodes Scholars


Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

Geddy: I was originally very violently anti-Fandango. The gimmick bugged me a bit, and I thought he was just wasting time on RAW. Then I remembered that Johnny Curtis is actually a decent wrestler, and though the gimmick could be better, it’s definitely not the absolute, colossal bomb that I predicted. It peeves me a little bit that Fandango has a real match at WrestleMania plus an actual feud while Sandow wastes away underneath Brodus Clay, but I’m not gonna get mad at good wrestling. I’m sure this will be a fairly decent match, and we can hopefully see some more of Fandango’s talents. If anything other than Fandango winning clean happens though, it’ll have been a colossal waste of time.
Geddy’s Pick: FAN… DAN… GOOOOOOOOOO

The Big Dangerous: Fandango, yet another talent WWE seems focused on pushing, is facing a guy that is known for putting younger talent over. Yes, Jericho can put him over by making him look strong yet still defeating him, I just have a hunch Fandango pulls it off.
TBD’s Pick: Fandango

Adam: Here we go with the hardest match to work out. I do not like the Fandango gimmick. That much is clear. We know he can wrestle, and I have seen NXT to prove it as well. However a debut at Mania against Jericho? A sick joke by WWE? Or an elaborate push real quick? Either way Fandango may be in trouble. Jericho will either squash Fandango or put him over barely. I see Jericho winning on the big stage with Curtis putting on a show that makes him a believable competitor against a top dog such as Jericho. That way Fandango benefits in the best way to all.
Adam’s Pick: Chris Jericho

Artful Dodger: As long as he let’s the A’s breathe, Fandango.
Dodger’s Pick: Fandango

Tom: I don’t know why, but WWE seems to have a lot of faith in this gimmick. Why else would the same man with the same wrestling and promo ability fail to break out of NXT with one gimmick, yet have his first match with another at Wrestlemania? Again, it’s a case of the newcomer with everything to gain vs the veteran with nothing to lose. As much as I want the gimmick to Fandangoaway, or at least get Fandantoneddown, he’s my pick.
Tom’s Pick: Fandango


Team Hell No (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston for the WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS

Geddy: I’m really torn over this match. On one hand, I’ve been fairly sick of Team Hell No for a while. I’ve been pulling for PTP to win the tag belts for the longest time. On the other hand, I’ve grown accustomed to Team Hell No, and I would be sad to see them split up. And I’d really prefer that they lose the belts to an actual team, not some dude and his bodyguard. But it seems as though WWE is desperate to both break Hell No up, give Dolph Ziggler some kind of perceived relevance since he’s done fuck all with the MiTB briefcase, and also to convince us that the man with the stupidest haircut in wrestling history and the most butt-crack riding singlet of all time is an unstoppable monster. Allegiance to Hell No and other issues with the match aside, I do like Ziggler and Big E. and I think it’s their time.
Geddy’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston

The Big Dangerous: Like others, I expected Team Hell No’s implosion at Elimination Chamber after their interactions at Royal Rumble, and them to have a match at WrestleMania. I fully expect it to happen now. This, coupled with the feeling that Ziggler is poised for a big run with both titles (Summer of Ziggler – So hot it Ziggles?) just points to Dolph and Big E. taking the titles.
TBD’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston

Adam: I believe that Ziggler will be cashing in on Del Rio. Thus to downplay that win coming up later on, Ziggler will be losing here with Langston taking the fall. Langston is a waste anyway. “Ahmed Johnson… Ahmed Johnson”. Tag division once again is on the wain with no decent teams to take the top spot.
Adam’s Pick: Team Hell No

Artful Dodger: Ziggy and Bobby Lashley 2.0 get the win here.
Dodger’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston

Tom: A somewhat easier pick for me. It’s been fun, but Team Hell No seem to have run their course, and I’m surprised they didn’t implode back in February to set up a Bryan vs Kane match. With Ziggler on the verge of becoming World Heavyweight Champion, and Langston competing in his first match for the main roster, both men have far more to gain from a victory here.
Tom’s Pick: DolphZiggler and Big E. Langston


Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Geddy: I’m pretty ambivalent towards this match. I’m not super duper opposed to it or anything – I’m just not super excited for it either. I think it’ll be entertaining for what it is, and if Ryback is able to pick Henry up (Though that is somewhat doubtful) it’ll be a certifiably amazing WrestleMania moment. I’d say there’s no way that Ryback doesn’t go over here. Even if he’s not involved in the main event anymore, WWE’s not interested in making one of their future top stars look weak. As much as I love Henry, he’s in the twilight of his career after an inexplicably amazing World Title run two years back. He should be used for putting over young dudes at this point.
Geddy’s Pick: Ryback

The Big Dangerous: Another sort of passing of the torch. Henry is already cemented in that upper mid card/main event slot, where he can get a minor push and can challenge for a title. Ryback, on the other hand, is in danger of falling way back down the card. He hasn’t had a ton of direction since his near Rumble win, and I see this victory as a way for him to get back on track as a true monster.
TBD’s Pick: Ryback

Adam: As odd as it sounds, this match has everything going for it in my opinion. You have a returning monster Heel in Mark Henry, taking on the young stud in Ryback. Ryback started hot but lately his trail has become cold. Mark Henry has warmed this trail back up and provided Ryback with some interest again. I believe that Ryback is a failure in the regard that people do not cheer him until he starts to cheer himself on. Any bozo can cheer something catchy. I think it I am going to go a “roughie” here and pick Mark Henry as the winner because Ryback-mania is about to be buried at Wrestlemania. Another reason for choosing Henry is that more Heels needed to win in my opinion.
Adam’s Pick: Mark Henry

Artful Dodger: Ryback always wants to be fed more… So why not 400 pounds of Sexual Chocolate?
Dodger’s Pick: Ryback

Tom: For me, this is without a doubt the most even match on the card. Two legitimately massive dudes that can hang around the main event scene, with not a thing at stake apart from which guy is better. I know it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m more psyched for this match than anything else on undercard. It’s really a 50/50 pick, but I’m going with the younger, babyface, more-recently-competed-for-world-championships, Ryback.
Tom’s Pick: Ryback


The Shield vs. Randy Orton, Sheamus and Big Show

Geddy: I’m actually really enjoying this feud. Obviously The Shield is always amazing, and I love Big Show. I also love Sheamus when he just shuts up and wrestles, and while I strongly dislike Orton I think he’s capable of having good matches with talented opponents, which Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns obviously are. I really like the story behind it of the heel Big Show banding together with Sheamus and Orton – I love “Enemy of my enemy is my friend” type stories. It’s also hysterical that Randy Orton of all people is the voice of reason. The Shield has been booked stronger and more effectively than any stable in recent memory. WWE would be stupid to kill them here, and I don’t see it happening. The Shield will go over here after a decent match. Maybe after this my beloved fantasy of a Paul Heyman-led stable featuring The Shield, Punk and Lesnar can become a reality. There’s nowhere for The Shield to go but up, and a win here will only solidify their dominance.
Geddy’s Pick: The Shield

The Big Dangerous: Another talent WWE seems intent in establishing as a dominant force is The Shield. I feel that at WrestleMania, they will continue to do so. Team Super Face (+Show) won’t lose won’t lose anything by losing, but The Shield will gain tons by winning. They will continue to establish themselves as they grab the W in a semi-dominant fashion.
TBD’s Pick: The Shield

Adam: I reported months ago that Orton was turning Heel in a big way to satisfy his contractual status. It must happen here at Wrestlemania 29. Big Show turning Face (for the umpteenth time) has gotten us that extra Face that Orton can feud with and look a better heel in comparison to. The Shield’s gimmick will prevail for a lot longer, or until Cena decides he wants to cripple another successful stable. The Shield benefits alongside Randy Orton turning, meaning we should all believe in The Shield.
Adam’s Pick: The Shield

Artful Dodger: After interference from Nick Fury and the Helicarrier, The Shield.
Dodger’s Pick: The Shield

Tom: I believe I’m almost to the point of becoming the Shield’s bitch. Leading up to TLC, I completely wrote them off as just a one-time way of letting Punk retain his championship, whose vague concept of ‘justice’ didn’t make any sense. I didn’t predict them to win at TLC, or Elimination Chamber, or even the Raw after Elimination Chamber. Every time, not only did they win, but they looked incredible doing it. Now, my good sense still tells me to go to with the super-face team, because where better for them to finally get beat except Wrestlemania? However, I’m given to understand there’s rumblings of either Orton or Show turning heel on this team. Because of this, as well as the fact that the Shield have already proved me dead wrong every time before, I am going to pick them as the victors of this match. I think I’m going to regret it, but there you are.
Tom’s Pick: The Shield


Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Jack Swagger for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Geddy: All I can really say is wow. Who’da thunk that in 2013, Jack Swagger would be the hottest act in WWE and a legitimate contender for the belt that killed his career way back in 2010? Certainly not me, Swagger’s self-professed biggest fan. I love the big blonde dude, and I was ecstatic when he returned with the amazing Zeb Colter and debuted the most offensive gimmick in modern-day WWE. All of that nonsense with the DUI happened and I was upset, but I’ve moved past it. I was pissed that Swagger was seemingly willing to mortgage his gigantic push, but I can separate the character from the actor, so to speak. When WWE didn’t immediately take Swagger out of this match, I was surprised. It seems as though his push is poised to continue for the foreseeable future. Which is why I don’t think he’ll win the title here.

I love Del Rio. I’ve loved him since he debuted, and while he may have been painfully boring as a heel, I’ve always dug him. He’s great as a face, and WWE wants him to be there next big Latino star. So for the foreseeable future, the WHC picture is all about ADR. I’m not opposed to that, as it allows the feud with Swagger to continue and as long as Del Rio holds onto the belt, opens up a the possibility of a Ziggler cash-in once they feel they’ve established Del Rio. This is sure to be a good match, great even, and as much as I’d love to see Jack Swagger as World Champ with a successful character, but I don’t think WWE or me for that matter is ready for Del Rio to lose the belt. Plus there’s always the off chance that WWE will punish Swagger once ‘Mania is over. So there’s that.
Geddy’s Pick: Alberto Del Rio

The Big Dangerous: This match can easily go either way. It seems that WWE is intent on pushing Swagger, so it is very possible he can pull off the win. That said, though, it also appeared as if they were intent on pushing Alberto Del Rio when he won the Royal Rumble, and we all know how that ended. Additionally, if they want to do a Ziggler cash in, which I don’t think is out of the question, as I feel Ziggler is ready for a major run soon and there has never been a cash in at WrestleMania, then it would make sense that ADR gets the win to garner more heat for Ziggler. All of this accounted for, I am going with my (ample) gut feel and am taking Swagger to become a two time World Champion
TBD’s Pick: Jack Swagger

Adam: As I said earlier, Del Rio retains and gets cashed in on by Ziggler. Only route WWE has to take.
Adam’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler

Artful Dodger: Jack Thwagger gets the win here.
Dodger’s Pick: Jack Swagger

Tom: Another even match, for the weird reason that Alberto Del Rio has been booked slightly poorly as a world champion, and Jack Swagger has been booked slightly brilliantly as a world championship contender. I wouldn’t be surprised with either outcome, but there’s two things that make me lean towards Del Rio. One, I’m pretty sure that Dolph Ziggler is going to cash in his MITB briefcase at Wrestlemania so they can have another first, which would draw more heat if Alberto was champion. Two, there was the whole controversy with Glenn Beck a few weeks and then later the thing with Swagger being arrested for a DUI or something. While the controversy to the angle could actually be the key to success, the DUI is still sort of a push killer. ADR will retain.
Tom’s Pick: Alberto Del Rio


HHH (with Shawn Michaels) vs. Brock Lesnar for HHH’S CAREER

Geddy: I’m actually REALLY excited for this match, for the sole reason that it’s sure to be a bloodbath, plain and simple. I love Brock Lesnar. Love, love, LOVE him. He’s the most believably scary and dominant character in WWE. There’s not a thing in wrestling today that brings me as much joy as Brock Lesnar either beating the shit out of somebody or getting the shit beat out of him, because even when he got his ass kicked by HHH he looked amazingly badass. This is sure to be a great match if they just let these two BRAWL. Let them beat the shit out of each other for 25 minutes. It’ll be amazing. The addition of Shawn Michaels seems like overkill, but I said that preemptively about HHH/Taker last year and Michaels only enhanced that match.

Since this is No Holds Barred, Michaels could easily get involved and make it more of a handicap match. The only not so amazing part is that HHH will likely win here. They fought before and Lesnar won, so what better place for HHH to gain retribution than on the Grandest Stage of Them All? As a Lesnar mark this bums me out. I mean, there’s always the possibility of a Lesnar win, thus setting up a 3rd match at a later PPV where HHH finally does defeat the beast, but that wouldn’t make a ton of sense and it would be kind of lame. Especially since if this match is the bloody spectacle I’m hoping it’ll be, there’s no way a 3rd match could top it. It’s a bummer to see Lesnar get his ass handed to him over and over by WWE’s top dudes, but that outcome seems inevitable and as long as this match is badass I guess I’m fine with it. Oh, it’s also batshit retarded that HHH came out of retirement for a retirement match. But what the fuck do I know?
Geddy’s Pick: HHH

The Big Dangerous: While I agree with most in that HHH still has a few matches left, and that he will retire at WM XXX, I still feel he will lose. Lesnar, and more so Heyman and possibly CM Punk, can be more of a permanent figure, and would benefit more from the win. That said, I do feel that HHH will somehow sneak his way back into active duty. Look for HBK to be involved in this match, whether it benefits HHH or hinders him.
TBD’s Pick: Brock Lesnar

Adam: This one is tricky. Is Triple H giving away his wrestling career to Brock Lesnar? I am not sure. Triple H is, let’s be honest, a narcissist with the power backstage to do what he wants. Very similar to the streak, Triple H’s career looks in dire straights against the beast Brock Lesnar. Sadly, Triple H I believe will not lose at WrestlemMania in this way to Brock Lesnar. If anything, he will retire himself on Raw the very next night in a big way that defeats the purpose of this match. Lesnar is at WWE for another year anyway, why convince him to stay?
Adam’s Pick: HHH

Artful Dodger: Could not care less… So Paul Heyman pins them both with a 450 splash.
Dodger’s Pick: Paul Heyman

Tom: Again, not the most straightforward pick on the card. There’s the same thing going on here as there is for Undertaker, where if Triple H loses, we’ll never see him wrestle again, but it’s not much of a loss because he’s down to maybe 2 matches a year. Lesnar has been booked like such a beast in the last year, and obviously he has the Summerslam victory over Triple H, so there’s no question to his credibility, but this win could still do wonders for him. Perhaps it’s also worth noting that both Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels had their final matches at Wrestlemania. Ultimately, I think I’m going to lean (and it’s a subtle lean) towards Triple H getting his revenge, for the simple reason that I think his final match will and should be at Wrestlemania XXX, not XXIX.
Tom’s Pick: HHH


CM Punk vs. The Undertaker

Geddy: Here’s the match that SHOULD be headlining ‘Mania. In four weeks, Punk and ‘Taker have told a more convincing, enthralling and engaging story than Rock and Cena have told in two years. That’s because Punk and Undertaker are the greatest in-ring performers in WWE history. This feud is amazing, and it’s so offensive and tasteless that it’s even gotten segments of the IWC to turn on their beloved CM Punk. I don’t think it’s ever possible to go “too far” when telling stories, so I love how weighty and awesome and real all of this is. CM Punk is a belligerent, borderline sociopathic, narcissistic, respect-obsessed asshole who will stop at nothing to FORCE the fans and everyone around him to respect him. Undertaker is… Well, Undertaker. Who’s more respected than the Deadman? It’s going to be an amazing clash and while it may not top HHH/Taker from last year (Because seriously, greatest match of all time) it’s sure to deliver heart-stopping thrills and in-ring brilliance. And I totally want CM Punk to win. Punk has, in the past two years, solidified his well-deserved place among the WWE’s Elite. He will be remembered for decades as the greatest wrestler of the modern era, and maybe even the greatest villain in wrestling history. Who better to take away the most hallowed prize in pro wrestling than it’s greatest villain?

If Punk were to pull this off, it would be the greatest WrestleMania moment EVER. Nothing that’s come before it would top it, and anything that comes after would sure as hell have a difficult time. It’s funny because even though Punk is the deplorable villain, he’s still the underdog in my head, stacked against impossible odds. Let the greatest villain in wrestling history claim his throne, and defeat the Undertaker to an ear-shattering chorus of boos. It may be occurring at the “mid-way point” of the show. And there’s no chance in hell that Punk is ACTUALLY going to win. But I’ll be rooting for him the whole time. If he wins you bet your ass I’ll fucking cry manly tears. In my head this is the main event. And streaks are meant to be broken.
Geddy’s Pick: CM Punk

The Big Dangerous: It is my belief that The Streak’s sole purpose to be broken. The only issue has been finding the right guy to do so. Enter CM Punk, a man coming off a WWE Title reign of longer than a year, but, more importantly, an established main eventer in the prime of his career. This means he actually has something to gain from toppling Taker, unlike the previous four years. Granted, the two opponents before HHH and HBK were in somewhat the same position, but Undertaker was still capable of performing more often. Now, in the twilight of his career, this will be the passing of not a torch, but a bonfire. CM Punk is a fantastic heel – He will get back on track after two consecutive PPV losses to Rock and a high profile loss to Cena on Monday night. He can and will run with this victory for the rest of his career.
TBD’s Pick: CM Punk

Adam: The biggest match once again at Wrestlemania is provided by The Undertaker. This time around he has the best in the world to follow up with. This match has all the potential to be a thriller and a heart stopper in many different ways. I assume the telling factor of this match is how injured CM Punk really is. We know Taker can do one match a year, however Punk was the go-to man all of last year and took a drubbing. The Streak will not die just yet, and CM Punk becomes number 21 because Taker will never put that man over.
Adam’s Pick: The Undertaker

Artful Dodger: My mind’s tellin me no, but my heart’s tellin’ me Punk.
Dodger’s Pick: CM Punk

Tom: Now granted, only six Wrestlemanias have passed since I started watching wrestling, but in all that time I’ve never seen a bigger challenge to the streak than CM Punk. The last two years for this guy have been simply outstanding. Looking back at the Summer of Punk in 2011, the 434 day WWE Championship reign etc, Punk has already made accomplishments arguably equal to beating the 20-0 streak. Still, this match isn’t a straightforward prediction. They could credibly have Punk break the streak, but then there’s the argument that he’s on fire anyway, and he doesn’t really need it.

As far as the Undertaker is concerned, if he loses the Wrestlemania streak, there’s no point in ever seeing him wrestle again, really. But then again, even working one night a year, you can count the number of matches he has left in him on one hand. It’s a tough one, but ultimately, because a streak of the magnitude is never going to happen again, and because it’s not really worth mentioning years from now if it does get broken, I’m going with the default setting and picking the Undertaker to win.
Tom’s Pick: The Undertaker

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The Rock (c) vs. John Cena for the WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

Geddy: Did you feel the passion that I have for CM Punk oozing out in that previous prediction of his match with Taker? I have none of that for this match. For me this one isn’t going to be emotional. It’s not about solidification of a deserved star. It’s about finally putting the Rock and his fucking fans in their place. I’m practically foaming at the mouth waiting for the Rock to get pinned 1 2 3 here, because I’m evil. I want kids to cry. I want grown men to boo. I want the Rock and his fucking shitty promos and his lackluster in-ring abilities and his mediocre movies and his legions of poser dipshit awful fans to FALL. I was livid when Rock beat Cena last year. I was devastated when he beat Punk in January. I’ve always been a big fan of Cena as lame as he gets because without him I wouldn’t be a wrestling fan.

I cannot wait for him to finally drop the fucking Rock like a bad habit. My dream way for this match to progress would be Cena beating the ever-loving shit out of the Rock for 25 minutes and then pinning him with his foot on his chest. I hate the fucking Rock, and I will laugh maniacally when he finally gets this much deserved loss on the Grandest Stage of Them All. I want WWE and the fans to stop pretending that he’s this amazing wrestler that has been kind enough to grace us with his presence. I’m sick of him bringing down the value of the belt by not being on TV every week. It’s time for the Rock to lose. This match probably won’t even be that great; that’s okay. I don’t care if they drop elbows on each other for 3 minutes and then Cena rolls him up. I don’t care about the proposed Cena heel turn or any of that nonsense. All I care about is the Rock losing. And it’s gonna fucking happen.
Geddy’s Pick: John Cena

The Big Dangerous: John Cena just makes sense here. Rock has to return the job from last year. We need the WWE Title back on Raw regularly. Cena is poised for a lengthy title run. We (should) have all seen this coming since Rock stated he was challenging for the WWE Title at Royal Rumble. This all said, it feels weird to consider The Rock a transitional champion.
TBD’s Pick: John Cena

Adam: The match that no one has been awaiting for. A poorly planned WWE title match with a champion that is never there, taking on the competitor that is least needy of another title reign ever. Their last bout was woeful and anti climatic. Rumors speculate that Cena may be turning heel here and doing the Austin from WM 17. Please. Fairytale ending with Cena finally winning the “Big One” albeit for the seventh time at a Mania. Rocky goes back to movies and the champ is back here.
Adam’s Pick: John Cena

Artful Dodger: (Geddy: Evidently and quite humorously, Dodger didn’t give enough of a shit about this match to write ANY kind of prediction regarding it. He simply wrote “Cena”.)
Dodger’s Pick: John Cena

Tom: This main event is considerably easier to predict than last year, and I think most of the evidence points to Cena winning. Hell, it’s in the tagline: Redemption. They’ve built it around the point that Cena really does have to win. Besides that, I don’t think Rock’s WWE Championship has much business going past Wrestlemania, unless he’s going to hold it until Summerslam, which almost certainly isn’t going to happen with his movie schedule and all. Plus, tying the score makes a rubber match at Wrestlemania XXX seem more valid, if that’s something they wanted to do. Further, for those talking about a Cena loss and subsequent heel turn, I’m not falling for that again. Going with a Cena victory here.
Tom’s Pick: John Cena

Here a few bonus questions for teh readerz:

If You Could Add One Match to the Card, What Would it Be?

SOMETHING WITH CESARO. Jesus christ. Why is the US Champ not on the fucking ‘Mania card? Put he and Barrett on a tag team. Have them face off against two dudes. If the dudes win, they win Barrett and Cesaro’s belts. It’s fucking simple. There’s no reason someone with Cesaro’s talent should be in the position he’s in.

For that matter, I’d also change Tons of Funk v. Rhodes Scholars to 3MB v. Tons of Funk. I’d rather Sandow not be at ‘Mania than feed him to the funkasauras…es.

What Match Will Steal the Show?

It’s already stolen the show in my mind, so Punk/Taker. Anything with the capacity to make me weep tears of joy is sure to be a delight.

Will This Show Top Last Year’s ‘Mania?

I think it has the capacity to. Other than HHH/Taker and Punk/Jericho, last year’s ‘Mania wasn’t all that great. Since there’s sure to be no “Daniel Bryan incident” this year, and the card looks pretty darn strong, I’d say 29 is gonna knock 28 out of the park.

Well that’s it for the predictions! WrestleMania is tomorrow. Be sure to check out WrestlingRegime.com for all your wrasslin’ related needs, especially Tomas Fyrehart’s Ring of Fyre video series.

Make sure to post your opinions, comments, thoughts, opinions and feedback below! Friend me on Facebook (Geddy Cahoon QWN) or shoot me an email (hahahahawhy@Yahoo.com) to talk about articles, wrestling, or anything really. I’m an open dude.

Enjoy WrestleMania, and until next time (Whenever that may be), thanks for reading!



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