Raw Review – November 22, 2010
-So tonight will perfectly illustrate why no one gives a shit about WWE’s stipulations anymore. John Cena has been “fired” but my sources tell me that Wade Barrett will keep him around in order to “get his hands on him.” Well, what sense does that make? The biggest thing you can do to John Cena is fire him so you’re going to KEEP HIM AROUND? How in hell can a heel justify those stupid actions? NO ONE is buying that John Cena is gone and I GUARANTEE you see him on tonight’s show. Survivor Series is supposed to be one of the Big Four PPVs from this promotion and they put on a lame show that screws over the paying customer by NOY paying off the stipuation. This is exactly why buyrates are in the toilet and the only people buying these storylines are 9 year old kids.
-Oh, but “Never give up! Never give up!” What a joke. Jim Cornette might just drop dead so he can spin in his grave.
-LIVE! from Orlando, FL (but that’s TNA country, BROTHER!)
-Nexus hits the ring first (drawing good heat) and Wade Barrett is pissed because John Cena was biased and that’s so not fair, man. Barrett wants another shot at Orton and the Mystery GM agrees, booking the match tonight…in that very ring. He then flushes all good will down the toilet and fulfills my prediction by saying John Cena is here to deliver a “farewell address”…this is such stupid booking.
-Promo for the King of the Ring tournament, the latest thing they’ve dragged out of the mothballs and prayed it’s still over….it’s not.
-Michael Cole earns a few points from me by introducing CM Punk as the newest member of the Raw announce team courtesy of his latest injury…I’m fine with that.
King of the Ring Qualifier
Sheamus vs. R-Truth
Looks like they have already abandoned that stupid “Get Crunk” song that inspired so many people to claw their ears off their heads. Sheamus attacks because Irish people hate rap music and he works a headlock to really amp up the crowd. Truth gets out and proves he can do a flip to avoid Sheamus, causing the ginger much frustration and guess what? WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
We return with Sheamus getting a kneelift for two and he works a goofy hammerlock that doesn’t look convincing at all before wrenching the arm for two. CM Punk’s commentary is more entertaining than this match…then again, your mom’s ass is more entertaining than this match. Truth mounts his comeback with clotheslines and a hip toss for two. Missile dropkick wakes the crowd up a bit but it only gets two. Sheamus sits down on a victory roll attempt for two and hits the pump kick but wants to do more damage so he adds a Razor’s Edge for the pin.
-Well, the right guy went over but the match was pretty boring *.
-Promo for the fired John Cena’s new DVD….but how will he promote it while he’s in TNA?
-Meanwhile, LayCool can’t get into the building and throws a hissy fit. SMELL THE RATINGS!
-Still meanwhile, Santino is depressed about losing the tag title match but Tamina kisses him to cheer him up…I fail to see the point in all this.
King of the Ring Qualifier
Ezekiel Jackson vs. The Miz
But wait, wait, wait…apparently Miz has had a panic attack backstage, leaving only one man to take his place…
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Alex Riley
Does anyone out there take Alex Riley seriously? Didn’t think so. Jackson YELLS ALOT while executing moves a la Albert and Riley hits a DDT for two. Jackson powers out and proves he can hit alot of clotheslines before a uranage ends things.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
-Riley is a jobber and Jackson is just another pushed musclehead a long line of failed ones 1/2*.
-John Cena, even though he’s fired and has lost everything, still makes his normal, coked-up entrance because he’s a master of subtleties like that. He goes through the respect speech thing and turns on the water works for his fake retirement….I will give him props starting the dueling chants though. BREAKING NEWS: No one in the crowd is buying this angle either. Billy Kidman is still alive? I thought he killed himself after Torrie Wilson left him…I know I would.
-So anyways, Cena finally takes his leave and the camera desperately searches for audience members crying or showing frustration…and finds none. That should be a huge red flag when even the marks aren’t buying Cena’s promo, which was admittedly good. Cena shakes hands with Orton and takes his leave for a month or whatever length of time the creative team needs to come up with a loophole.
King of the Ring Qualifier
Ted DiBiase vs. Daniel Bryan
Nothing like giving away a match for free that fans paid for last night…that’ll make them spend the money next time. Brie Bella, one half of the Bella Sluts, runs down and joins Bryan at ringside (Punk: “She’s a 4 at best.”). DiBiase attacks right away and hits a flapjack for two then drops Bryan on the top rope for another near fall. Teddy misses a blind charge so Bryan hits a dropkick but runs into a spinebuster for two. Bryan looks for the LaBell Lock on the kick out and actually gets it locked in, earning a tapout and the victory.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
-Who the hell did DiBiase piss off to become the mayor of Jobberville? The Bryan push continues but why can’t he just be the guy who taps everyone out? Why does he need a lame “girls love him” storyline that will do nothing to help the character and only distract from his awesome workrate? Match was way too short to be anything meaningful *1/2.
Natalya vs. Alicia Fox
Alicia actually survived the roster cuts…why? All that money she drew during her amazing title run? Feh. Anyways, Natalya gets a monkey flip while Punk mocks Lawler. Alicia spends about a minute pulling hair and rips out one of Natalya’s extensions, setting off the Neidhart rage and triggering a delayed vertical suplex (complete with squats) for two. Natalya muscles Alicia off the ropes and rolls through a sunset flip, locking on the Sharpshooter and earning the win.
-An obviously scripted match designed for Alicia to pull hair and Nattie to look strong…point taken *1/4.
-Meanwhile, they are finally acknowledging the John Morrison/Melina relationship on television. Hey John, why don’t you go ask Matt Hardy and Lita how well that worked out for them?
King of the Ring Qualifier
John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd
If people sitting on their hands is considered awesome heel heat then Tyson Kidd should be world champion next week. Stalemate leads to Kidd stomping away in the corner and slamming John’s chest into the apron for two. Morrison fights back by countering a kick with one of his own and hits a leg lariat for two. Kidd takes a powder to recover and uses a cheapshot to set up a swinging neckbreaker for two. Morrison dodges a blind charge and hits a springboard kick to set up Starship Pain for the win.
Winner: John Morrison
-Again, way too short to be anything about *1/2. Tyson Kidd might as well start looking for indy dates because this heel turn left him dead in the water.
-Another three hour Raw? Good Lord.
-Speaking of three hour Raws…the word going around is that the awesome Roddy Piper promo from last week has alot of people feeling upstaged due to its effect. Piper’s promo did more for the world title than any worker has done since 2002. The reason? Piper’s promo obviously wasn’t scripted and you could tell because it was RODDY PIPER talking and not some reject television writer who has watched wrestling for all of 6 months. Piper might be the greatest heel and talker of all-time and there is no way some hack from Hollywood is going to be able to work a crowd like the Hot Rod. A great piece of business that immediately pissed of WWE because it was better than anything they could have written themselves. THIS is why wrestling is where it is today.
WWE World Title
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
So what happens? If you guessed Nexus would attack and injure Orton’s knee, give yourself a gold star. We take a break to let Orton recover and Cole announces the Mystery GM has banned Nexus from ringside. Wow, what an effective general manager…allow a wrestler to get hurt and then force through a nonsensical punishment….just like Roger Goddell. Orton slugs away but Barrett wisely goes to the knee and NOW WOOOOOOOO we go to school…OK, not really but I miss saying that. Barrett works the leg and gets a few two counts but Orton kicks out of a leg lock and hits a backbreaker. Barrett goes back to the leg and hits Wasteland for what looks like the win but John Cena runs in from the crowd and yanks out the referee. Nexus gives chase, running Cena out of the building and taking themselves out of the situation. How the HELL is this not a disqualification? Orton recovers and hits an RKO for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Randy Orton
-If you like matches with one guy kicking another in the leg for 5 minutes then this is the match for you *1/4. Finish still made absolutely no sense because the referee should DEFINITELY have rung the bell after getting yanked out.
WWE World Title
Randy Orton vs. The Miz
Yes, the bell finally rings so this one counts, children. Miz immediately goes after the knee and wraps it around the ring post but makes the mistake of getting overeager and gets floored. Orton gets his snap powerslam and looks for the RKO to finish but Miz gets a perfect counter into the Skull Crushing Finale for the win and his first World title.
Winner and NEW Champion: The Miz
-I swear to God, if you would have told me in 2002 that MIKE MIZANIN would be the WWE champion, I would have punched you in the face for lying to me. The match rating isn’t important because they FINALLY pulled the trigger on the Miz…God help us all.
Well, the show pretty much sucked all the way up to 11:04 until the surprise ending. The show definitely doesn’t warrant a thumbs up but you absolutely HAVE to see the face that some young girl makes in the crowd as the Miz wins the title….it’s pure venom. I will give credit where credit is due, Miz has worked his ass off to get to this position so I really hope everything works out for him. Skip the first 2 hours and 3 minutes and watch Miz reach his lifelong goal and, hopefully, carry the show for a couple months at least.
Let’s go Pens.