Raw Review (October 4, 2010)
– Live! from Wichita, KS (where birds fall dead from the sky because there aren’t enough trees to land on…no, seriously)
– So, of course, Nexus kicks us off for a little bragging and to reveal that Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris were, in fact, the two men that interfered in last night’s match…but Wade did not invite them! No way, no how. *Whew* Glad they cleared that up. Hey, guess what? Nexus actually has HEAT after beating John Cena last night…what a concept, who would have thought WINNING a big match would give the new guys credibility and make the crowd give a shit about them?
In a cool moment, Cena takes off the “Cenation” armband and replaces it with the Nexus one. The heels have even taken the time to write a prepared statement for Cena to make to all his fans out there…now those are some nice guys. Wade announces that John Cena and Michael Tarver (who flipped on Cena earlier) will take on Evan Bourne and Mizark Henry RIGHT NOW…
John Cena & Michael Tarver vs. Evan Bourne & Mizark Henry
Cena shakes Bourne’s hand so Tarver freaks out and relegates Cena to the apron. Tarver takes over on Bourne and, guess what, we already GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
When we come back, Mizark is stomping away on Tarver and is all over him like Mark Henry on a giant piece of cake. Bourne checks in as the faces work the arm and Cena refuses to tag in when Tarver crawls over. Henry works a front facelock and then uses the POWER OF FAT to crush Tarver’s chest. Bourne checks in with a standing moonsault for two but Tarver comes back with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex and goes for the tag again. Cena again refuses the tag and uses the time to sign autographs at ringside in a funny bit so Henry hits the World’s Fattest Slam and gets the win.
Winners: Mark Henry & Evan Bourne
– John Cena promises to destroy Nexus from the inside out and body slams Tarver on the ring steps twice to add an exclamation point. Ummmm….where’s Nexus? An STF forces Tarver to tap for mercy but Mr. Mystery GM breaks things up and states that Cena must follow Wade Barrett’s orders as a member of Nexus or else face termination. Well, that actually makes sense based on the stipulation, so there ya go. The match, by the way, was just a big angle to advance the storyline and I’m fine with that for now *1/4.
Natalya vs. Alicia Fox
We come back and are immediately in the middle of the match (I’m fine with skipping most, if not all of women’s matches) and Natalya hits a hard clothesline before locking on the Sharpshooter for the quick submission win.
– Yeah, that’s a DUD but if they only show 30 second women’s matches for the rest of the year, I’ll be happy.
– Backstage, guest host Johnny Knoxville flirts with the divas and Zack Ryder falls victim to a giant hand smacking him in the face.
– Meanwhile, John Cena spots Husky Harris and Mike McGillicutty but runs into Nexus and can’t get his hands on them.
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Well, this is a tumble in the card for Mr. Sheamus, isn’t it? He pounds away in the corner and repeatedly knees Bryan in the head until the ref has seen enough and calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ: Daniel Bryan
– DUD for yet another angle match. Why throw Bryan out there to take that beating? At least announce him as the winner so he doesn’t take that beating and never get revenge.
– Recap of Edge and his beatdown of a fucking computer….no I’m not still bitter, why do you ask?
– Edge hits the ring for his GM-ordered apology but instead takes his aggressions out on Michael Cole…it’s funny because it’s TRUE! Cole is really perfecting his heel mannerisms…just turn him fully already. The GM announces a 20-man battle royal for the #1 contender spot (the writer’s go t0 plan when they have no idea how else to book a contender). Mystery GM then announces that he has traded Edge to Smackdown for unnamed talent. Edge calls Michael Cole a “tool” and Cole FREAKS out but is only saved from a spear by the Miz.
Edge runs down all the reasons why Miz is just his doppelganger…I miss the “totally reeks of awesomeness” catchphrase and the less popular “sodas rule!” After some verbal jousting, Edge delivers a spear to Alex Riley but falls victim to the Skull Crushing Finale. Cole is relieved that the new computer is still ok after the fight.
– Backstage, Barrett says he never really liked Tarver anyways so Cena is forgiven. Wade orders Cena to help him win the battle royale tonight and David Otunga speaks out of line yet again.
The Bella Twins vs. LayCool
LayCool is given headset microphone DURING the match to really amp up the annoyance factor…yippie. One of the Bellas hit a dropkick and an X-Factor for two but Layla breaks it up and hits a kick. The referee escorts Layla out and the Bellas switch places and Nikki rolls up Michelle for the win.
Winners: The Bellas
– I will sum this up by quoting Michael Cole at the end of the match: “That was horrible.” DUD DUD DUD…who comes up with this stuff? Does anyone remember the when Coliseum Video used to mic managers like Sherri during certain matches? This reminded me of that…except terrible.
– Backstage, Maryse accuses Johnny Knoxville of sending the love notes but Teddie Jr. falls victim to the giant hand and hilarity ensues.
– Knoxville hits the ring to promote Jackass 3D, which I will actually see, and tries to hurry out of the ring but Ted and Maryse cut him off. Knoxville drops a small penis joke on Ted, so DiBiase puts him to sleep with the Million Dollar Dream. Finally, after weeks of anticipation and waiting ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT to see who the secret admirer is…it is revealed to be Goldust. Oh, goodie. Dustin says he doesn’t want Ted or Maryse, he is actually after the Million Dollar Belt. Knoxville would have made a good manager back in the 1980s because he’s pretty natural on the stick and has good delivery.
– By the way, in a display of how annoying Vince McMahon is, the announcers have to call the Million Dollar Belt the Million Dollar Championship. Why? Because Vince hates the word “belt” and has ordered his announcers to never say it.
– Make a Wish videos get me all verklempt…
Talk amongst yourselves.
– Backstage, David Otunga tries to bond with John Cena.
20 Man Battle Royal
Winner gets the title shot at Bragging Rights. Cena’s entrance theme is stopped and he is forced to come out the Nexus’s music in a nice touch. Everyone teams up and attacks the Nexus to start but Sheamus forces Evan Bourne out in about 10 seconds, followed quickly by DH Smith. Cena gets rid of William Regal as Wade Barrett works over Darren Young (who I didn’t even know was still on the main roster) in the corner. Santino is sent out courtesy of the Miz and Henry press slams Zack Ryder to the floor. Primo also falls victim to Kool-Aid and Cena saves Wade Barrett from suffering the same fate. Mizark is all like “what’s up, John?” and Nexus uses the distraction to eliminate Henry. Nexus flips on Cena for not helping them eliminate Henry and Cena tosses out Otunga out of frustration. Barrett freaks out and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
We return to the usual battle royale stuff learn that Nexus has gotten rid of Vladimir Kozolv and former member Darren Young, who really needs to go back to FCW. Nexus finally takes a hit from WWE when Morrison eliminates Heath Slater but John Cena saves Barrett from R-Truth and Morrison. Tyson Kidd hits the floor courtesy of John Morrison so Miz works him over in the corner. Miz gets a little cocky and Morrison puts him out via a body scissors, triggering a partnership between DiBiase and Sheamus against Cena/Barrett. R-Truth eliminates Justin Gabriel with a kick but DiBiase puts Truth on the floor immediately after and Barrett puts out DiBiase.
So we’re left with a final four of Sheamus, John Morrison, John Cena, and Wade Barrett. Morrison pairs off with Barrett and Sheamus hammers away on Cena in the corner. Morrison hits Barrett with a kick from the apron but his momentum causes him to lose his grip on the top rope and fall to the floor. Barrett takes a breather while Sheamus stops the SOS Comeback with a backbreaker but misses the pump kick and Cena gets rid of Sheamus, leaving Barrett and Cena. They have a stand-off but Barrett orders John Cena to throw himself over the top rope and, after some teasing, Cena has no choice but to follow directions.
Winner: Wade Barrett
– Battle royales are pretty difficult to rate so let’s just say this one was better than most because it actually had a storyline instead of mindless eliminations and laying-on-the-ropes spots. Barrett and Randy Orton have a staredown to end the show.
Well, the wrestling absolutely sucked this week thanks to short matches and an episode completely dominated by one storyline. The Cena storyline still holds some intrigue for me because there’s a a couple different directions the creative team can go. Personally, I would have Nexus go into “brainwash the fuck out of Cena” and slowly have Cena start seeing things their way. After a couple months, those cheers will turn into boos and suddenly we have an unstoppable heel that’s already proven he can take on 3 guys at once. Sure, the “Cena is a prisoner” angle can be good too, but it’s all in the booking. Tonight was definitely a skippable show but I’m willing to give them a slight pass if the Cena program is booked well next week.