The Cahoon Run Down: Addressing Cena’s “Haters”

Caution: There is some…… Strong language in the final paragraph of this article. If that prospect offends you in any way, I apologize in advance.

Hey everybody, Geddy Cahoon here with a new edition of The Cahoon Run Down. Last week, I implied that I would be writing an article about Daniel Bryan and his newfound popularity. I was all set to do that. Quick aside about Bryan: He’s currently the most entertaining act in the company. WWE ought to not bury him post-Sheamus feud. However, a few things came up. Perhaps most pressingly, I just would not be able to stretch an entire article out of my thoughts on D-Bry. But on top of that, something came to my attention on Facebook last week, which I will get to in a moment, that… Inspired me to write this article. It’s something of a companion piece to my previous Cena article, so check that out if you haven’t. In this piece, I’ll address some common complaints I hear levied against Cena, as well as this specific incident on Facebook which perturbed me so.

Most “smart” wrestling fans loathe John Cena. They feel he is boring, and in need of a gimmick change. I can accede to that, despite my love of the man. Some people feel disenfranchised with the biz, since a guy like Cena (Who really sucks, according to the internet) goes over and continues to be pushed over a supposedly more talented guy like Tyson Kidd or Dolph Ziggler. Of course, there is an inherent logic flaw in that line of thinking. I agree that some guys deserve a shot. But WWE is NOT going to push a sure thing like Cena out of the limelight for a talented, yet charisma-less nobody who isn’t going to earn the company a cent like Trent Baretta. Some of the guys in the back aren’t going to get their time. They won’t have World Championships or anything like that. It’s upsetting to some degree, but it’s true. Plus, how can you hate the player when it’s clearly the proverbial game that is inherently flawed?

John Cena has attempted to get guys pushed before. He begged the writers and the higher ups to push Evan Bourne some time back. He’s not a soulless, monstrous sycophant who constantly pushes younger guys out of the way for five more minutes of fame (AKA Triple H). He’s just REPRESENTED by a company that won’t push him out of the way for younger guys. Cena definitely worked to get into his “Hulk Hogan” position. But it’s ultimately up to WWE to keep him there. Also, many of Cena’s haters fail to look at the business from every standpoint. Yes, Dolph Ziggler is talented (I don’t know if I’d say he’s more talented than Cena; I like Ziggler, but his whole thing is pretty much that he takes cartoony looking bumps) but he isn’t consistently good at cutting promos, and he certainly isn’t a draw. He (And most of the other guys the internet favors) aren’t just going to get handed a silver platter. They have to fight and claw their ways to the top, just like Cena did. And sometimes, WWE just won’t favor them. I just don’t understand why John Cena is seen as this omniscient figure who pulls all the strings backstage and intentionally structures his matches in a lame way, and refuses to give someone else the spotlight. He’s essentially hated for being successful. I also can’t fathom the idea of hating someone who is clearly a good person. Most people who hate Cena seem to (Quite ridiculously) allow their hatred to transcend the “Fake” world of wrestling, and actually despise Cena as a human being. Which directly leads to my next point…

One of the biggest facets of Facebook is the group feature. People can join groups and converse with people that share interests relevant to them. There exists one particular Facebook group known as “Cena Cannot Wrestle.” Now the name bothers me enough, as citing Cena’s “Five Moves of Doom” as proof of his suckiness is ridiculous and also makes guys like CM Punk and HHH “suck” by that logic, as everyone works from a set repertoire of moves. Also, it’s not Cena’s fault that his matches are structured in that awful “Babyface in peril” style. But this group’s mere existence didn’t bother me enough to write an entire article in response to them. Rather, it was a comment on one of the group’s pictures, brought to my attention by my brother, that really… Set me off.

The picture in question was Ted DiBiase posing with a disabled child, as part of WWE’s frequent contributions to the Make a Wish Foundation, which is a fantastic program. I of course have no inherent issue with that picture. I love Ted DiBiase, and I love the program. What set me off, as I keep mentioning, was a comment on the photo. The comment was only a few words. Barely even a sentence, really. It read:

And Cena thinks he’s the only one.

As in, “Hah, of course that asshole John Cena has an ego about every single thing and assumes that he is the only person who could ever bring joy to children. What a dick.”

No. Fucking no. I read that comment about a week ago, and it’s still pissing me the fuck off to no end. John Cena has granted more wishes than any other human being on the planet. The kids love him, and it’s clearly something that he enjoys doing. Why the fuck did this “holier than thou, smart (I use the term VERY loosely) fan” have to bring this into it? Why does every single aspect of John Cena’s fucking person need to be fucking hated in some way? It’s petty, and it’s also a crock of bullshit. Oh, John Cena does this amazing, wonderful thing for sick kids you say? He must have some sort of ulterior, ego-bolstering motive behind it. Why? Why does the hatred of Cena have to reach this level? You’re telling me you hate the guy that fucking much, that you have to insult him bringing joy to sick children? Well the guy who wrote that fucking comment is pathetic. I can understand hating a wrestler. You need to separate your hatred of the wrestler from your opinion of the person though. And if you can’t do that, then you’re fucking pathetic too.

Geddy Cahoon
Facebook: NoDQ Geddy Cahoon