The Cahoon Run Down: Cautious Optimism in the Face of Lesnar


Hey everybody, Geddy Cahoon here with my first official column on! If you frequent, you may already know me. Going forward, I’ll be posting articles on each week as well! This week, I want to talk about what is currently the most important storyline in the WWE: The return of Brock Lesnar. Yes, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that “The Next Big Thing” returned to the WWE last week, after an 8 year absence. Lesnar’s return has garnered media attention that transcends the professional wrestling realm. It’s legitimate sports news. And for better or for worse, this return is going to benefit everyone involved in a fiscal and media attention-gathering way.

Brock Lesnar left the WWE in 2004 despite being poised to be one of the biggest wrestling stars of all time. The harsh travel schedule was eating him up, and Lesnar decided that he wanted to play football for the Minnesota Vikings. Brock had a seven year contract, but only stayed on for two or three years of it before deciding he had had enough. If I remember correctly, Lesnar had to actually take the WWE to court to get out of his contract. He wanted out of the biz that badly.

Eventually, he got his wish. Despite receiving one of the most monstrous pushes we’ve ever seen, Brock Lesnar left the WWE. Of course, his departure paved the way for stars such as Batista and John Cena, who arguably would not have risen to such prominence if not for Brock Lesnar leaving the company. Lesnar kicked around Japan for a bit, becoming the IWGP Heavyweight champ. Eventually, he would go on to become an MMA fighter, and join UFC, the WWE’s top competitor. Debuting in 2007, Lesnar was swiftly defeated by Frank Mir. Not one to be deterred, Lesnar honed his skills, and captured the UFC championship a year later. He would go on to become the face of UFC, and one of their most well known competitors. Unfortunately, a persistent bout of diverticulitis would hurt Lesnar’s career, causing him to lose the championship to Cain Velasquez, and be ruthlessly defeated by Alistair Overeem in the match that effectively ended his UFC career. That was December 2011. After being off the so called radar for a few months, rumors began circulating on WrestleMania weekend that Lesnar would be resigning with the WWE. They proved to be true, and Lesnar returned on April 2, 2012, decimating John Cena. Lesnar is booked for 35-40 appearances throught 2012-2013.

Fan reaction was… Insane. Rightly so. It’s Brock Lesnar! The guy left in the prime of his career, for a reason that’s actually kind of dumb. But now he’s back, and he’ll be wrestling pretty consistently. Who would think that in the 2011-2012 year, we’d see Kevin Nash AND Brock Lesnar wrestling? It’s surreal. He got a massive pop on April 2, and a great reaction this past Monday as well. Major media outlets are picking up his return. I’ll admit that I marked out when he made his return. It’s awesome! His angle as a sort of pretentious yes-man to Laurinaitis is decent too. Not a bad way to incorporate him. There’s just one question I feel needs to be raised: Why?

Why did Brock Lesnar come back? It’s a seemingly simple question, but when you break it down, it’s actually quite the mystery. Logically, it shouldn’t have anything to do with money. He has all the money he needs! UFC is lucrative, and I’m sure he wasn’t exactly poor after his WWE-tenure. However, I don’t think it has anything to do with pleasing fans either. Something about Lesnar rubs me the wrong way. I feel as though he’s probably an… How do I put this lightly… Asshole, in real life. I doubt he cares about his legacy or status amongst the fans. He looked bored during his entrance on Monday. Which means that unfortunately, it more than likely boils down to greed. He just wants MORE money. And he’s already getting it. The contract is signed. This raises some issues. He’s a draw. People will pay for Lesnar. So WWE would be crazy to let him go. Obviously, this means he really doesn’t have to try. He doesn’t have to get in phenomenal shape, or clean up his ring technique at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if he only puts in the bare minimum required to make bank.

This leads directly to another issue: He DID look out of shape these past two weeks. Lesnar, quite frankly, looks fat and doughy. That’s fine. He battled some illnesses, and he’s not going to be immediately ready to get back into the squared circle. But he NEEDS to get ready. As soon as possible! If he isn’t at least moderately in shape by Extreme Rules, that show is going to be a major disappointment. There’s pressure on Lesnar now. And quite frankly, his appearance from the past few weeks is not going to cut it. I’m worried that he doesn’t feel as though he needs to bulk up or get in shape. His mic work on Monday was strange as well. It wasn’t “bad,” but he sounded… Insane, quite frankly. Kind of rambly and weird. Maybe that will improve with time as well.

Now, this is by no means me complaining. I’m excited about Lesnar. I know to some people, it seems like “My thing” is that I’m a cynical bastard. I don’t try to make it that way. I’m STOKED that Lesnar is back. And I fully believe that he will improve in the areas listed. This is just my assessment of the situation. Honestly, currently it doesn’t look good. But that’s why I’m cautiously optimistic. I’m hopeful that Lesnar WILL put forth the effort to do well. If not, he’ll be just as hated as he was during that Goldberg match.

I hope you enjoyed this read! Lesnar’s sporting career and the fact that the aforementioned career has only spanned about 11 years, yet is so storied, fascinates me to no end. It’s really representative of the sporting world in general. Lesnar is so young, yet he’s so “seasoned” and “old.” I want to write more about him, but I don’t have it in me today. Maybe in the future. Next week, I’ll more than likely be writing about the weirdness of fictional characters guest-hosting RAW.

If you want to talk wrestling, action figures, or give an opinion on my articles, email me ( or friend me on Facebook (Nodq Geddy Cahoon). Don’t forget to check out Nerd World Country, and,  two sites that I run/help run! Until next time, thanks for checking out my debut column here on!