The Cahoon Run Down: Fictional Characters Guest Hosting RAW



swagger kermit

Hey everybody, Geddy Cahoon here with another edition of The Cahoon Run Down for my millions of fans across the universe! This week, I want to talk about something I mentioned last week in conjunction with The Three Stooges appearing on RAW… That is, the extremely, extremely strange concept that is the idea of fictional characters guest-hosting RAW. I’m not counting the “real” celebrities who guest host, and play a character of some sort. I’m talking specifically about the strangeness of something like Sheamus saying that Beaker from the Muppets is one of his cousins, and that stupid joke actually being incorporated as a canon part of Sheamus’ backstory. It’s weird, unsettling, and I think takes away from any realistic legitimacy WWE may have, in the eyes of non-fans.

In the past year or two, we’ve had a couple of “fictional” RAW guest hosts. They were, of course, Jim Henson’s beloved puppet characters, The Muppets, and the no-name actors portraying the “new” Three Stooges. All of the actors (Or puppets) appeared in character, portraying their characters from the films being promoted. The Three Stooges were supposedly transported to the arena via a giant wooden box, and talked to Santino Marella about figuring out some sort of gimmick for their guest hosting gig. They eventually entered to a chorus of boos, the new Curly did a mean Hogan impersonation (Seriously, props to that guy; that was an awesome impression), and they were kind of just randomly attacked by Kane. Overall, it was a pointless series of skits that the fans were not fond of.

The Muppets got slightly more airtime than the Stooges. They were still there to hock a movie that was premiering soon, and like the Stooges, seemed to ultimately interact more with the Heels than the Faces, probably since Heels are funnier. The Muppets got way more sketches than the Stooges, including Christian bullying Beaker and the other science Muppet (Not a Muppet fan, I don’t know all of the names), which led to the aforementioned scene with Sheamus talking to Beaker about the upcoming family reunion, Gonzo getting bullied by Swagger and Ziggler, Swagger being made to look like a fool by Kermit, Miss Piggy and Santino (Jack Swagger looks retarded regardless of whether he’s fighting puppets or other wrestlers… Love ya Swags), John Morrison and Miss Piggy flirting, Hornswoggle kissing Miss Piggy, and Kermit getting “paper bagged” by Cody Rhodes. I don’t remember exactly how the fans responded to the Muppets, but I think reception was warmer than it was for the Stooges. Both segments could theoretically be classified as “successes” because they featured important media characters interacting with WWE wrestlers, who aren’t exactly the most well-known guys.

However, there are obviously a ton of issues with these guest hosts. Perhaps the biggest issue is just how WEIRD it is. I understand that when you hear “The Muppets are guest hosting RAW” or “The Three Stooges are guest hosting RAW,” you expect them to be in character. And yes, I understand that in order for the segments to achieve maximum effectiveness, the stars do have to interact with these fictional characters. The twisted logic of it doesn’t make it any less irritating. At the end of the day, it’s just extremely odd to see Jack Swagger go back and forth with Kermit the Frog, acting like Kermit is really talking to him, while a puppeteer (Whom, from the angle he’s standing, Swagger would clearly be able to see) works him and his voice is piped in. It’s weird, and on top of that overall weirdness, it’s insulting to our intelligence. I know that as a “PG” product, WWE has to appeal to the children in some way. I think these segments are even insulting to children in the audience. Even a 5 year old knows that Fozzy Bear isn’t real.

Now, you could easily call me an idiot for saying that the idea of fictional characters being involved in wrestling is “Insulting to my intelligence.” I’m sure some of you will. Because yes, it does sound idiotic at first. The wrestlers interacting with these characters are characters themselves. It’s fully acknowledged that these on screen wrestlers are not “real.” So, it stands to reason that it is completely okay for these fictional wrestlers to interact with other fictional characters. No. Absolutely not. Because yes, the wrestlers are fictional. Wrestling is “fake.” Fake AND gay according to many people on the internet. But WWE, on top of acknowledging that wrestling is staged, does attempt to cultivate this idea, in the context of the show (RAW or SmackDown) that it IS real. It’s like any other TV show. Would Walter White on Breaking Bad meet Curly from the Three Stooges while he’s cooking meth out in the desert? Of course not. Because in most TV shows and works of fiction, the characters from other works of fiction are just that. Characters from fiction. Why does wrestling operate differently in that respect? Well it obviously has to do with recognition. WWE will do anything, even go against its own mantra that the WWE is an “Action Soap Opera” to get a quick mention on Yahoo! News.

That’s why the fictional guest hosts really bug me. Vince is only concerned with bringing people to the product. He will do that at any cost, be it alienating long-time fans by changing the product to PG, or have the Three Stooges shipped to RAW via a giant box. It’s insulting to us. It’s insulting to the diehards who watch RAW every week, whether Brock Lesnar’s returning or it’s the shitty-ass Slammy Awards. It implies that Vince values a new dollar more than his loyal supporters. And he obviously does, that isn’t a secret. I just wish it wasn’t so obvious. If we must have guest hosts… Can they at least be REAL people?

Maybe I’m overreacting to this a bit, but it really does bother me on some level. A lack of interesting goings on this week also gave me incentive to write this spiel. Next week, I may write about Daniel Bryan if the YES chants continue. Hopefully the number of fictional guest hosts decreases in the coming year. Although, since I mentioned Breaking Bad earlier… It would be amazing to see Walter White guest host RAW…

I hope you enjoyed this article! To talk wrestling, my columns, or action figures, email me (hahahahawhy@Yahoo.com) or friend me on Facebook (NoDQ Geddy Cahoon). Check out the other sites I write on, NoDQ.com, QuickWrestlingNews.com, and my nerdy podcast/other shit website Nerd World Country! Until next time, thanks for reading!



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