The Cahoon Run Down: Money in The Bank 2012 Review

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Hey everybody, Geddy Cahoon here with this early edition of The Cahoon Run Down. Today I’ll be reviewing last night’s Money in The Bank pay per view, and I’m really on the fence as to my overall opinion of the show. We got two solid matches, and three that were essentially clunkers. Were those two good matches enough to salvage the entire show? Continue reading to find out!

WHC MiTB Match – Dolph Ziggler Wins: **** out of *****

This was, without any shadow of a doubt, the match of the night. All guys involved were some of the most Elite workers in the WWE. The outcome was somewhat predictable, but I’ll get to that. This match was full of awesome spots and guys I love. Tyson Kidd performed really well, though he didn’t quite get the chance to shine many were hoping for. Christian took some gnarly bumps and as always, justified his continued employment. Santino was kind of just there, but what does he really need to do? He’s the most over jobber in the history of wrestling. Cody Rhodes really didn’t do much, but he was involved in some decent spots (Loved him getting speared off of the ladder). Sin Cara attempting to superplex Ziggler and then failing was a terrifying botch, but also a memorable moment. My man Damien Sandow had some great moments too, though he was kept out of the limelight overall. That’s probably good because he isn’t established (Feud him with Christian and give him the IC title ASAP), but I loved him getting hit in the face with the ladder. Tensai was actually responsible for my favorite spot of the night: Tossing Ziggler into the announce table. That. Was. f***ing. Insane. Best moment of the night, hands down. I’ve really come to like Tensai in recent weeks, not really sure why. He performed about as well as a guy his size can, and they didn’t make him do anything ridiculous or dangerous. Overall, the match had a great flow to it and some may think the rating is a tad high, but it entertained the hell out of me.

Now, as for the winner… I’d grown sick of Dolph Ziggler in recent months. I feel like he hasn’t been doing anything, and he tends to oversell moves (Come on internet, he does, admit it). But with this match, my faith in him has been restored. He took the most insane, daring bumps in the match, and like I said, he was involved in the best spot. The crowd also likes him, as evidenced by that massive pop he got when he unlatched the ‘case. However… Well first off, you could see the ending coming a mile away (Much as I hoped it wouldn’t turn out as we all knew it would), but furthermore, I still don’t think he should’ve been the winner here. Think about it. This is an established guy who’s actually been World Champ! He doesn’t need any help getting into the title picture, as evidenced by his feuds with CM Punk and Edge in past years. Cody Rhodes, however, needs that final push to really become a main eventer. My qualms about the victor aside, this match was top-notch, everyone performed as well as they could, and really, nothing on the rest of the show could even touch this in terms of quality. Solid opener all around, but when you open with something like this, there’s nowhere to go but down.

Sheamus d. Alberto Del Rio to Retain the World Heavyweight Championship: ** and 1/2 out of *****

I’ll be brutally honest here: I didn’t really pay attention to this match. And why should I have? It was totally predictable, and these guys might be the two most boring acts in WWE right now. How do you take a feud that has never been done before, and make it more boring than literally everything else in the company? I don’t know. WWE are experts at doing the wrong thing though. I’m fairly certain that this was Del Rio’s last shot at the big time. He’s done now, and if reports are any indication, he’ll be gone soon enough. I feel like for a guy who can perform well in most cases, Del Rio usually has extremely quick, technically underwhelming PPV matches. This one was no different. Sheamus really had no trouble putting this guy down, especially when Del Rio’s new gimmick is allegedly that he’s “aggressive.” It doesn’t seem like they even did any cool spots other than the superplex, and that’s not enough on a PPV like this. My biggest issue though, was the fact that Sheamus had enough energy to get up and taunt before winning. Finishes are supposed to come out of nowhere in matches like this. Not have 30 seconds of buildup. He beat Del Rio so cleanly that Del Rio won’t even have to take a shower after the show… Sorry for how corny that was. Anyway, teasing Ziggler cashing in afterwards was lame too. Made ol’ Dolph, and by extension everyone he toppled to win the ‘case, look weak as shit.

Primo & Epico d. The Prime Time Players: * and 1/2 out of *****

I absolutely adore the Prime Time Players. I love the gimmick, I love their look, I love A.W., everything. Now why are the number one contenders for the Tag Team championships jobbing in random pay per view matches? Primo and Epico, while decent from a technical standpoint, are boring. They were boring as heels and they’re even more boring as faces. So why give them a win over the future tag champs? Facebook user Justin Henry had this to say, and I think he makes a great point: It furthers the idea of A.W. not caring about victories, just money and the belts. Could get the fans to hate him and PTP more as they’re not in it to win every single match and thus don’t care about the sport or the fans. (He said something along those lines; if you’re reading, sorry for the paraphrase Justin!) Now, that does make sense. But I don’t know if that’s what WWE was going for. I think that now that R-Truth is healed, PTP will go on to feud with Kofi and Truth now. So WWE had to wrap up the PTP/Primo-Epico feud really quickly, as Primo and Epico likely won’t have as much TV presence (To put it lightly) in coming weeks. Also, the frequent losses of PTP to P&E sets up a championship feud in the future. The match was quick and alright, but these guys have fought so many times recently, it’s sort of old news. Also, I’m cranky because my guys lost. Hmmph. However, A.W. screaming “AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW HEEEEEEEEEEL NAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!” post-match was fantastic.

CM Punk d. Daniel Bryan to Retain the WWE Championship: *** out of *****

Despite my issues with AJ as a whole (Not going on that rant again, I promise) this match was pretty great. Bryan and Punk have fought many times, and this gimmick match likely marks the end of the feud. I don’t have any real issues with that… I love D-Bry, but everybody gets stale after a while (Speaking of stale, how ya doin’ there CM Punk?). That said, a Punk/Cena feud isn’t exactly fresh (More on that later…). But, the match. Well first actually, D-Bry’s outfit. What the hell was that? Was he supposed to be a bleeding army man? Yeesh. Anyway, the match. Obviously, these guys have had their technical classics. This was more of an all out brawl. There’s nothing wrong with that though. In fact, I think it turned out quite well. They basically just beat on each other with weapons, but it didn’t feel like they were just beating on each other with weapons. I’m also glad that AJ didn’t really get involved at all. I mean, she had some significance towards the end, but the match didn’t feel like it was about her, as many (Myself included) felt it would. I loved Bryan kicking out of the GTS, it makes him seem less like a chickenshit heel and more like a real, competent wrestler who happens to be a bad guy. I also really liked Bryan beating on Punk with the kendo stick while screaming YES! Gotta love him. Anyone who thought AJ was going to turn heel: WWE wants to make her one of the company’s top stars. No way she was officially turning. So like all non-heel special refs that tease some sort of crisis of faith, she did the boring, right thing.

The strange thing about the outcome of this match (Loved the backdrop through the table to end it. Dangerous, but if there were ever any two that could pull it off well) was that WWE may not have made the right choice. Of course, the majority of the casual, mainline fans still love Punk. But that love may be wearing thin on the internet. Lots of people seemed to really be looking forward to a Bryan win. I would’ve really dug that. I’m sure it’ll come eventually, but perhaps it should’ve come here. Overall, solid, fun match that will unfortunately continue CM Punk’s reign of blandness.

Ryback vs. Reks and Hawkins: RYBACK out of *****

I was a fan of Skip Sheffield. Reks and Hawkins are probably two of my favorite performers in the company right now. However, I wish they wouldn’t use the latter as enhancement talent. I was originally digging this because it was neat to see Ryback in a real feud. But it ended up not really being a feud. He just kicked their asses separately, then kicked their asses together. Not much to say about this. Standard Ryback squash. Nice to Reks and Hawkins on PPV I guess though. That’s something.

Layla, Kaitlyn and Tamina d. Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and Eve: No Rating

Wow, crazy to see these chicks on pay per view right? What isn’t so crazy is that the face divas won. WWE: Taking predictability to a new nadir. I didn’t actually see this match; at this point in the show, I tuned out for the season premiere of Breaking Bad (The one thing that outranks wrestling on my priority list). I’ll go out on a limb here and assume it was no technical classic.

WWE Championship Money in The Bank Match – John Cena Wins: No Rating

Once again, I did not view any of this match due to Breaking Bad. However, I didn’t need to. We all knew Cena was winning. The guy who needs this less than literally anyone in the history of wrestling has won. I love Cena, I don’t make any excuses for or lies about that. But even I think that outcome is ridiculous. Again, I can’t really rate the match from a technical standpoint. I will make up for it by talking copiously about what WWE could do with Cena as briefcase holder, and what they should’ve done with this match.

First off: The returning Miz should have won. I was stoked to see him back, and I had a hint of hope that they would add him, do the right thing and have him win. Nope! He returns only to be buried once again. Imagine it though. Miz wins. He holds on to the ‘case until ‘Mania. He doesn’t challenge for the title or anything… In the main event of WrestleMania, The Rock wins the WWE championship, pleasing all of the idiots who want him to win. And then… The Miz’s music hits. He cashes in on the beaten down Rock, who was barely able to win. Miz wins the championship from the freaking Rock at WrestleMania through a cheap cash-in, and becomes the most hated heel in all of wrestling. Of course, that would be awesome so WWE would never do it. Even if the Miz did cash in on The Rock at ‘Mania, he’d end up being the first person to lose after cashing in or The Rock would just say he’s immune to the briefcase or something because The Rock is perfect and yadda yadda yadda.

Now, Cena is the victor. We all know that. WWE could do that exact same story I just suggested, but with Cena in lieu of Miz. That would still work well, although it would probably inadvertently turn Cena heel. That’s… That’s not good. Cena will probably just cash the ‘case in for a real match down the line because he’s America’s boyscout and blah blah blah. It’ll be boring. And that’s the biggest issue with Cena in possession of the briefcase: It hurts everybody. Everybody.

It hurts all of the young stars who could’ve made up that match, and had a chance to shine and maybe win the briefcase and get pushed. It hurts Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, everyone who wasn’t on the card thanks to this farce of a ladder match. It hurts the fans, who already have a waning interest in the product, as WWE has thus far failed to deliver one of its fabled “Summer Storylines” (And HHH/Lesnar ain’t gonna cut it, I’ll tell you that now). Fans who are already fed up with Cena, and will not exactly be happy at the idea of him being the next champion. Most of all though, it hurts the Money in The Bank concept and ensuing entertainment as a whole. This is a match that was designed to move young talent up the ladder. To get them on TV each week, gauging the fans’ reactions, teasing cash-ins, interacting with the big stars and making waves. With Cena, there will be none of that. He already interacts with the big names. You know he’s on TV each week. We know what reaction he’s going to get. There won’t be any teased cash-ins, because Cena isn’t a heel. In short, there won’t really be any entertainment. With John Cena in possession of it, the grandeur, entertainment, prestige, and most importantly, purpose of the MiTB briefcase are lost.

Overall, I’ll give Money in The Bank a 7/10. That might be a little high, but I really enjoyed the WHC MiTB match. The pay per view was entertaining, but the outcome of many matches (And the matches themselves) may leave a sour taste in the mouths of the fans.

Well, that’s it for this review! Post your thoughts and opinions below! To talk wrestling, articles or anything, email me (hahahahawhy@Yahoo.com) and friend me on Facebook (Nodq Geddy Cahoon). Check out WrestlingRegime.com, and drop me a line if you want to be added to QuickWrestlingRegime, the giant wrestling-related Facebook group, and check out Nerd World Country for some nerdy goodness.

Until next time, thanks for reading!

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