The Cahoon Run Down: Money in The Bank 2012 – Who’s Got a Fighting Chance at Winning? Pt. 2

Hey everybody, Geddy Cahoon here. Sorry for the delay in this article’s posting; I came down with something on Thursday and couldn’t write it. I’m still sick, but I hate missing deadlines so it goes up today. Check out Part 1 if you haven’t, and let’s get in to this!

Justin Roberts – Again, WWE loves listing announcers on the superstars page. Justin Roberts is hardly a superstar. In fact, he’s hardly even an announcer. I don’t like him, but hey. Maybe he’ll win. Vince has done stupider shit. Chance of Winning: None

Kofi Kingston – Last year, after CM Punk got “fired” and they did that WWE championship tourney, I was actually rooting for Kofi to win. I can see him as champ. He’s got the in-ring skills, and his style has seriously improved over the last few years. It doesn’t look nearly as rehearsed and manufactured anymore. That said, the odds of him capturing the case are not likely. Ever since Randy Orton got him kicked down a few pegs, he’s been a midcarder at best. Since Orton seemingly has one foot out the door, maybe Kofi’s star could again rise in the future, but for now, he’ll just be in one of the matches to do some cool spots. Chance of Winning: Highly Unlikely

Mark Henry – Since he’s out on injury, I wouldn’t put too much stock in Henry winning this thing. On top of that, he probably wouldn’t even be in the match if he was still active. He’s had his moment in the sun; in all honesty, I wouldn’t totally mind it if Mark Henry didn’t return to the WWE. I love the guy, but end your career on a high note. Chance of Winning: None

Mason Ryan – This guy was supposed to be pushed to the moon upon being brought up to the main roster last year. Now he’s not even on television. It’s for the same reason that Primo, Epico and A.W. are gone: Rosa Mendes’ injury. Ryan was clearly supposed to figure in to that story somehow. At live events and such, however, he’s been Dolph Ziggler’s henchman. Not sure if they’re going to televise that ever, but the point is he’s a lower midcarder at most. In the future maybe he’ll foolishly get pushed, but he can barely wrestle and quite frankly, his look sucks. Maybe he’ll be in one of the matches, but don’t bank on a victory for Batista 2.0. Chance of Winning: None

Matt Striker – Matt Striker was probably the best commentator on WWE television. So naturally, they replaced him with Michael Cole and Booker T, and now he’s relegated to NXT and backstage crap, because WWE hates good things.. He also wrestles from time to time on NXT, but I wouldn’t get too excited about the prospect of him being in one of these matches. He might be on the pay per view interviewing somebody backstage though. Chance of Winning: None

Michael Cole – I know people hate him, but I actually really enjoy Michael Cole. Spoiler alert: He’s a heel. You’re supposed to hate him. By the logic of the people who want him gone, we might as well just have no heels in the company. But anyway, he’s an announcer so he won’t be in either ladder match. Chance of Winning: None

Michael McGillicutty – I don’t mind Mike McGillicutty. He has a crappy look and an even crappier name, but he can go in the ring to a degree. There are worse guys in the company. His father (Who’s legacy WWE has either stupidly or wisely, depending on your point of view, decided to eschew) was an upper midcarder at best. That’s all I can ever see McGillicutty as, unless he changes his look and name down the line. In the future maybe he’ll assume a Slater-esque role in one of the ladder matches as a filler guy, but not in 2012. Chance of Winning: None

Mr. McMahon – Yeah, he’s on the Superstars page too. I’m too sick and tired to even write anything here. Chance of Winning: None

Primo – For the same reason as Epico, Primo has been absent from TV for some time now as well. And just like Epico, he’s a midcarder at best and fodder for a guy that’s actually going to get pushed at worst. I am a Primo fan though; I actually really dug he and Zack Ryder’s heel tag team from last year. Chance of Winning: None

R-Truth – I’m a huge R-Truth fan. Always have been, always will be. I respect the hell out of the guy; when he was a heel last year at the SmackDown I went to, he took the time to walk around and high five every fan who was watching the wrestlers get into their cars (Me included!) when the FACE Zack Ryder wouldn’t give us the time of day. I went through a crisis of faith regarding him when he got suspended for smoking fake weed, but that’s his prerogative. I am, however, still very angry at him for mortgaging his push and his amazing heel character. Awesome Truth was hands down, the most entertaining thing WWE had to offer in 2011. If he still had the insane heel persona, I could totally see him as a winner of this match. Now, he’s a crappy, injured face. He probably won’t even be in either of the matches. Sad. Also noteworthy: He’s been injured for a few weeks now, but WWE hasn’t yet taken the tag championships off of he and Kofi. Shows how much the titles matter… Chance of Winning: None

Randy Orton – I loathe Randy Orton. He’s overrated, boring, and can barely cut a promo. Now that that’s out of the way, my feelings of him won’t have any effect on his chances at winning MiTB. I think his suspension is going to prevent him from even competing. Chance of Winning: None

Rey Mysterio – I’m not a huge Rey Mysterio fan either. That said, I’m not even sure if he’ll be returning in time for the Money in The Bank. On top of his injury, he was also suspended. I’m shocked WWE hasn’t released him yet, he’s such a liability. But if he does return in time, you can be damn sure that he’ll at least be in one of the matches. Chance of Winning: Highly Unlikely

Ricardo Rodriguez – I think he qualifies as a Superstar; he’s wrestled more times in recent months than some other guys on the roster. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on the card at MiTB though, in some form of comedy match. He’s wrestling the US champ at No Way Out, after all. Chance of Winning: None

Ryback – Ryback is Vince McMahon’s current pet. I loved Skip Sheffield, the Nexus enforcer, so I guess by extension I’m a Ryback fan. He’s okay. I don’t think he’s developed enough to win the briefcase though. He doesn’t have a character. He just… Hurts people. Plus, he’s a face. I don’t think the briefcase works with faces. It’s almost tailor-made for a chickenshit heel. I don’t doubt that one of these days, Ryback will be champ. But I doubt his victory will be briefcase related, nor will he probably be in either ladder match. Chance of Winning: Highly Unlikely

Sakamoto – I’m pretty sure Tensai’s assistant is a wrestler. Most on-screen managerial characters are. One of these days maybe he’ll team up with Tensai in some sort of tag match… I don’t really know what to say here… Tensai has been falling recently, I feel as though Sakamoto may not be long for this world. Chance of Winning: None

Santino Marella – Fan response to Santino is often very warm. He’s funny enough at times, and he can definitely perform in the ring. But his character never goes anywhere, despite all the victories he’s amassed. I’m not a huge fan of his. I assume he’ll be in one of the ladder matches, but I doubt he’ll be winning. Chance of Winning: None

Scott Stanford – This guy is still employed by WWE…? Chance of Winning: None

Sin Cara – Sin Cara was a walking punchline before he got injured at Survivor Series. He was supposedly this elite Mexican star, but nearly every match he competed in was riddled with very obvious botches. Now, he’s back and apparently better than ever. I don’t view SmackDown often, but he’s supposedly doing pretty well now. I think Cara has a great look, and if he continues performing at this level, I’ll probably become a big fan of his. I could honestly see him walking away with a briefcase from MiTB. That is, if they’re willing to risk him hurting himself again by putting him in either match. The only issue with him being world champ is that he can’t cut any promos – The guy doesn’t speak English. But HHH is probably eager to prove that his pick of the litter can perform at a top-tier level. Chance of Winning – Unlikely

Ted DiBiase – DiBiase has been injured for a really long time. I have no idea when he’s getting back, but whenever it is, I doubt he’ll be winning MiTB. Chance of Winning: None

Tensai – Upon returning to the WWE, A-Train as Lord Tensai was supposed to be pushed to the moon. However, they debuted him the same night that Brock Lesnar returned, with the worst look in wrestling history. Now, his winning streak is over, he’s considered a “flop,” and he probably won’t even be “Tensai” much longer. A-Train was an upper midcarder in his heyday; I have no idea why WWE thought that now, in his 40’s, he would be any more believable as a main eventer. I don’t think he’ll be in either ladder match, and honestly his days in WWE may be numbered unless his gimmick changes ASAP. Chance of Winning: None

Teddy Long – I want Teddy to win just so we can see him do his awesome dance. Chance of Winning: None

Titus O’Neil – I’m a pretty big fan of The Prime Time Players, but I can’t see Titus O’Neil as a main eventer, now or ever. Maybe he’ll capture midcard gold at some point, but I can’t see him capturing the briefcase. Chance of Winning: None

Trent Baretta – I swear, WWE just keeps some of these guys under contract so they can write them off on their taxes or something. Chance of Winning: None

Triple H – Though he likely won’t be in either match, I could see ol’ Paul, in all of his egotistical glory, somehow giving himself BOTH briefcases and then winning every championship WWE has to offer. I kid, I kid. In all likelihood, HHH won’t be capturing a briefcase, as he is squarely on the list of guys who doesn’t need it. But WWE has done stranger, stupider things in the past, as I keep reiterating… Chance of Winning: Highly Unlikely

Tyler Reks – I absolutely love Tyler Reks. His look is awesome, he’s a big, burly dude, and his repertoire is pretty impressive. When he debuted in 2010, it seemed as though WWE was pushing him. Then he just fell. And he’s never managed to claw his way back up. He and Curt Hawkins have been getting substantially more TV time recently, but they’re not actually, you know, wrestling. Hopefully, Reks will get out of this pit of despair one day, but until then, he sits squarely at the bottom of the barrel. Chance of Winning: None

Tyson Kidd – Here’s another guy who’s absent due to his partner’s injury. Justin Gabriel and Kidd were supposed to form a tag team and capture the titles. Then Gabriel got hurt. Kidd isn’t doing much until Gabriel gets back. A few years back, when people actually cared about Tyson Kidd, I could see him as a possible threat to win this. Now? Not so much. Chance of Winning: None

The Undertaker – Taker, at this point in his WWE tenure, is pretty much a special attraction, only utilized when WWE wants a ton of views or pay per view buys. They won’t be using him for something like Money in The Bank, and his championship holding days are over anyway. Chance of Winning: None

Wade Barrett – Here’s the guy that has the biggest shot at capturing the ‘case. Why, you may ask? Because the MiTB match was actually taken off the freaking card at WrestleMania because of Wade’s injury! They so want him to be the one holding it that they opted to just not have the match rather than give it to somebody who wasn’t Wade Barrett. I couldn’t endorse this decision more. Wade Barrett is one of the best all around talents in the company. His look is great. He’s an awesome talker. His in-ring skill has always been decent, but has also improved steadily since his debut. He’s also got midcard credibility due to his IC title run, and was a bonafide main eventer two years ago. The only issue is this: He may not be back from his injury (Which is obviously much more severe than initially thought) in time for the MiTB PPV. I hope he is, because I’m totally ready for Wade as World Champ. The best part though? WWE wants to feud him with CM Punk upon giving him the briefcase. Awesome. Chance of Winning: Highly Likely

William Regal – I’m pretty sure Regal is just a glorified announcer at this point. I love the guy, he’s awesome. He just isn’t exactly a name you see on pay per views these days. Chance of Winning: None

Yoshi Tatsu – I’m sure Tatsu has his share of fans. I’m not a huge proponent of him. Most casual fans probably don’t remember who he is. Add the handicap of not being American, and you’ve got a guy that will almost certainly never hold a midcard belt, let alone the world title. Chance of Winning: None

Zack Ryder – I’m sure all of the idiots who love him would have an orgasm at the thought of this glorified jobber winning the briefcase, but try to be realistic for once in your life. A guy who’s never on TV, and couldn’t even hold the US title for more than a few weeks isn’t going to get pushed any time soon. I assume he’ll be in one of the matches, but Ryder’s star fell months ago, mostly due to the fanbase that didn’t actually watch TV once he was pushed. Chance of Winning: None

Well, this took a lot out of me. The scary part is that of the 60+ people mentioned, only THREE have a real shot at winning: Ziggler, Barrett, and Rhodes. That’s not good when your roster encompasses so many. Perhaps things will change over the next few months; someone new will get pushed. Someone getting pushed will get hurt. We can’t predict the future. But as of right now, the pool of winners doesn’t exactly look large.

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