The Wrestling Genius: When a Knockout Isn’t a Knockout
Apparently, a knockout blow means using the same tired old rhymes and pathetic attempts at gay and self-pleasure jokes. Okay now I’ll admit that I’m not that into the hip-hop rap community, but I have seen a few rap battles and last I checked what Cena did on Monday would have gotten him booed off the stage at any other venue outside of a WWE ring. It was in my opinion a terrible attempt at smacking back at the rock. So, congratulations to John Cena for “knocking out” The Rock (sarcasm heavily implied, I’m pointing that out because I’ve used sarcasm several times before and I’ve gotten a few emails where people didn’t seem to get that). I praised Cena a few weeks back for his promo, and I even went as far as to say that I actually enjoyed it, which isn’t something I’ve said about a Cena promo in a long time. Wouldn’t you know it he comes out two weeks later and does the same act we just saw. Now you can say The Rock’s promo was the same tired act we have seen from him a million times before, and you would be correct in saying that. However I just cannot get tired of The Rock’s promos, to me they are just as entertaining now as they were ten years ago. Because he is the Jabroni beating, pie eating, trail blazing, eyebrow raising, People champ. The Rock is one of a kind, just like Stone Cold (we will get to him in a bit), and The Undertaker, John Cena is a dime a dozen easily replaceable super hero babyface. There is nothing that stands out about John Cena, he is Hogan 2.0, only without an ego the size The Great Khali’s forehead. I still have no idea what the appeal of John Cena is, he is a mediocre in ring talent, his promos are as boring and repetitive as a Ke$ha song. The only part of the promo I enjoyed was when The Miz came out of nowhere and crushed Cena’s skull with the WWE title belt.
This brings me to The Miz who points out to us that he is the forgotten one in the Cena/Rock feud. The Miz who in my opinion has gotten better than ever over the past few weeks delivered a very good short promo after his attack on Cena. The Miz pumped a little life into what has to be considered the most over looked main event at Wrestlemania. With all the hoopla surrounding The Rock and Cena, the WWE made a few of us forget that it wasn’t going to be those two squaring off at Wrestlemania. It will be The Miz and Cena who get that honor, and I’m not afraid to say that this match could be very entertaining. Now I know neither of these guys are going to run a wrestling clinic, but the match itself has enough intrigue around to make it worth watching. Adding The Rock to the match should add an element of surprise to the match, but too much Rock and he could over-shadow a Wrestlemania main event, which would just be wrong. The creative team is walking a fine line here, in that they need The Rock involved in this match to make it better, but they don’t want to make The Miz and Cena match itself an afterthought. The Miz has now two weeks in a row ‘knocked out’ Cena, making himself a viable threat, whereas before these last two attacks I had the feeling no one thought The Miz had a chance. By getting rid of A-Ry, having him win a few matches without outside interference, and giving him a bit of an edge over the last few weeks makes people think that this match won’t be as one sided as we all thought. While I still feel Cena will win, unfortunately, I think that by creative coming up with a few new tweaks to The Miz they have made him into a real champion capable of defeating the mighty Cena.
Okay moving on from Cena and onto a segment, I actually enjoyed on Raw, The Undertaker’s promo. Taker’s promo from Smackdown was good, but his promo on Monday was one of the better promos I’ve seen him do in a long time. He was in control of the room; he seemed to underline what the match meant to both men better than he did on Smackdown. While I hate the “Last Outlaw” moniker, I enjoy the rest of the Undertaker vs. HHH buildup. The video of Taker beating Shawn from the last two Wrestlemania was done well, just like everything else WWE’s production company has done lately. I haven’t seen a bad video in a while from WWE. Which was something TNA was doing better than the WWE for a long time, but now I’d say they are neck and neck, in not only telling a great story in a short amount of time, but the choice of music is so key to those that you can easily screw them up. One key thing to come out of the Undertaker’s promo was that the match at Wrestlemania will be a no holds barred street fight. The reason for the switch to this match format is that neither is at 100% and creative feels that adding a few big impact moves with weapons will lessen the load of actual wrestling on both men. Not to mention it is just a great idea to have two big power houses be able to go at each other without any rules. Of course, this is the PG era so a no holds barred match is not what it used to be. Trust me this will not be HHH vs. Cactus Jack at Royal Rumble 2000, which in my opinion is one of the greatest street fights of all time. Right place, right wrestlers, right time made that match iconic and unforgettable. No, The Undertaker/HHH street fight will be entertaining but it will by no means be at that level of hardcore wrestling.
I couldn’t be the only one that was excited to see JBL back on Raw was I. JBL was one of the best heel champions we had the last decade, and he was even better as an announcer. Therefore, when Cole dooped a live crowd into believing Stone Cold was coming out, and then it was JBL instead I probably was the only excited. Which really live crowd? Really? You really thought Cole was going to bring out Stone Cold, really? (Yeah I went Miz on you I was feeling it) I’ve been watching wrestling most of my life and I have always been amazed at how easy it is for a heel to trick a live crowd. There wasn’t a person in the building that I could see that wasn’t expecting Stone Cold to come out. Now come on people let’s think for just a second. Has Cole done anything fan friendly in the last year? Has he ever liked Stone Cold, or has he been on the receiving end of a few stunners, so he may have a bias against Austin. I’m tired of live crowds not being held accountable for being so stupid, and so easily tricked by heels. Get your acts together wrestling fans, if you are going to go to a live wrestling event please for the love of God always be skeptical, of course that is just great advice in general. Put that advice in your back pocket for safekeeping and bring it out often, never forget people lie, especially wrestling heels.
All right got that little tangent out of the way back to the JBL. I was surprised to see him come out, but I was more surprised that he came out just to take a stunner from Austin. I don’t know if this is the last we’ll see of JBL or if maybe he is going to be involved in the match in some way but I found it odd that he would agree to come back after being gone so long just to be stunned. I found it more stunning that Austin didn’t cut a promo of any enjoyable length. Am I excited to have him be the special guest referee, of course I am. Stone Cold and The Rock will be on the same Wrestlemania card since Wrestlemania 20 when Austin was a guest referee and The Rock was teaming up with Foley to take on Evolution. Adding two huge names from wrestling’s past has not only added excitement to what was shaping up to be a boring Wrestlemania, but it is also giving the younger crowd an opportunity to see these two icons up close and personal for the first time ever. Stone Cold didn’t deliver a huge promo, but he certainly got over quickly with a stunner on both Cole and JBL. Not to mention he also chugged a few Keystone Lights (come on Steve you can afford better), and he raised some general Hell, something the WWE has been lacking as of late. Stone Cold like The Rock adds another layer of intrigue to a match that would have otherwise been boring to watch. I mean I for one wasn’t excited to see Michael Cole take on The King, but with Stone Cold added to the mix I am now looking forward to the match.
Anyone that knows me knows I am a major sucker for documentaries. I watched every single ESPN 30 for 30, which if you haven’t seen any of them you need to at least see:
3. The U: An awesome looking into Miami’s run at the top of college football, and their cultural impact on the game itself. It was super entertaining and I can honestly say I hate Miami more than ever now.
2. Without Bias: An in-depth look into the life and death of one of the most promising young athletes in college history. Due to his premature death from drugs, he never reach his full potential.
1. 4 Days in October: By far my favorite and not just because I hate the Yankees and I enjoyed watching them go down in flames. It is an interesting documentary because the ball players themselves shoot half the footage from hand held cameras. Very interesting look into that series.
Okay I bring up documentaries because I just watch The Big Shows documentary: A Giants World. While the title is lacking a little creativity the documentary itself is very interesting, and gives you a glimpse into how tough it really is to be as large as the World’s Largest Athlete. The things we take for granted like being able to walk down the street without being stared at, being able to go on a plane and not have to somehow fit into not just two seats but sometimes three seats. There is a point in the documentary where you get to see his awesome bus that is his home for over 200 wrestling dates a year. It is worth a watch if, especially if you have Netflix, you don’t get the matches on the Netflix version but you get the very good documentary.
Thanks again to everyone who has written me emails or commented on my columns. I just want to clear one thing up real quick and that is no I do not in fact think I am a genius. It is a very tongue and cheek name I gave myself because I thought it would be funny. However it seems to have made a few of you think I’m a pompous jackass, when in fact that might be true, it isn’t because I call myself a genius, or because I’m right all the time. Like I said it’s a playful moniker I gave myself when I started writing because I was told I had to have a title, so I went for the most ridiculous name over the top name I could that was fun for me. If you wish to email me please do so firstname.lastname@example.org
While I normally don’t do this I told my good friend Tom and Tony I would. If you like metal please check out their awesome band at http://www.purevolume.com/broadwaymob. Trust me its worth your time if you enjoy metal as much as I do. These guys can tear a house down, please check them out and become fans if you like them.
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