TNA Impact Wrestling Results – May 16, 2013
We start off looking at last week’s events surrounding the six man main event, including the fight between Kurt Angle and AJ Styles, and the return of Abyss.
We go to the ring where Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring and says he’s shocked that AJ Styles walked away, but he’s proud that Angle took the fight to him and tells AJ to enjoy Aces & Eights if that’s what he wants because he’s putting AJ in the ring with Kurt Angle at Slammiversary. Speaking of Slammiversary, we’ll have the contract signing for the main event between Sting and Bully Ray right here tonight. Hogan’s not ashamed to say that Team TNA has been under the microscopr lately, but Abyss came to the rescue last week and Hogan wants to call him out here and thank him face to face. Abyss’ music hits and Hogan says to come out so he can thank him, but Abyss doesn’t show. Instead, his brother Joseph Park comes out to the ring and tells Hulk that he sat home last week on his couch and watched in shock and amazement as his brother returned to Impact Wrestling. He couldn’t believe that Abyss finally showed up the one week he was home recovering from a beating, but Hulk says he’s not playing, they need Abyss and he’s the one person who would know where he is. Devon and D-Lo Brown crash the party and Devon says they want the same thing, and Abyss wasn’t even in the match and couldn’t legally tag in, so he wants Hogan to get Abyss down here so he can take a chunk out of his ass. Park asks Devon who the hell he thinks he is talking to Hulk like that, Devon tells “Fat Boy” to get out of his face, so Park says that if Devon and Bubba are going to talk about family business, Abyss would be here if Aces & Eights didn’t take him out. Park’s had it with them, they’re starting to piss him off, and he challenges Devon to a match right now. Park tears his jacket off and gets ready to fight, but Devon asks him who he ever beat and, if he wants a match with Devon, to beat some people and earn it. D-Lo tells Devon to let him take Park out, Hogan thinks that’s a great idea and makes the match, and Devon says that’s fine but to tell Abyss that he will take a chunk out of his ass when he finds him. Hogan makes it real easy and says that after Park beats D-Lo, Hogan will give him the green light to take Devon out whenever he wants, and he tells Devon to testify to that, BROTHER.
The Dumbass Cameraman catches up backstage with James Storm and asks for comments on what happened last week and what his plans are for revenge. He keeps prodding Storm when he doesn’t say anything, so Storm finally stands up and looks right at him and says “Watch.”
Christian York talks about his opportunity in the Gut Check, how he never stops learning even after all his years in the business, and how he got into the business to be a World Champion and he hopes to get the chance to earn that starting tonight.
Bobby Roode vs Chavo Guerrero, Jr
They do some basic stuff to start as Chavo and Roode exchange takedowns and hiptosses, Chavo takes Roode out to the floor with a headscissors, but gets tripped on a moonsault attempt and Roode rams him into the barricade. Roode unloads with punch nad kick stuff, Chavo tries a tornado DDT and Roode blocks, so Chavo hits the Three Amigos and goes up top for the frogsplash. Roode shakes the ropes and Chavo falls out to the floor as James Storm comes out to the ring and spews beer in Roode’s face to cause a DQ.
Winner: Bobby Roode by DQ
Storm stands over Roode as he rolls around the mat in agony, and he stares Roode down as he rolls out of the ring before heading to the back looking REALLY pissed off.
Kurt Angle is backstage, and he’s…WALKING!
After a look back at last week’s fight between AJ Styles and Kurt Angle, Angle comes out to the ring and says that he went after AJ because he pissed him off, and now that Hulk’s made the match, it’s going to be him and AJ Styles one more time. Only thing is he doesn’t want to wait until Slammiversary, so he tells AJ to come out and fight him right now. The Aces & Eights music hits, and instead of AJ, Ken Anderson comes out to the ring and tells Angle to get it through his skull that AJ is not his boy. Anderson is proud to tell everyone that next Thursday in Tampa, we will all get to witness the patching in of AJ Styles, and he dares Angle to show up and get destroyed. Angle stops to think about this one, then says he doesn’t want to wait to fight and attacks Anderson. AJ comes out through the crowd while Angle’s beating Anderson up, Anderson bails as Angle turns around and goes face to face with AJ. AJ smiles and shakes his head at Angle, then lays him out with a leaping enziguiri as Anderson cheers him on from ringside. Anderson applauds AJ as he walks out…without Anderson.
Jay Bradley talks about how he was always the star athlete with the hot girlfriend, and he always wanted to do whatever it took to be the World Champion. He’s here to make an impact and his time is coming.
Gut Check Qualifier Tournament First Round: Jay Bradley vs Christian York
The winner goes on to face the winner of the other qualifier later tonight between Sam Shaw and Alex Silva. Bradley takes York to the corner and shoves on the break, but York takes him down and wrestles circles around him. York maintains control until Bradley pops York up into the air and York comes down on his face, then Bradley grounds York with a chinlock. York catches Bradley with a leaping enziguiri out of nowhere, headscissors him into the middle turnbuckle, and hits a rolling cannonball in the corner. Bradley escapes the Mood Swing and trades blows with York, York hits a series of kicks but Bradley takes his head off with the Boom Stick and picks up the win.
Winner: Jay Bradley
Good win by Bradley, but York has lost all his momentum after the first few matches he had around the time he got hired. Christy Hemme catches up with Bradley in the aisle and asks what it means to win tonight, and Bradley says it means he is one step closer to the Bound For Glory Series and one step closer to winning the TNA World Title.
Gail Kim is backstage, and she’s…WALKING!
The Dumbass Cameraman catches up with James Storm last night, and he says that Roode told him that his actions will have repercussions. He said it’s a joke that his actions are the only ones which apparently have repercussions, but to keep watching and see what else he does tonight.
We go to the Aces & Eights clubhouse where Anderson is telling the crew that he can’t wait to patch AJ Styles in next week, then he asks D-Lo Brown what he plans to do tonight. D-Lo vehemently says he’s going to kick Joseph Park’s ass tonight, and Anderson rallies the troops and they head out.
Brooke Hogan is backstage telling Mickie James how awesome she thinks she is, and Mickie thanks her and says she would have preferred a bigger spotlight at Slammiversary. Brooke says she had to let Gail and Taryn to their thing, but she knows how important it is to Mickie to be back at the top of the division and gives her another title shot with Velvet next week. Bully Ray comes in and gets right in Brooke’s face and says to tell “dad” that when he gets out there with Sting tonight, it’ll be less of a contract signing and more of a contract negotiation. Brooke asks why he doesn’t negotiate a divorce, and Bubba says he’ll never, ever divorce her.
Gail Kim vs Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky
This is non-title. They go back and forth until Velvet hits a snap suplex and unloads with some forearms and a bulldog. Velvet hits a flying headscissors and a running forearm in the corner, but Gail goes after Velvet’s bad knee and turns the tide instantly. Gail spends the next several minutes picking Velvet’s leg apart and gets her in a half crab, but Velvet makes the rope. Gail goes to the top and Velvet slams her off, but Gail goes right back to the knee. Gali easily blocks In Your Face, but Velvet gets a quick rollup out of nowhere and gets the fall.
Winner: Velvet Sky
Gail attacks Velvet immediately after the match, drags her to the corner, and gets the ringpost figure four.
We get comments from Chris Sabin, Kenny King, and Petey Williams aabout tonight’s three way match for the X Division Title.
We see a video package of Suicide, who is on his way back to Impact Wrestling!
X Division Title Match: Kenny King vs Chris Sabin vs Petey Williams
I wonder if anyone remembers the long history between Sabin and Williams? They circle each other briefly until King slides out under the bottom rope and lets Sabin and Wiliams fight. They go at it until Sabin dumps Williams to the floor and King sneaks in to try and cheapshot Sabin. Sabin sees him coming and unloads on the champion until King hits a cartwheel kick, then Williams comes in and takes both men out before covering Sabin for 2.
You know what, screw this match. This is in no way directed at Kenny, Chris, or Petey since they can only work with what they’re given to work with, but it’s a damn crime to take guys this talented and throw them into a BS spotfest match like this. Not that they can’t do it because they obviously can, but this freakin’ three way match gimmick they stuck on the X Division as attempt #12343456346423 to do something different with it has done nothing but make everyone in the division out to be dumbasses who can’t do anything but spots. I’m sorry for the editorial, but I’ve seen all three guys do stuff so far beyond what they’re able to in this environment that it actually pisses me off because it wastes their potential and makes newer TNA fans think this is all they can do. Since they treat this division like a dump where they can throw anyone under 230 pounds to do spotfests, I’m done recapping this.
King wins after hitting the Royal Flush on Williams, once THE guy in the division and a surefire future star until they made him Scott Steiner, Jr until he left. Now due to the stupid rules the X Division has been stuck with, this former flagbearer of the division is eliminated from title contention since he was pinned, which is TNA code for “he’s off TV for months until we need him to come back and either put someone over or be the flavor of the month PPV challenger.”
Winner: Kenny King
The X Division is treated with such respect in 2013 that they instantly cut away to go backstage to Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian, two guys who are lucky enough to not be in the X Division anymore. They’re talking about what a jerk James Storm is for costing them their title shot, and Kazarian says that Daniels has Hernandez tonight and he knows that Storm is horrifed of them.
D-Lo Brown is backstage with Ken Anderson and thanks him for stopping Bubba from caving his skull in last week. Anderson says he didn’t do it for him, he did it for the club. D-Lo says stuff has been spiraling out of control, and Anderson says they’ve been spiraling out of control since he burief Garett and Wes, two young guys trying to make their way. D-Lo says he’s going to make it right, and Anderson says he’s pulling for him.
Hernandez vs Christopher Daniels
Hernandez totally overpowers Daniels to start the match, pummeling him and then popping him up into a delayed vertical suplex. Hernandez hits an over the shoulder backbreaker and then goes up the rampway to hit the charging dive over the ropes. Kazarian trips Hernandez from the floor to allow Daniels to hit the STO and finally build some momentum. Daniels hits a side bulldog for 2, but Hernandez rolls out to the ring apron and hits another slingshot shoulderblock over the top rope. Hernandez hiptosses Daniels across the ring and goes for the Stinger Splash, Kazarian pulls Daniels out of the way and Hernandez hits the corner. Daniels goes for Angel’s Wings, but stops when he sees James Storm coming down the ramp. Kazarian runs for his life as a distracted Daniels gets Pounced into next week and pinned.
Storm has a microphone and says that he just left Hulk Hogan’s office, and Hogan said there will be repercussions of his actions. Hogan told him to go out and announce that Chavo and Hernandez would be defending the tag title against Aries & Roode and Daniels & Kazarian…and another guy who knows a thing about tag team wrestling, James Storm, and a partner of his choice, so he’s sorry about their damn luck.
D-Lo Brown vs Joseph Park
D-Lo suckers Park in and hits a boot to the gut before unloading with right hands and slamming Park in an impressive feat of strength. Park ducks a shot and fires back on D-Lo, they go out to the floor where D-Lo slams Park’s face into the ring apron before they head back inside and D-Lo dropkicks Park’s knee out from under him and hitting a Shining Wizard. D-Lo hits a sliding lariat and a leg lariat, but Park is busted open and loses his mind once he sees his own blood. He tears through D-Lo and hits the Black Hole Slam for the win.
Winner: Joseph Park
Well, D-Lo Brown main events Impact and once again has the best match on the show when he’s supposed to be a retired guy getting forced back into the ring.
It’s time for the contract signing for the Slammiversary main event, and Jeremy Borash introduces TNA World Champion Bully Ray, who ejects him from the ring before taking the microphone to remind us that he defeated Jeff Hardy and took him out in Full Metal Mayhem, and says he’ll also defeat Sting at Slammiversary. He knows Sting is back there listening, but like he told Brooke earlier on, this will be more of a negotiation than a signing, so since Sting has things Bubba knows he wants to say to him, he tells Sting to come on out here, BROTHER. Bubba tells Sting to stand back because he wants to make this official, and he tells “dad” Hulk Hogan to come on out here. Hogan comes out and Bubba says this is the first time they’ve been face to face since he screwed Hulk and Sting over, and everyone knows how bad he was screwing Hulk’s daughter over. Bubba’s not giving Sting an apology, but Sting says he’s not looking for an apology, he tells Bubba that he should break his arm, dislocated his elbows and knees, rip his throat out, gouge his eyes, and make him bleed. Bubba asks Sting why he would tell him to do those things to him, and Sting says that if he doesn’t do it to him, he’s going to do it to Bubba. He doesn’t care if it’s in the ring, out of the ring, in the concession stand, in the crowd, or anywhere else, because he’s going to make Bubba bleed in Boston. Sting doesn’t have any demands, but since Bubba wants them, he says he wants a No Holds Barred match in Boston. Bubba says Sting probably thinks he has him where he wants him and he knows the fans want to watch Sting make him bleed, and he says that Sting has his No Holds Barred match, but only on the condition that he agrees that when Bubba beats him in Boston, he never wrestles for the World Title again. Hogan tells Bubba to hold on, but Bubba tells him to shut up because he’s not done yet. He’s not telling Sting he has to retire, he doesn’t want Sting to retire, he wants Sting to have to wrestle until the day he dies knowing he can never win the World Title again. Hogan tells Sting he doesn’t have to do this, but Bubba tells Sting that once again, Hogan is running his career for him and telling him what to do. He tells Sting to man up and asks Sting if he accepts the terms, and of course Sting says yes. Bubba shoves Sting, and they 3wind up trading blows in the middle of the ring as we call it a week.
(Credit: Stuart Carapola, PWInsider)
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