Raw Review – December 20, 2010
-So I was all set to review the TLC PPV last night until my cable box decided to rebel against me and all my actions….it’s a shame because a couple of the matches really delivered. I don’t like how their booking Miz right now though, as he needs a big marquee win to cement him as World Champion. Right now, he’s just a sneak attack artist who needs the help of a curtain jerker in all his matches.
-For my fellow hockey fans out there, how awesome is HBO’s 24/7 series on the Pens and Caps? Not only does Bruce Boudreau come off like a fat, humpty dumpty-like idiot who can’t even curse properly but the Penguins seem like the best organization in sports. And while Sidney Crosby is clearly the best player in the universe right now, the real star of the show was Max Talbot’s unreal Christmas sweater….
The popped collar really ties it all together
-LIVE! from Austin, TX (where everything is bigger, especially the women)
-The Miz hits the ring to gloat like a good heel but Alex Riley interrupts dressed as…the Ghost of Christmas Past (he’s actually dressed as Jacob Marley but I don’t expect anyone on the creative team to be smart enough to know the difference). More silliness as Michael Cole comes out as the Ghost of Christmas Present and CM Punk sarcastically mocks the show while under the guise of putting it over. Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come looks an awful lot like my FAVORITE MARK EVER and warns about number 1 contender John Morrison. Speaking of Morrison, him and his subpar mic skills interrupt the proceedings and KO Riley. Sheamus comes from nowhere and lays out Morrison, triggering an email from the Raw GM that books Riley, Sheamus, & Miz vs. Morrison, Lawler, & Orton. I can dig it.
-Apparently, John Cena is BACK tonight. Doesn’t someone have to, you know, LEAVE before they can be considered “back”? Is this just a running joke with the creative team at this point? There’s no way Michael Hayes signed off on this shit, is there?
#1 Contender’s Match
Melina vs. Alicia Fox vs. Eve
Natalya, getting more attractive by the day, is on commentary because it’s not like she could possibly drag it down any lower. Alicia displays how much she absolutely sucks in the opening segment until the faces beat her down and they exchange rollups for near falls. Alicia gets a powerbomb out of the corner for two but Eve kicks her down and hits a standing moonsault for two. Melina returns and tries a superplex on Eve but Alicia wakes up and tries for a Doomsday Device but Melina ducks under Eve’s attack with a victory roll and gets the pin on Alicia.
-Alicia Fox has the wrestling talent of my left nut sack and dragged the match totally down at the beginning. The finishing spot was kinda cool and that’s good enough for *1/4. Melina slaps Natalya in the face after the match….THAT’S the heel turn?? Totally stupid. So Melina was all smiles and pandering to the crowd the entire match until Natalya got in the ring and suddenly she’s a bitchy heel? What sense does that make? This shit really isn’t hard but this company seems determined to make it as difficult as possible. Honestly though, these broads don’t draw a dime anyways, so who cares.
-Backstage, the Bellas are still sluts and Daniel Bryan is still a putz.
-Cole lets us know that Nexus won’t be here tonight because John Cena destroyed them last night. Welcome to the midcard boys, enjoy those tag titles that mean absolutely jack shit.
Daniel Bryan vs. William Regal
They chain wrestle to start to show off Bryan’s skills as Punk tells King to shut up when he starts talking about John Cena. Bryan kicks the shit out of Regal in the corner but gets caught with a right forearm for two. Regal works a headlock in a nice little wrestling sequence and puts Bryan down again to work a full nelson. Bryan breaks and they have a yay-boo European uppercut slugfest (first time I’ve seen that), won by Regal, who tries the Regal Stretch, but Bryan hangs on, fights Regal to the mat, and applies the LaBell Lock for the win.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
-Sports-entertainment fans were probably bored to death but I love solid mat wrestling like this, even if it’s a short little TV match like this **1/4. The Bella Sluts both kiss Bryan afterwards because making Daniel Bryan’s character simply a great wrestler would make far too much sense.
-Meanwhile, Randy Orton tells John Morrison not to trust him.
-Still meanwhile, Maryse and Tamina end up arguing while standing on Santino’s back…hilarity ensues.
Santino & Tamina vs. Ted DiBiase & Maryse
Santino is still hobbled from both divas standing on his back in the previous segment…(say it slowly now) ha…ha…ha. The pigtails look on Tamina is kinda hot and kind of off-putting at the same time. Tamina cracks Santino’s back to get him ready to go but he immediately gets clobbered and standing dropkick gets two. Santino fights out of a chinlock and preps the Cobra but Maryse tags in and Tamina hits a superkick. DiBiase gets distracted with Santino’s shenanigans and a Superfly Splash finishes off Maryse.
Winners: Santino & Tamina
-Match was just a pointless comedy match but I still don’t get the constant jobbing of DiBiase *.
-John Cena hits the ring and makes his epic return after a whole SIX DAYS OFF OF RAW…my God, how did we survive? He gloats about getting rid of Nexus and promises to win the Royal Rumble but Vickie Guerrero decides to venture out for some laughs. OK, I have to admit…the crowd booing the shit out of Vickie every single time she opened her mouth was pretty damn funny. Let me just say that the finish of the IC Title match last night at TLC was one of the dumbest in recent years. Someone can just grab the title while laying on the mat? Doesn’t that completely negate the whole concept of a ladder match? Anyways, Lawler and Cena take turns making fat jokes at Vickie until she slaps Cena, giving us…
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena
Stall city to start until Dolph takes control and hammers away in the corner but Cena decides to stop selling until he missing a blind charge. Lots of punchy-kicky crap from Dolph as it’s pretty clear he doesn’t know how to to work Cena but the crowd is still into it despite of that. Gutwrench gets two for Cena but he gets caught with his head down and a kick to the face gets two. Cena goes for the AA out of nowhere but Dolph turns it into an X-Factor for two and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
Best reality show on television
We return with both guys clotheslining each other for the double KO and Dolph recovers first with a jawbreaker for two. Standing dropkick gets another near fall but he goes to the well once too often and misses the next dropkick, triggering the SOS comeback. Attitude Adjustment is countered to the Is This 1959 Sleeperhold but Cena fights out and locks on the STF for the tap out….but Vickie is distracting the referee. Cena argues but walks into a Fameasser (is Dolph just swiping finishing moves from the late 90s as his offense now? Cause that would probably work) for two. Dolph tries to nail Cena with the IC belt but he ducks it and an AA is good enough for the win.
Winner: John Cena
-Good TV match but this is the exact reason why no one gives a shit about the secondary titles. Should have gone with DQ finish so that Ziggler didn’t come off looking like a joke. CM Punk smacks Cena with a chair after the match and storms off some unexplained reason ***.
-After a break, Punk says the chairshot was a taste of Cena’s own medicine.
-Meanwhile, King Lawler meets King Sheamus and they discuss the ramifications of the British Raj on the development of India as a democracy…..nah, actually they threaten to beat each other up.
-Still meanwhile, Vickie has decided to book John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler and herself tomorrow on Smackdown….ok?
The Miz, Alex Riley & Sheamus vs. John Morrison, Jerry Lawler, & Randy Orton
Orton dominates Riley to start and brings in Morrison who hits a hard clothesline and tags in Lawler for his great worked punches. Isn’t it sad when your color commentator throws the best worked punch in the promotion? Miz runs away when Orton tags back in and WHAT WILL HAPPEN? FIND OUT NEXT!!!
Pictured: Why Hugh Laurie rocks
We return with Lawler getting his ass kicked but Sheamus misses a charge to the corner and it’s hot tag Morrison, who immediately re-injures his knee from last night. he still manages to hit the flash kick but he takes too long on Starship Pain and Sheamus dumps him head-first to the mat. The heels switch off on the new face-in-peril and work the injured knee as Morrison does a good job of selling it. Morrison finally manages to kick Miz to the outside, giving himself an opening but the champion cuts him off in a good hope spot. Sheamus stiffly works over Morrison and then locks on some hold that looks for all intents and purposes like he’s stretching Morrison’s leg before a track meet. Not too good there, fellah.
Single leg crab continues to hurt the knee but an Orton cheapshot breaks it up and gives Morrison time to recover with a kick to the face. Finally, it’s a HOT tag to Randy Orton who uses the Angle Slam yet again in a weird spot and hits the hangman’s DDT on Miz for two, broken by Sheamus. Morrison gets rid of the Irishman and Orton hits Riley with the RKO before Lawler tags himself in for some revenge. Miz looks to finish with the Skull Crushing Finale but Orton sneaks back in with another RKO and Lawler gets the pin to end things.
Winner: Randy Orton, Jerry Lawler, & John Morrison
-A nice, hot six-man with solid work from everyone involved but I REALLY don’t understand continuing the Miz-Lawler feud when one of the guys is a non-wrestler. The Mystery GM books Miz vs. Orton for tomorrow night on Smackdown and the crowd approves of that one. Call the whole thing ***1/4.
Well, it was better than last week but I’ve had farts that were better than last week’s show. The hot crowd definitely helped things and we had three solid matches, so there’s really nothing to complain about this week. I didn’t like the jobbing of Dolph to Cena and Miz to Lawler but I guess those are minor points because they’ve been doing that shit for years. Call it a thumbs up this week and a step forward towards the Royal Rumble.
Let’s go Pens.