-We are TAPED! from Liverpool, England (home of bad teeth and REALLY bad teeth)
-Of course, John Cena kicks us off and pimps WrestleMania like it’s a local show at a VFW. Hey, here’s a hard sell for Survivor Series as well in case we missed all those print ads for the past 4 months. He also promises to team with a future Hall of Famer against Miz and R-Truth tonight.
Before Cena can start telling people about the next DVD releases, Awesome Truth interrupts and goes through their normal heel schtick. The heels attack Cena and lay in a beat down before Zack Ryder makes the save to a pretty good reaction…WWWYKI.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison
WWE is actually acknowledging how much jobbing Morrison has done lately. Morrison works a hammerlock but a sloppy rollup gets two and they exchange headlocks. Morrison hits a flapjack for one but Dolph comes back with a jawbreaker and an elbowdrop for two. Morrison avoids a charge to the corner and hits a kick but Dolph pops up and nails him with a clothesline for a near fall and we go to break…
REALLY?!? Do we need another segment dedicated to Job Morrison? Come on now…
We return with Ziggler in control and Michael Cole guaranteeing that Morrison’s losing streak will continue, thus ensuring that Morrison gets a fluke win. Dolph drops another elbow and hits a standing dropkick for two then follows with a neckbreaker.
Ziggler makes the mistake of badmouthing Morrison a little too much and gets beaten down in the corner but Dolph catches him with an elbow in the mouth for two. Ziggler works a chinlock and Morrison gets a quick rollup off that but Ziggler stays in control and works the neck.
Morrison finally mounts his comeback with a catapult to the corner and a pair of clotheslines. Morrison floats into a DDT for two but Starship Pain misses. They exchange rollup attempts and Ziggler hits a Rocker Dropper (called a scissors kick by the ever-astute Lawler) but that only gets two.
Morrison surprises Ziggler with the flash kick but Vickie has the referee. Ziggler attempts to attack from behind with a rollup but Morrison turns it into a crucifix pin for the win.
Winner: John Morrison
-I’m a Ziggler fan but I just don’t see what people see in Morrison…match was too long for what they were trying to do but both guys were game **.
-Regarding WWE 12’s new “bigger, badder, better” tagline…wasn’t that the line they used for WrestleMania III?
Mason Ryan vs. JTG
Holy crap…JTG still has a job? You can probably imagine what happens here as Ryan works JTG over with his boring power offense until a press slam leads to a full nelson bomb for the win.
Winner: Mason Ryan
-Total squash of course 1/2*. Ryan is no where near ready for this push, so I’m sure we’re in for a few more weeks of him squashing jobbers and doing the same three moves the whole time.
-We return with Del Rio running down CM Punk and the British crowd in such a cheap way that I thought I was back in Memphis in 1974. I’m surprised he didn’t turn to the crowd and scream “Shut up, fatboy!” at the front way. Del Rio tells Punk to cancel the Survivor Series match before he forces him to do it.
Punk responds in his normal style and lets Del Rio know that everyone at home fast forwards through him on the microphone and never miss a damn thing. It’s funny because it’s true. Punk decides not to cancel the match (with dramatics of course) and Del Rio immediately attacks. Punk gets him in the Anaconda Vise but Ricardo Rodriguez sacrifices himself and takes a GTS to allow the champ to escape.
-Recap of the Muppets appearing on Raw last week. Sadly, that’s been the most entertaining this show has been in about 6 months.
Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
Swagger works some amateur stuff while Lawler does a lame Penn State joke and Santino hammers away in the corner. Swagger catches him with a powerslam for two and hits a suplex while Cole laughs at more of Lawler’s unfunny jokes. Bobby Heenan honestly has to be pulling his hair out listening to this God-awful commentary.
Swagger misses a legdrop and Santino tries to mount his babyface comeback but is caught with a belly to belly suplex and tossed into the ring post. Swagger grabs the ankle lock and Santino taps out almost immediately.
Winner: Jack Swagger
-Yet another squash in a night of them, this is getting old *1/4.
-Meanwhile, we confirm that Kelly Kelly can indeed walk and smile at the same time.
-Jerry Lawler introduces Kelly Kelly to celebrate her being a Maxim cover model….woooooooow, can you believe it? Remember when these used to be Playboy cover shots and not some unfunny men’s magazine that airbrushes the crap out of every single person who appears in it.
Anyways, Beth Phoenix and Natalya come out and make some Barbie doll jokes. They confront her until Eve and Alicia Fox make the save by…staring. Wow, how intimidating. Anyways, they finally reveal the Maxim cover and it looks like Kelly in a bathing suit.
This was a total and complete waste of 5 minutes.
-Johnny Ace introduces Kevin Nash (with nWo music) for his interview as we recap Nash’s sledgehammer attack on HHH (the medic asking “does he have a pulse?” is so ridiculous). Nash says he owes no one an explanation for his actions (which means the creative team doesn’t have a good reason).
Anyways, he goes all the way back to 1995 (way to appeal to the new fans there, Kev) and talks about the Clique but jumps right to the 2011 Royal Rumble. He claims he called HHH after getting the biggest pop of the night asking to get the band back together (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) but didn’t get a response.
Nash is pissed about getting a stupid Legends contract and still thinks he can win a world title. So, to get a main event level match he attacked Hunter with a sledgehammer and ensured himself a PPV payday. Not a great explanation but at least we’re moving forward a bit in this seemingly never-ending storyline.
-Brodus Clay gets another hype video. They should just show him eating at a Chinese buffet…now THAT would be impressive.
-Meanwhile, Johnny Ace lets David Otunga know that Brodus will not be debuting tonight because England doesn’t deserve him. Maybe he didn’t ratings to sink like the Titanic, huh? CM Punk confronts both guys and knocks out Otunga. Del Rio uses the opportunity to attack from behind and the referees break it up.
Credit Johnny Ace for one funny line: “I said stop it, Alberto! Don’t make me take off my jacket!”
Awesome Truth vs. John Cena & Zack Ryder
Truth doesn’t fare well against Cena early so he brings in Miz but he does no better so Truth tries his luck one more time. Cena punks out Truth but the crowd wants Ryder so that’s what they get. They collide heads in a messed up spot but they redo it and Ryder hits a flapjack before sending Truth over the top to the floor and taking us to commercial. We return with Ryder handling the Miz and hitting a missile dropkick for two. Replays show that Truth hit really hard on the floor during his bump and probably knocked himself goofy…well, goofier. He definitely took that bump wrong but that could happen to anyone, just a common mistake.
Cena tags in and gets caught in the heel corner, becoming our Superman-in-peril for the heat segment. Truth hits a forward suplex for two and the Miz checks in with a running knee lift. Truth grabs a resthold to give the fans a chance to get into the heat stuff and Cena reverses, getting the hot tag to Ryder and making the British fans very happy.
Ryder cleans house on the heels and the faces actually hit a double Woo Woo Woo Kick. The referee gets occupied with getting Cena out of the ring though and an R-Truth cheap shot allows the heels to take over with a double gutbuster for two. Truth gets two off a missed dropkick and the heels hit a double flapjack, allowing Miz to stomp away.
Ryder looks to counter for a tag but Miz pops up with a clothesline and nails him in the corner as well. More heel double teaming leads to Ryder having to kick out of a running big boot and Truth grabs a sleeper to slow things down before the big finish.
Ryder fights his way out and they clothesline each other, finally allowing him to make the hot tag to Cena, who is indeed a house of fire and the faces hit a double Five Knuckle Shuffle. Damn, he’s giving a HUUUUUUUGE rub to Ryder in this match…Zack better by him dinner the rest of this road trip.
Truth and Ryder battle to the outside while Miz counters an Attitude Adjustment and hits a big boot. Miz goes for the pin and Truth holds Cena’s legs down to allow his partner to get the pin.
Winners: Awesome Truth
-The live crowd totally missed the finish but they were really hot for the match. It was really good of Cena to put over Ryder like he did as well, so I’ll call this one a success ***.