-By the way, I’m not buying for one second that Chris Jericho is done with WWE. There is NO chance.
-LIVE! from Indianapolis, IN (Home of the over-the-hill Colts)
-Randy Orton kicks us off but, before he can utter a word, Sheamus comes out to protest this miscarriage of justice. After some middle-school level insults, Mr. Mystery GM books them in a Hell in a Cell match at…well, Hell in a Cell. Kinda redundant, isn’t it? Sheamus demands the title back right then and there and Orton gives him an RKO instead. That’s not what he ask for at all! Silly Randy! Cole believes Randy hears voices in his head, I believe Cole hears Vince McMahon in his ear telling him how badly he sucks.
Drew McIntyre & Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Hart Dynasty is on commentary and Cole heels on them in a very awkward moment. This Cole shit has got to stop because it just comes out of left field sometimes. Cody makes an ass out of Santino so he tags out to Vlad and he jobs around with McIntyre. Santino decides it’s safe so he tags in and preps the Cobra…but earns a kick to the face for two. Santino plays face-in-peril as Cole and the Harts totally ignore the match and make fun of each other. Lukewarm tag to Vladdy triggers a brawl and McIntyre sneaks up behind Kozolv to hit the Future Shock for the win.
Winners: Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre
-That seriously was some of the most distracting commentary I’ve heard in a long time **1/4.
-The “Legendary” DVD is ALREADY available next Tuesday?!? Holy shit. I know they were planning to rush it out but NEXT WEEK?!? Even Suburban Commando got a longer run than that.
-Meanwhile, Zack Ryder is still bothering Edge but Daniel Bryan is trying to READ, Goddammit! Edge gets pissed and challenges him tonight because books are for…
Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison
So last night was Jericho’s last date, huh? I swear, people will believe anything if it’s on some rag website (except this one…of course). Jericho gets his ass kicked to start and tumbles to the outside where Morrison hits a plancha over the turnbuckles and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
Eat it, joke
We return with Jericho taking over after a cheapshot and an enzuigiri. Morrison hits the floor so Jericho adds some punishment and brings Morrison back in with a suplex for two. A brief comeback is stopped by a Jericho dropkick and he chokes out Mr. Abs on the ropes. Surprise small package gets two for Morrison but it only pisses off Jericho who clotheslines him down for two.
Morrison fights out of a chinlock and makes his comeback but misses a blind charge and takes a bulldog. Lionsault misses but so does the flash kick and Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho. Morrison fights to the ropes (crowd: “BOO!”) and they go into a pinfall reversal sequence but Morrison counters the Walls this time and hits Starship Pain for the win.
Winner: John Morrison
-Well, the Jericho losing streak continues and Morrison continues inching his way up the card. Not sure where they are going with this Jericho storyline but losing hardly damages his credibility anymore, so it’s fine. Good match too ***.
-Backstage, John Cena does a standup routine and promises to take out Wade Barrett tonight.
-The Miz joins us in the ring to let us know that he was INJURED last night and he did NOT tap out, no sir. He also decides to join Cole and King for commentary while Michael contains his giant erection.
Edge vs. Daniel Bryan
Bryan has Ride of the Valkyries as his new theme in an amusing little twist (Google it, you’ve heard it). Edge attacks immediately and drags Bryan to ringside where Daniel tastes the ring barrier. Back in, Bryan makes a brief comeback that is stopped by the Edge-O-Matic for two. Bryan fights out of a bearhug and hits a leg lariat for two. Bryan heads to the top but Edge catches him with a big boot and falls on his ass like a goof. Edge preps a spear but Bryan catches him and tries the LaBelle Lock which triggers an Alex Riley run-in. This gives Miz the chance to interfere and Edge hits the spear for the win.
-Saw the finish coming a mile away but it was totally necessary for the storyline. Good enough for what it was **1/2.
-BUT WAIT!…The Mystery Champion chimes in and says he is REVERSING the referee’s decision and awarding Bryan the match by DQ so…
Winner by DQ: Daniel Bryan
-Miz and Riley lay a lengthy beatdown on Bryan to further their issue and continue building Bryan as an underdog face.
Unified Divas Title
Layla vs. Melina
Michelle McCool and her MANLY voice join us on commentary. Melina hammers away in the corner but quickly gets dumped to the floor. Melina floors Layla with a right and chases away McCool before taking things back inside. Ugly dropkick hits but Layla hits exactly one offensive maneuver, an Osaka Street Cutter, and gets the pin.
Winner and STILL Champion: Layla
-Yeah, nothing to see here 1/2*.
-Meanwhile, Chris Jericho dubs his new DVD the “greatest story ever told” and reveals he has hacked the IP address of our general manager. I wonder if he used the Codebreaker?
R-Truth & Eve vs. Ted DiBiase & Maryse
Ted’s new theme is a little too techno for me but hey, it’s better than that R-Truth shit. Truth sticks and moves on DiBiase and hits a leg lariat so the women tag in and a catfight erupts. Ugly brawl comes next and a flipping senton gets two, saved by Ted. Truth takes DiBiase to the floor and follows with a plancha and that leaves Eve alone to hit a swinging neckbreaker for the win.
Winners: R-Truth & Eve
-I’m tempted to call it a DUD just due to theme music but I’m not that vindictive tonight *1/4.
-Meanwhile, as the heel couple are leaving a Valentine appears on the TitanTron.
John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
But wait, Barrett flexes his booking muscles and decides Cena will face all of Nexus in a gauntlet match instead…
John Cena vs. Heath Slater
Cena hits a gutwrench for two but misses a blind charge and Slater hammers away. Dropkick in the corner gets two and an inverted neckbreaker gets another near fall. Cena tries a comeback but runs into a flapjack for two while Wade Barrett still annoyingly stands on the announce table. Slater heads up top for a high cross body but Cena rolls through and hits the AA for the win.
Winner: John Cena
David Otunga vs. John Cena
We return from break with Otunga in control and using his bland offense to get a two count. Small package out of nowhere gets the pin for Cena.
Winner: John Cena
Michael Tarver vs. John Cena
Tarver goes to work in the corner but the referee breaks him for whatever reason and Cena locks on the STF for the submission.
Winner: John Cena
Justin Gabriel vs. John Cena
Gabriel gets a quick spinning heel kick for two then hammers away with more kicks for another near fall. Eddie Guerrero trademarked senton gets another two as Cena goes into extreme oversell mode. Cena comes back with a dropkick and Cole shits himself but it only gets two. My God, the way Cole sold it you would have thought Gabriel would be force to retire. They both head to the top and Gabriel brings Cena down with a superplex for the eventual two.
Springboard moonsault gets two for Gabriel again but Cena hits a suplex for the double KO. Slugfest leads to an ugly takedown from Gabriel for two and that finally triggers the SOS comeback from Cena. Attitude Adjustment looks to finish but Nexus makes their return and runs in for the DQ finish.
Winner by DQ: John Cena
-Nexus attempts a beatdown but Cena gets hold of a chair and sends the heels running for the hills. Call the whole thing *** for the Slater/Gabriel stuff.
-Cena demands that Barrett wrestle him now but Wade says it will happen at HIAC and, if Cena loses, he has to join Nexus. However, if Cena wins, then Nexus is sent back to FCW. OK, he didn’t really say that but that’s what he meant.
A fairly good episode of Raw tonight: Good TV matches and some storyline advancement of the Nexus angle. Unfortunately, that advancement is probably going to mean the end of a group that had so much promise only months ago. Anyways, it was much better than usual and one that definitely kept my attention for the full two hours…that’s pretty much all you can ask.