Impact Wrestling Results – January 4, 2018
American Top Team arrives at the arena, and Dan Lambert tells everyone to take the night off because James Storm is just a pro wrestler.
We see footage of everyone in the top matches tonight cutting promos, then we hit the opening video and head to the “arena” for a show that was thankfully taped two months ago, because if this were live, the wrestlers would be wrestling in a barn in five degree weather (or 15 below in Canadian terms). No opening promo tonight, we go right to the ring…
X Division title Match: Trevor Lee vs Taiji Ishimori
Feeling out process to start, then Ishimori picks up the pace…and gets yanked to the floor by Caleb Konley. Lee with a running punt across the apron, then quickly rolls Ishimori back in the ring and covers for 2. By the way, did you know the new season of Schitt’s Creek starts later this month? It’s actually a really funny show, you should check it out. Anyway, Ishimori comes off the top with a flying crotch to Lee’s face, then a springboard double stomp gets 2. Lee blocks a gutwrench, tries a reversal, but Ishimori slips out the back and hits a Tajiri style handspring into a twisting bodypress that Lee reverses into a powerslam! HOLY FUDD! They trade blows as we go to commercial.
We’re back as Ishimori hits a Tajiri enziguiri, then goes for the 450. Lee moves, but Ishimori gets a rollup for 2. Lee with a backslide into a sitout powerbomb for 2. Ishimori hits a one man Sliced Bread #2 for 2, followed by an inverted lungblower. Ishimori to the top, hits the 450 splash, and we have a new champion!
Winner and NEW X Division Champion: Taiji Ishimori
Pretty good opener. We see a video package, then Desmond Xavier catches Ishimori in the back and says he won their last match, and he wants to do it again for the title. Ishomori’s all about that.
We head to the LAX clubhouse and says if that crazy cracker (referring to Sami Callihan) wants to throw fire at him, he’s going to cut his balls off and throw them in a fire. He pounds his fists on the table and leaves, and the last thing we see is a broken beer bottle on the floor in a puddle of its former contents.
McKenzie is backstage with James Storm, who says that Dan Lambert came into this company and disrespected everyone, but he IS this company. He was here in June of 2002 when the doors opened, he gave everything in his life to this job, and this company, and the company has given him everything in return. He will finish this tonight and send him back to Florida because he has no idea who he is or what he does here. Lambert’s not just fighting him tonight, he’s fighting everyone in the back, and he’ll see him soon.
Grand Championship Match: Ethan Carter III vs Matt Sydal vs Fallah Bahh
Can’t wait to see how the scoring will work for this one. EC3 goes after Bahh, Sydal rolls EC3 up for 2, then EC3 and Sydal trade blows until Bahh clotheslines them both. Slam to EC3, slam to Sydal, slam to EC3, slam to Sydal on top of EC3, and Bahh is in firm control. Sydal hits something and covers EC3, but Bahh breaks it up with a steamroller. EC3 with a hard chop to Bahh, but Bahh returns the favor and nearly turns EC3 inside out. Bahh hiptosses EC3 across the ring, hits him with a running tackle, and drags him to the corner for a Banzai Drop. He takes too long going up, and EC3 rolls to the floor as the clock runs out.
Judges declare the first round for Fallah Bahh as we go to commercial.
McKenzie is with Allie, who says she never thought she’d get to this point as the #1 contender, but she is here, and Gail told her that this is her time, and she was right. She is the #1 contender for the Knockouts title, and she’s just getting started. Laurel Van Ness runs in and attacks her, then whips her into a production crate before stomping Allie out some more.
Career vs Career: Dan Lambert vs James Storm
Lambert stalls as much as he can before Storm has enough and goes after him. All of American Top Team runs in and beats Storm down. Storm fights his way through all of them and is alone with Lambert, but then KM runs in and breaks a beer bottle over Storm’s head. Storm goes down like a rock and Lambert covers…for 2. American Top Team is back up as Storm staggers to his feet, then King Mo and another of the MMA guys crack a pair of bottles over Storm’s head, and this time it’s more than even Storm can overcome. Lambert makes the cover for 3.
Winner: Dan Lambert
What a way to go out. American Top Team leaves, and the fans chant “thank you Storm” for about two seconds before we cut to commercial.
We come back to Storm being applauded, hugged, and handshaked by the locker room as he returns from the ring, then we see him on the phone (presumably with his family) saying that he’s coming home and to tell the kids he loves them before walking off, likely for the last time.
The Global Wrestling Network takes us back to see the origins of Joseph Park as he searched for his missing brother Abyss. This leads us to the in-ring debut of…
Chandler Park vs John Bollin
Bollin kicks Park in the gut and hammers him down, then hits a clothesline and makes a cover, but pulls Park up at 1. Joseph leads the crowd in cheering for Chandler as Bollin puts the boots to him. Chandler finally dodges a corner charge, backdrops Bollin, then high fives Joseph. He doesn’t pay enough attention to Bollin, who kicks the middle rope into Chandler’s ding ding before telling Joseph “screw you, and screw your Grandma Jenny!” Joseph suckerpunches Bollin and Chandler rolls him up for the win.
Winner: Chandler Park
Oh boy. Chandler has the family look of astonishment on his face as he can’t believe he won.
Matt Sydal says EC3 once again found a way to throw something between him and the Grand Championship, and it seems like he’s scared, but tonight’s defeat felt like a win and only fueled him even more. There’s a change in Impact Wrestling, and he’s going to make it.
We go to WrestlePro in Rahway, NJ for our next bout…
Global Title Match: Eli Drake vs Alberto El Patron
We get off to a fast start as Alberto goes right at Eli, unloading on him and covering for 2. Eli tries going to the floor but Alberto follows him out, rams him into the rails a few times, and hits a DDT on the entrance ramp. Alberto continues the attack in the ring, but Drake takes over as they go back to the floor and chokes him with a strap. They brawl into the bleachers where Alberto bashes Drake with a trash can. Drake chokes Alberto with the apron cover and makes a pin attempt for 2. Drake puts Alberto on the top rope and finds himself caught in a hanging armbar. Clip forward to Drake hitting a run-up superplex and the Gravy Train for 2 when Alberto gets his foot on the ropes. Drake gets the belt and goes to hit Alberto with it, Alberto ducks and DDTs Drake on the belt for 2. Drake responds with a belt shot of his own and covers for the win.
Winner: Eli Drake
PlutoTV takes us back to an old Ultimate X match, then Eli Drake cuts a promo gloating, and then it’s MAIN EVENT TIME!
World Tag Team Title Match: oVe vs LAX
oVe jumps LAX on the way to the ring and all three of them beat Ortiz and Santana down while Konnan watches from the entryway. Into the ring where the ref rings the bell to officially start the match, and the Crists superkick Santana into next week and cover for 2. Jake with a big boot to Santana and his Fresh Prince of Bel-Air shorts and makes a cover for 2. Ortiz is down on the floor as the beating continues, and we go to commercial.
We’re back as Santana hits an Ace Crusher on Jake, and Ortiz begins to finally pull himself up on the apron as Dave turns it right around with a Wave of the Future for 2. Santana catches Jake with a tornado DDT and makes the tag to Ortiz, who comes in and cleans house. Ortiz gives Jake a Death Valley Driver into the corner on Dave then covers for 2. Dave blocks a superplex and they give Ortiz the Street Sweeper for 2. Ortiz slips out of Dave’s grip and hits a Death Valley Driver on Dave, Santana comes off the top for something, but Jake intercepts him with a super Ace Crusher for 2. Slow-motion replay shows that Santana landed face-first on Jake’s ding ding. OUCH! Jake and Ortiz go at it, Ortiz gets a victory roll for 2, then LAX hits Jake with the Street Sweeper for the win and the titles.
Winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions: LAX
Predictable finish, and it’s nice to see that the “product”-moving, lady-working, Mexican vacation-planning gangsters got their big babyface retribution moment.