Raw Review – December 6, 2010

Raw Review – December 6, 2010

-So the Penguins are handling their business against NJ, I’m hoping for a ton of torn ACLs on Monday Night Football and, of course, Raw is poised to be the same yet again.

-By the way, who the hell is Shane Helms to say anything that negative about Shawn Michaels?  I mean, honestly, if Shawn was such a bad guy why did Helms wait this long to say something?  He’s just another former “superstar” working indy dates and trying to get himself in the IWC headlines.  Oh yeah, Shane, Three Count drew money all over the world.

-LIVE! from Louisville, KY

-Recap of Michael Cole screwing over Jerry Lawler on Raw last week…might as well just turn him already.

-To kick us off, Punk congratulates King on his first ever title shot (which, like most things these days, is wrong because King wrestled Shawn Michaels on Raw in the mid-90s when he was champion).  Cole hits the ring and delivers a very half-assed explanation but the threat of a Lawler ass kicking sends Cole off the deep end.  Since Cole is in the ring, CM Punk (getting more and more over with his laid-back attitude each day) gets to read the GM’s email, which states any physical contact between King and Cole will result in termination.  A forced handshake gets a rather heelish grin from Cole but, unfortunately for him, Randy Orton is in the building tonight.

Randy promises to take the title back from the Miz tonight, so the champ and Alex Riley (who is fucking ORANGE) answer the call.  Miz reveals he doesn’t have to defend his title until the PPV so Orton has to settle for a match Alex Riley.  Miz also states that he gets to choose the stipulation for the title match at the TLC PPV….ummmm, wouldn’t it make sense to be a, I don’t know, TLC MATCH??  Orton delivers an RKO to Michael Cole because he’s a dick.  On replay, it’s pretty clear that Lawler shoves Cole into the RKO, so shouldn’t that mean Lawler is fired?  Of course not because WWE forgets about their own stipulations 30 seconds after they are applied.

Ted DiBiase & Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella
If there’s one thing I’ll never forgive Michael Cole for, it’s forcing me to listen to Josh Matthews on commentary. I’m ignoring all the stupid shit with the Bella Sluts because it’s pointless. Bryan and Ted do a nice little sequence that ends with DiBiase hitting a high flapjack and forcing the ladies to tag in. Brie cleans house on Maryse but gets hit with a facebuster (I think) but gets rolled up for two, triggering a brawl. Nikki uses the confusion to switch places with Brie and small packages Maryse for the win.
Winners: Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella

-Love Daniel Bryan, hate this stupid angle *. Once again, who the hell did Ted DiBiase piss off?

-ANOTHER three hour Raw? It would be different if these things were actually different and/or interesting.

-Recap of the stupid John Cena segment from last week. Only in WWE could someone be fired and then appear on TV every week complaining about being fired (CM Punk mentions this in a much nicer way).

-Mr. Jennifer Hudson gives an interview from a hotel room instead of the promised Wade Barrett before John Cena is all like “Room service, BITCH!” and kicks his ass. Predictable but cute…still hate that Cena is on TV every week.

David Hart Smith vs. Tyson Kidd
Yeahhhhhhh, remember when tag partners wrestling each other used to be a big deal? Tyson Kidd debuts a new, rather large, bodyguard (Jackson Andrews from FCW, I believe) who I’m sure won’t interfere at all. Quick start leads to Kidd stomping away in the corner but Smith makes the comeback to zero reaction with a belly to belly. An impressive move, a delayed superplex, gets two for DH and he looks for the powerslam but gets rolled up and pinned clean.
Winner: Tyson Kidd

-There, of course, was no grabbing the tights like the announcers state. Smith attacks Kidd afterwards so the bodyguard kicks his ass. A total burial of Smith here *1/2.

-Backstage, Wade Barrett plays Kevin Bacon in Animal House.

Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Slater & Gabriel vs. Santino & Kozlov vs. The Usos vs. Yoshi Tatsu & Mizark Henry
Gabriel and Yoshi start things off and Tatsu hits a spinning heel kick for two so Slater comes in and fares no better. An Uso tags in but so does Mark Henry, so Jey goes into all-out sell mode until Yoshi gets caught in the Uso corner. Slater tags himself in and fucks up his finisher but still gets the pin on Yoshi. Yoshi Tatsu & Mizark Henry have been eliminated Jey gets two on Slater and the double team Samoan drop (an AWESOME move that gets zero pop) gets two but a missed headbutt gives Kozlov the chance to tag himself in and destroy everyone. Chokeslam hits on Jey and the Samoans hit the showers The Usos have been eliminated

Tamina decides to stay with Santino when the Usos are eliminated in yet another pointless storyline that will go nowhere. Gabriel fucks up yet another move, something that looked like a neckbreaker, and gets two so the heels switch off. Kozlov gets the hot tag off a headbutt and Santino is, indeed, a house of fire…for about 3 seconds. Marella takes his beating in the heel corner and we randomly take a commercial break out of nowhere.

Losing to the Penguins doesn’t make you bad…it just makes you like everyone else.

We return with Kozlov playing Ricky Morton but immediately getting the tag to Santino who cleans house and adds a stunner for two, saved by Slater. Kozlov takes him out, John Cena to run in AGAIN and Santino hits the Cobra (probably the dumbest finishing move in history) and wins the titles.
Winners and NEW Champion: Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella

-So not only do they put the worthless tag titles on a team of jobbers but they jobbed out their “top heels”, abandoned a promising young tag team, and shit all over their Cena stipulation one more time…oh, and Nexus blew their two big moves and everything else was the same old same 3/4*.

-Sheamus hits the ring wearing probably the most ridiculous “king” outfit I have seen in all my years of watching wrestling. He looks like Ozymandias’s pet from Watchmen…

All hail King Sheamus

John Morrison interrupts with some very unfunny jokes and Sheamus wants him to bow. Surprisingly, John Morrison decides punching King Sheamus in the face is the better course of action and the crowd goes apathetic.

Natalya vs. Melina
LayCool is on commentary because God hates me. Natalya immediately gets a delayed vertical suplex for two but Melina gets a backcracker for a near fall. Melina hooks a bodyscissors while the bimbos at ringside talk over the commentary and completely ignore the match. Must be nice to be banging the Undertaker and get to do whatever you want on TV. Nattie hammers away in the corner and hooks the Sharpshooter for the win.
Winner: Natalya

-Totally average women’s match completely overshadowed by screeching *1/2. LayCool attacks after the match, treating us to yet more of these two in future weeks.

-By the way, I picked up SvR 2011 from Gamefly this week and, while the tweaks make it interesting for a week or so, there’s really no replay factor unless you like playing 12 year olds online. The series just feels dated and in desperate need of an overhaul…kinda like the promotion it’s based on.

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley
Riley goes right to the knee, as expected, and does an OK job of working it but Orton suplexes out and hits an inverted atomic drop to set up a powerslam. Hangman’s DDT lands and Orton looks to finish but Miz runs in with the Skull Crushing Finale for the DQ.
Winner by DQ: Randy Orton

-Nothing match as it was all just to set up Miz’s match announcement: A tables match. You see my seat? 98% of it isn’t being used because I’M ON THE EDGE OF IT! Miz brings out a table but Orton thwarts the attack and Miz heads for the hills. DUI Riley takes a powerbomb through the table just because. Match was barely 1/4*

Main Event Interview
Wade Barrett hits the ring and calls John Cena to the ring, who hops the rail awfully easily for a fan. Cena cuts a promo that basically treats the firing angle like a joke (like he always does) and quotes “Stepbrothers”, probably one of the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Cena threatens Barrett in just about every way possible until Wade calls Nexus to the ring…but they turn their backs on them. We’re doing this already? Cena attacks Barrett and tries an AA on the announcer table but Wade gets out and heads for the hills. Good thing the production guy had John Cena’s entrance music cued up…you know, because he’s fired and all.

Final Word
This episode was pretty much a summary of every single thing that I hate about WWE. A stupid angle that distracts from one of their best workers, more stipulations ignored in the first 5 minutes of the show, a potential PPV match given away for free on TV, lifelong jobbers being given the tag titles on the worst finishing move of the past 30 years, and the entire John Cena angle. How anyone would think this is a good show is beyond me, but whatever. At least I had the Penguins game to flip to during commercial breaks…this was junk.